Is Your Relationship Worth Saving?
Sometimes when one partner is rarely home it can be annoying or confusing for their mate, leading to one wondering if the relationship is worth saving.
For example, if one partner spends most of their day caring children, there’s no personal time available to them, it’s all about taking care of the children. That partner looks anxiously at the clock, knowing that her significant other will be home before the children go to bed, and she can get some relief.
Yet, for the partner who has spent 8-12 hours working at outside of the home, they are likely ready to unwind, desiring a peaceful environment with no stress and no demands.
Are Your Relationship Goals Being Met?
For a relationship to work, both people must feel their goals and needs are being met. If an unproductive scenario goes on and on, neither partner will understand the wants of the other person. Both will feel unfulfilled and begin to consider that the relationship isn’t worth it.
Can you relate to this? Do you think this relationship can be saved, and is it worth saving?
On Saving a Relationship
Both partners must decide if they consider a relationship is worth saving. Yes, not just one person, but both people. So agreeing to stay committed to the relationship is the first step. But if one of the partners has already decided to opt-out, then the chances are slim for revitalized relationship success.
No amount of money in the world is worth spending to save the relationship if both people aren’t invested in their own future together. However, it’s important to identify what the real problem in the relationship is. Symptoms, emotions, secret actions, and negative thoughts are not the real problems.
Egos, demands, shortcomings, and past experiences are sometimes called baggage. In reality, however, if there’s a true lack of intimacy, and it’s not addressed and discussed, and ultimately resolved, one of the partners could stray and enter into an affair. But the affair isn’t the real problem. The other person in this triangle is not the problem. The problem was the one partner’s deep lack of true intimacy without having compassion and understanding that outside pressures were interfering with the heart and energy of their beloved partner.
We’ve all heard that honest communications are the basis of every successful relationship. But what if you’re too tired to talk? What if it feels like your partner never listens to you?
Talking About Core Issues
The best way to save a relationship is confronting and calmly discussing the core issues. Now before you put a big hand in front of my face and yell, “But you don’t know my partner!” consider this: one secret is that you can save your relationship by beginning to deal with the core issues instead of pointing to the symptoms.
When you put the core issue on the table and quietly and calmly listen to your partner’s thoughts and reasoning, you’ve taken a giant stride toward your own success.
Remember to check your ego at the door during these types of conversations. Truth reigns when both people are open to hearing the truth and considering the innermost heartfelt issues of the only other person in the room.
Seek the Advice of a Counselor for Help
Sometimes it’s just easier to bring in a third party counselor who can listen objectively to both partners. Remember that you didn’t get into this situation on one hour-long session, and it will usually take more than a one-hour session to get re-connected with your significant other. Restoring a relationship is an ongoing process, but it doesn’t have to go longer than 6 weeks, if you choose the right counselor who truly wants to see both of you reunited in the fastest amount of time.
Wipe the slate clean. Start over…again and again if you have to. But most importantly, if you’re both willing, help is only a phone call away.
About the Author
I’m Kendall Van Blarcom, the founder of Van Blarcom Consulting. For over 25 years, I have provided personal consulting and counseling to over 1,000 clients around the world.
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist (MFT) based in California. I have decades of consulting experience and a genuine desire to help my clients.
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