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Senior Woman Sitting On Sofa At Home Suffering From Depression
Healthy Living

You Can Turn Mind Chatter Off Whenever You Choose

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

When life is fun and you’re laughing away, you’re probably not judging people or situations in a negative or harmful way, right? That’s because you haven’t allowed your mind chatter to occupy any time or space in your thoughts. But what about those days that don’t feel so fun and you’re frowning or crying at every little thing?

How do you handle your days or moments when you can’t seem to turn your negative mind chatter off? Maybe you rationalize that everyone has conversations going on in their heads. Certainly, you can’t be the only one on the planet? Personal consulting can help.

What is Mind Chatter Anyway?

Maybe you’re wondering what mind chatter is and how consultants and life coaches can help you turn off “the noise” or as some people refer to it, “the voice that doesn’t go away.” Mind chatter most frequently occurs in men and women who are anxious or are going through a depressed feeling as a result of some unpleasant life experience or a negative outlook.

Evidence of Mind Chatter

The easiest way to tell if you are experiencing mind chatter is you will catch yourself judging, predicting outcomes, and having irrational thoughts and dialogues with yourself that are not positive. In fact, mind chatter accuses, lies, twists the circumstances, and makes everything look dark and ugly, as if there’s no way out.

Dialogue in Your Head

Mind chatter takes many avenues of negative speech in your head, depending on your circumstances. It’s almost as if someone has a concealed video camera inside your head, and then once a statement is spoken, your mind responds by listening to the lies that your mind’s messages are trying to convince you are real. Here’s a shortlist, just so you get the idea:

  • Going to the store today would be a waste of makeup and hair products; I think I’ll just stay home.
  • I can’t go to that event tonight. I’ve gained too much weight, and I have nothing to wear that can conceal my huge belly.
  • I don’t deserve to have fun tonight at that celebration party, so I’ll just go to a movie by myself in case anyone wonders why I’m not there.
  • I don’t do well in crowds, and I know hundreds of people will be there tonight.
  • I’m just not good enough or smart enough to hang with those people at the convention today.

 

The examples above reveal mind chatter—negative reasons why you can’t, won’t, or refuse to do something.

Three Quick Solutions for Getting Rid of Mind Chatter

Certainly it’s up to you and someone you consult with to help you transition into an everyday state of mind that doesn’t criticize and condemn everything, including yourself. But until you can get time to work with someone, here are three quick solutions that can help you overcome mind chatter.

1. Play your most favorite music, close your eyes, and then sing along or dance to the music.

2. Sit in a comfortable chair or lie down on your bed. Then close your eyes and breathe really deep, exhaling with force and concentrating on your breathing. Breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth. Do this 10-15 times and think only about your breathing.

3. Verbally create a list of things that you’re grateful for today. Make your own rule that says you can’t repeat the same gratitude. See how many gratuities you can come up with during that one relaxation session.

When mind chatter begins eroding your positive train of thought, turn the moment around with one of the three solutions you’ve just learned; before you know it, you’ll feel better and your mind chatter will have been removed.

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Senior man practicing yoga trikonasana pose at the living room
Exercise & Fitness

The Body-Mind Connection

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

The body-mind connection is powerful. How you think can affect how feel physically. And how your body feels can impact your thoughts and emotions.

Do you have thoughts that are making you feel bad about yourself? Both physically and emotionally? Leave your negative thoughts and concerns with personal counselor Kendall and get on with a happier and healthier life.

Thoughts Impact Overall Health

There are ways for your brain to boost your overall health. One of these is natural pain reducers, endorphins, which can help to trigger positive feelings. Endorphins are a powerful part of the brain’s reward system. They are part of the body-mind connection. Hope and positivity can truly help with your body’s own ability to heal and thrive.

Conversely, negative thoughts can hold an individual back. Talking about this is not to say that anyone is to blame for health problems or dark thoughts, but bringing it up can shine a light on how improvements can be made. Talking through your issues can help you to feel better and promote positivity in your life.

Stress Reactions and Hormonal Shifts

When you are anxious, stressed, or depressed, there is an impact on your health and throughout your body. This is because these emotions, thoughts, and ideas can tense your muscles and increase your blood pressure. You may find your breath increasing, your heart rate speeding up. This stress reaction is also sometimes referred to as the fight-or-flight response.

These hormonal changes and physical shifts are part of your body’s natural safety response. It is a way for us to get out of a dangerous situation. This is extremely important in situations where our lives are endangered. But it can create harm when these stresses are put on the body for reasons that are not life-threatening. This could happen due to family problems, work pressure, or anger with strangers on the road, for example.

To improve your life, you need to learn to relax both your body and mind. Then, you will have tools to assist your body in reducing the stress hormones. Easing stress through your own actions means you can return to a calm state, a process that can be good for your mental and physical health.

Improve Your Body-Mind Connection

If you believe you are not living your life to its full potential, there are ways to make improvements.

  • Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break from problems that are troubling you repeatedly. Talk through them with a professional and practice mindfulness.
  • Stand tall. Confidence can be boosted by improving your posture and facial expressions. You may feel physically better when you allow yourself to smile more.
  • Write about your problems. Journaling can be a powerful way to cope with worries. When you write through issues, it can help reduce stress.
  • Clear your mind. Meditation can help to alleviate pain, physical, and mental. Exercise and time spent in nature can help, too.
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Caregiving

Seniors who have Elderly Parents

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

As life expectancy increases, it is more common than ever to find senior citizens who have elderly parents. Ideally, parents remain able to take care of themselves in their own homes. But, it is also true that many senior citizens find themselves either helping care for their elderly parent or choosing a facility that can attend to their needs.

Caring for Your Elderly Parent

For some senior citizens who have elderly parents, the care needed is primarily social. If their parent is able to take care of their own day-to-day needs, care might be a bit of help with errands and appointments or a simple meal together time and again.

But if your elderly parent’s health declines, you may find they are in need of more support over time. In this instance, if you decide to care for your elderly parent yourself, in your own home, be sure you have the right support systems in place. All day, every day, is a lot for one individual. Talk to other family members to see if they can help out. Or, even if you don’t have the resources for full-time help, there could be a part-time hire that would alleviate your stress.

The Caregiving Relationship

When you are in a caregiver and care recipient relationship, there can be pitfalls. Children and parents often have patterns in place. For some parents, they expect to make all of the household decisions and are unable to relinquish that control. For others, it is criticizing the choices of their adult children. If you are in a situation where an aging parent with declining health continues to be overly critical, it can be incredibly difficult to establish new patterns.

If you are taking care of a loved one and they seem to desire control over you and the household, seek help. Talking through issues, and finding ways to set boundaries, can turn around a difficult relationship. Establish what is essential for your own mental and physical health.

Deciding on a Care Facility

Sometimes, a family decides the best option is for an aging parent to move to a facility. There are steps to making this transition easier for senior citizens who have elderly parents.

Although getting the process started can be awkward, you might find everyone is happier once you find a center. First, get the individual who is moving to a center involved. Let them have a say in the decision because it will be their home, not yours. That said, be sure the nursing home or senior center chosen is fiscally responsible. Look into what insurance will cover and if other benefits are applicable, such as veterans’ benefits.

If you are one of the many senior citizens who have elderly parents, know you are not alone. And if you find yourself experiencing stress, anxiety, or depression, there is help. Reach out today.

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Smiling Mature Woman In Home Office By Bookcase
Healthy Living

Life Changes to Make When Over 50

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

As we age, life changes. And instead of resisting it, remember that you can’t move forward if you are stuck in the past. By this point in life, most of us have a system in place, a way to manage bills, family, commitments, and responsibilities. But what if those methods are no longer working for you?

Healthy adjustments can be made at every age. Talk through your concerns with personal counselor and decide what is important.

Shedding Clutter and Making Life Changes

When people are building their lives in their 20s and 30s they are acquiring the things they need. But as time passes, some of those items are no longer needed. It is then time to evaluate the items accumulated over the years.

Where is your life headed? What do you need and want to live your best life? After children have grown up and careers have shifted, it is likely you no longer need many of the things acquired. Allow yourself to focus on your own happiness, shed what is no longer necessary.

Open Your Eyes to New Opportunities

Appreciate your past but allow yourself to move forward and explore new ways to connect with others, pursue interests, and cultivate happiness.

It is natural to have this time of life be a time of transition. For some, it is difficult to accept their kids growing up and needing them less. For others, downsizing leads to losing a job. Even individuals who have not faced age discrimination or technology changes in the workplace find themselves looking at their retirement options. If the majority of one’s adult life was spent working, retirement can lead to identity issues and income concerns.

Heal As Relationships Change

Life changes also mean relationship changes. Marriages may end and new connections may happen, creating shifts in your sense of self and how you relate to your extended group of family and friends.

There are also situations when a husband, wife, or family member becomes ill. The extended illness of a spouse can lead to a husband or wife finding themselves coping with the responsibilities of being a caregiver. Also, there are deaths that can be difficult to process.

And as these integral relationships change it may be time to assess other responsibilities, too. Maybe there are clubs you’ve belonged to for years that no longer fit in your life. Or if you volunteer maybe the organization you want to give your time to is one you never would have considered a decade prior.

Discussing life changes with a personal support professional is a path to healing. There are many aspects of life that can feel uncertain when people reach the age of 50. While society views this time of life as steady, many are coping with divorces, job losses, aging parents, and even being nervous about venturing into new opportunities and relationships. Even when those new endeavors are appealing and healthy.

Feeling overwhelmed is not a weakness, it is your body telling you to step back, analyze old habits, and move toward a feeling of strength.

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Dealing with Narcissistic Older Parent
Life Lessons

Dealing with Narcissistic Older Parent

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

We don’t choose who are parents are, and for some of us, we end up with parents who didn’t exactly show us the love, support, and compassion we deserved growing up. As they grow older, those parents can come back and want to be helped. As much as you may not want to help them, you know you should. So what do you do? Do you just stay quiet and do what you feel you need to do? Or do you turn around and walk the other way? Dealing with Narcissistic Older Parent
Well, the decision is yours to make, and one decision doesn’t mean you can’t make a decision later.
With caregiving, there is a fair amount of guilt and resentment that builds – even for parents who are not narcissistic. It’s a lot of work taking care of another human being who is an adult and often times stuck in his/her ways. There are days you will be exhausted, frustrated, and utterly burned out. Dealing with Narcissistic Older Parent
Let’s not forget there are benefits to caregiving too. These benefits are what you probably are holding onto right now as you are considering taking care of your parents. Dealing with Narcissistic Older Parent
Let’s put it out there and say that you probably want a good relationship with your parent. You haven’t received what you’ve wanted yet, but you’re hoping that someday you will. A part of you thinks that if you do this, you will receive that love, support, and comfort that you never got in the first place.
One of the biggest mistakes people make with caregiving is having expectations. When people have expectations, they usually end up disappointed. Usually…..not always.
This is why sometimes, it’s okay to try the caregiving for a little while. If you find you are not getting what you need to continue providing care without harming yourself and your personal life, you can always make other arrangements.

When You Have No Choice

Some people feel as though they have no choice but to provide caregiving services to their older parent. They may not have money to pay for services, or they feel way too guilty not to do it themselves. What do these people do in this case?

  • Treat it as a job. Just as you are not happy with your job all of the time, do what you need to do, and keep moving. The more emotionally invested you are in it, the worse it will feel. Just do, and try not to feel.
  • Ask for help from friends and family. Try not to take all of the care yourself. It’s too much for one person, and you will get through this time in your life much easier if you have help. Reach out and take the help people offer.
  • Talk to friends and family about how you feel. As much as you try not to feel, you will likely end up feeling some way. It’s best to vent it to get it out of your way. As you become accustomed to caring for your parent, it will be easier for you to let it go on your own.
  • Reach out to a personal consultant. A personal consultant is just like a friend or family member. You can call him on the phone, talk about everything to get it all out and even problem solve your situation. After a session, you’ll feel as though you have a new perspective on life and caregiving. This can help you move forward with positivity.

Contact Kendall Van Blarcom today for a personal consulting session. He can help you with this situation, so you can feel better about what you are dealing with as you decide to or not to care for your older narcissistic parent.

Dealing with Narcissistic Older Parent

 

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How to Help a Senior with Parkinson’s
Caregiving

How to Help a Senior with Parkinson’s

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

If you are taking care of a loved one with Parkinson’s, you are not alone. Here are a few suggestions on how to help a senior with Parkinson’s.

Educate Yourself

When there is a new diagnosis, often families don’t know where to turn. Getting all the information you can may help. Particularly if you are feeling a lack of control. Talk to a health care professional about exercise options, learn about various medications and treatments, and learn about the progression of Parkinson’s, so you will be aware of what changes may occur over time. In addition, reach out to support groups in your area, often there are other individuals experiencing what you are experiencing nearby. They can help lead you to resources.

Take Care of Yourself

Your day-to-day life will change when you are living with someone with Parkinson’s. It’s important you take care of yourself so you can provide the best support for the person you love. Talking through your problems with a counselor can be very healing. Being kind to yourself, and having your own thoughts and feelings heard, is essential to a healthy home environment.

Enjoy Time Together

Parkinson’s affects motor skills and you may not be able to have the lifestyle with your loved one that you’ve had in the past. Do your best to accept and understand that an individual with Parkinson’s is living with a disease that can change daily. There may be days when a walk around the neighborhood is possible, but there will likely be other days when you’ll need to help them with basic tasks, such as getting dressed. So, when an opportunity to do something you enjoy together is possible and available, enjoy it.

Adapt Your Home

It is essential to have your home be a safe place, and to help a senior with Parkinson’s you will likely need to make some adjustments. Open pathways are important and as physical skills deteriorate, walkers or wheelchairs may be needed. Other things to keep in mind is that floor rugs can be tripping hazards along with standing lamps. Also, it is helpful to remove statues and side tables that could inhibit movement. Making adjustments to your home before they are absolutely needed provides more safety and allows everyone to acclimate to the new layout over a period of time.

When to Explore Assisted Living

In the later stages of Parkinson’s, a family might opt for the transition to an assisted living facility. There are many factors that go into a decision to move. When possible, families should try to make a decision that everyone can support. Often, when a facility is found that is trusted and viable financially, it can be a healthy option. It is estimated over half of individuals who are diagnosed with Parkinson’s will, at some point, develop dementia in connection with the disease. For some, it is possible to have home care, perhaps with a professional who can come to help out, but for others, assisted living is the best solution.

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Senior woman standing alone at home
Healthy Living

How Online Support Can Help with Social Distancing

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

Social distancing is when individuals maintain an increased physical distance from one another. It is used to help communities minimize contagious diseases by reducing the possibility of infection. This is important to our physical health.

The problem is maintaining one’s mental health while social distancing. Humans are social animals, so it feels unnatural to stay away from others. It can underscore feelings of loneliness.

Reach out for personal online support if you feel a lack of social connections is impacting your wellbeing.

Ways People Feel When Isolated

People are unique and they can have different emotional responses to social distancing. But, we are all human. There are common themes connecting how people feel during difficult times. Talking through these emotions with a professional can help to alleviate some of the emotional strain.

  • Anxiety. There can be a lot of fear around a situation that prompts social distancing. If an individual is worried about their health, and the health of loved ones and others in their community, it is natural for a person to have feelings of anxiousness or fear. The situation itself can create anxiety and then, too often, individuals find they have nobody to talk over their fears with.
  • Anger. When people feel a lack of control in their lives, it can lead to frustration and anger. These feelings can bubble up within a person. Then, they may find themselves lashing out at others, family members who call or a stranger at the grocery store. There are healthy ways to cope with irritability. Erupting at others can result in further isolation.
  • Depression. Daily routines can help people who suffer from depression. In many instances, social distancing disrupts those routines. For instance, if someone finds joy from regular breakfast outings with friends, they might find that as they stay home dark feelings grow. Shedding light on these feelings with online support can be helpful.

How to Cope with Social Distancing

Recognize you are not alone, many feel unsettled by social distancing. Once you acknowledge the problem you can seek solutions, from phone calls to online chats.

When you connect with an online counselor, you can find healing through conversation. They can also help you discover ways to improve your life throughout a period of social distance. Suggestions could including breathing exercises or activities such as keeping a gratitude journal or fostering a hobby to boost your mood.

Be kind to yourself and others. Recognize things that are exacerbating any personal stresses. For example, managing the amount of news you watch or read can be helpful. Yes, it can be beneficial to stay informed, but obsessively loading news websites or watching television news channels continually can lead to fearful feelings.

Some people are more prone to having problems with social distancing. This could include individuals who have experienced past trauma or people who have had issues with loneliness in their past.

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Cheerful seniors exercising on mats at park
Healthy Living

How to Increase Your Self-Motivation

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

Motivation occurs under many circumstances, but when you experience natural inspiration as a result of energy from your spirit, that’s when you’ll feel exuberant and eager to willingly devote time to your interests. Self-motivation helps when you’re trying to lose weight, become more invested in a goal for your future, quit an addiction, or even something as simple as getting your chores done.

Boost Your Positive Thinking

When you’re driven by daily goals and routines, motivation can be challenging if it doesn’t come naturally. You need a positive mental outlook. Train yourself to avoid negative thinking. Also, create a list of reasons to pursue your goal.

Did you know that internal self-motivation is best developed in environments where external motivation is decreased? It’s one thing to motivate when someone else is cracking the whip and asking you to perform. It’s another thing to be internally motivated. Then, you are totally in charge of the outcome.

When I need to motivate myself to do something, it’s almost impossible when I am procrastinating or filling my time with long phone conversations or watching movies. Let’s take a look at a couple of hypothetical goals so that you can see how positive or negative self-motivation can assist you in achieving your objectives.

Suggestions for Improving Your Self-Motivation

An important aspect of self-motivation is allowing yourself to dream about your goal. At the beginning of any goal, motivation tends to feel painless. In fact, inspiration often strikes when you decide to do something positive toward reaching your goal. For example, I have always wanted to put a daily routine in place that would allow me to walk for fifteen minutes. That’s all…just fifteen minutes. It doesn’t sound that difficult, does it?

On the first day, I arose thirty minutes earlier than normal. The sun was just beginning to show on the horizon, and there I was, out the door wearing my sweats and a new pair of walking shoes.

On the second day, I was looking forward to my new routine, but about five minutes into my walk, it started raining. I turned around and ran home. I was disgusted and drenched, but content that my self-motivation was still intact. It was then that I decided to come up with an alternate plan in case rain threatened to sabotage my walking goals.

One key factor for increasing your self-motivation is focusing on the now. So, when a challenge meets you face to face, you won’t dwell on the past. You can come up with an alternate plan that will keep you on course. For me, that meant exercising in my home on rainy days. This keeps my daily activity goal intact.

Certainly, there are hundreds of ways to motivate yourself, and each method depends on the goal you’re going after, talking through your goals can help you pave the path to motivation.

 

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Helping hands or begging for help
Healthy Living

Forgive Yourself

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

Although there may be things in your past you wish you could change, it is important for your own health to forgive yourself. Accept that you cannot change the past. Lingering on memories and feelings of the past that are unpleasant will only create more bad feelings. Why? Because dwelling on the past can actually make you feel more depressed.

Here are a handful of ways to start letting go of the past.

Talk About Your Problems

When you talk about past problems, it’s easier to remember where long-ago issues reside—in the past. When you talk through things that have happened with a counselor, you can begin to alleviate some of the anger or shame associated with the past event.

Working with a professional can help you to let go of the past and learn how to move forward. A therapist can assist you in learning to feel positive emotions about yourself and the situation you currently live in. If past events make you anxious, seek help to forgive yourself and move forward with your life.

Write and Forgive Yourself

Much like talk therapy, writing through your emotions can be a useful way to let go of toxic emotions. When you write about the past, things that happened and how it made you feel, you can see why the event caused you pain and who you may have hurt in the process, intentionally or unintentionally.

Also, you can write down an alternative version of events if that is helpful. You can write down how you would do it now, if you had an opportunity to go back and do it over. Therefore, you can clarify your own morals and values. This process can remind us of what we have learned, how much we have grown.

In addition to journaling, some find it healing to write down events you seek forgiveness for and then burn the paper it is written on. This symbolic gesture is a physical way of getting your emotions out—onto the page—and watching them dissipate. After the page is destroyed, decide to leave the event in the past. If your memory brings it up again, remind yourself to let the thought pass, that you have already forgiven yourself.

Meditate to Forgive Yourself

When you meditate, you can clear your mind of regrets and old hurts, making way for joy and peace. Meditation and mindfulness help to create a healthy life at any age, which is why regular meditation for seniors is so important.

Also, if you choose to, you can use imagery while you meditate to help you forgive yourself. Take deep breaths, calm yourself. Imagine past wrongs in a bubble and watch them float away from you. Let the painful event leave or dissipate from your mind.

Practice Self-Love

Another essential element is learning to love yourself. Through self-love you can forgive yourself, resulting in higher self-esteem. Make yourself a priority. Prioritize time with loving and supportive people. And, if you need help, reach out to begin counseling.

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