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Barbara Bates Sedoric

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Saving Money After Retirement
Estate Planning

Death and the Family Hunt for Hidden Assets

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

Where are you hiding assets? Are they stored away in a locked trunk in your attic? Are they located in boxes stacked on the back wall of your moldy basement? Or did you pile your valuable art and antiques in an off–site storage unit located two towns over from your house? Death and Family Hunt for Hidden Assets

Do you have several passbook bank accounts from various banks scattered in the four towns you once lived in or three 401K Plans from prior employment? Have you hidden jewelry in tattered shoeboxes in the back of a third floor closet or in the zippered interior of an old pocketbook?

More importantly, does anyone know about your hidden treasures? Does anyone – a family member, a close friend, or your trusted advisor – actually know what you have and where you have painstakingly placed valuable assets hidden from view?

There was a recent newsworthy story about the death of a “long-lost brother” which led another brother on a tedious and complicated scavenger hunt. After years of breaking all communications and disconnecting from his family, no one in the immediate family knew where the “lost” brother lived and, quite sadly, did not know that he had died. There had been no contact for decades. There was no forwarding address. And there was no paper trail of any bank accounts or other assets belonging to the deceased. He died alone and forgotten.

Luckily for the surviving family members, there are people and “bona fide” companies that actually spend their days searching for unclaimed assets. One such company located in New York City engages in these types of searches and alerted two of the decedent’s brothers that their “long-lost” sibling had died at age 84. The “treasure hunter” also alerted the brothers that their estranged brother had left behind some untouched bank accounts with just over $80,000 in them. The discovery of these two abandoned bank accounts were the first of many discoveries – and as it turns out, only the tip of the iceberg.

As the scavenger hunt began, not surprisingly, the family members began to fight. This resulted in a lengthy and costly legal case over the distribution of the “found” hidden assets. After the search was over, the estate ended up amounting to just shy of one million dollars.

These stories, while admittedly amazing and quite strange, happen all of the time. Why? Because people tend to hide valuable things and often, when a life-changing event happens, there are no breadcrumbs left behind on the floor to help lead the way to find the treasure.

Do your friends and loved ones a huge favor and leave behind some breadcrumbs. Leave a map. Leave a “guide” for the sake of your family. Your treasure map will save your family time, money, stress and the family pressures associated with a life-changing event.

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How is Sign Language Helping People with Dementia?
Aging

Making your Own Decision About End of Life

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

Hope is Not a Plan, But Planning Will Generate Hope

It’s here. Some call it the “silver tsunami” while others reference it as “the greying of America”. Nearly half of the “sandwich“ generation have a parent over age 65 and are raising young children or supporting grown children. Making your Own Decision about End of Life

Alarmingly, thousands of critically important end-of-life and after death decisions are currently being made without the benefit of advanced planning. While “hope” is not a plan, planning realizes hope.
Have you ever considered all the decisions that will need to be made when someone, including yourself, dies?

Are you leaving it up to “let’s hope my spouse or kids will know what to do” or “let’s hope someone will find what they need” or “let’s hope they will remember my wishes”?

Death is inevitable. The topic of planning for death is a hard one to face and discuss with people you care about. It is difficult to think about all the things that you need to get done in order to “get your affairs in order”. But the result of not having a clear plan in the end is that those that you care about are left to only “hope” to do their best to piece together any conversations or verbal instructions that might have occurred in the past.

Unfortunately, relying on memories and hope alone tends to be problematic.
During my career in estates and trusts, I witnessed many chaotic family scenes at widows’ homes while helping search for vital information during an emotionally challenging time. I observed the heartache and enormous stress families endured as they navigated the decision-making process and the many tasks that confronted them after the death of a loved one. Making your Own Decision about End of Life

Several years ago, my mother died suddenly. We spent countless hours searching for documents, double checking facts, and gathering the personal details about her life so we could write an obituary. We did not know what her wishes were, so we relied on hoping we knew what she would have liked to have happened. We were left without a set of clear directions to make myriad decisions and necessary arrangements. We could only hope for the best.

Those experiences taught me that “winging it” is not a good plan and “hoping for the best” does not necessarily bring about the peaceful outcome that everyone is looking for when death happens. No one wants to die, but no one has ever escaped it. Planning ahead however, brings peace of mind.
LastingMatters was launched to help any adult, at any age, prepare for what happens after death using a comprehensive and easy-to-use planning guide. The LastingMatters Organizer was created to prepare anyone for life’s biggest event by compiling, organizing, and documenting one’s wishes, intentions and important personal information all together in one location. Making your

Own Decision about End of Life
The LastingMatters Organizer is a straightforward guide that walks you through everything from what to do with your belongings to how you want your life celebrated. Below are easy to understand prompts you can use to help your loved ones be prepared to carry out your wishes:

• Who should be notified when you die?
• What kind of service would you like?
• Do you wish to be cremated or buried?
• What would you like to have included in your obituary?
• Where are your passwords listed?
• Who should take care of your pets?
• Where are your bank accounts?
• Which family traditions would you like to pass on?
• What happens to all of your “treasures”?

Whether your death is sudden or expected, your loved ones will be dealing with a lot of emotion in the period right after your passing. Unfortunately, this is a time when family and friends will need to take immediate and critical decisions.

Being hopeful means having the faith and confidence that someone will take care of what matters most to you. Planning ahead creates positive feelings for you and for those left behind wrapping up and honoring your life. Hope is achieved when everything turns out as you planned.

Making a clear plan for life’s greatest transition means that you care about your family and friends. The gift of information will save time, money, stress, and the family pressures often associated with death.
In the end, it’s better to be prepared for the worst, and hope for the best. Making your Own Decision about End of Life

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What is Mom's Password?
Fraud & Security

What is Mom’s Password?

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

Let’s face it. We live in a sophisticated, technologically driven world whether we like it or not. Like most things in life, that happens to be both good and bad news. What is Mom’s Password?

But with technology comes passwords, usernames, and PIN numbers. Not only are we instructed to keep these in a “safe” place, we are challenged with the task, on a daily and sometimes hourly basis, of remembering what password goes with what. What is Mom’s Password?

So how do we keep all our passwords and usernames straight while we gracefully age and our short term memories grow a bit dimmer with each passing day?

Digital assets may be important to access in order to retrieve information, secure your data, or to turn off your accounts when you die. Without the benefit of your usernames and passwords, this becomes a very complex and difficult task for your loved ones.

Consider the following:

Smartphones, voicemail, Apps, home computers, Ipads, Tablets, Kindles, office computers, On-line banking, investments, Paypal, alarm systems, cable companies, ATM, photo sharing accounts, social networks , dating sites, on-line shopping accounts, etc., etc., etc.

Each of these has a password or username or PIN that will be required in order to gain access.
It’s hard enough remembering them when you are the person who set up those passwords. Now think about what happens when you die!

  1. Do you have your passwords written down and stored in a safe place?
  2. Do your loved ones know that you have actually made a list and know where it is hidden?
  3. Have you purchased one of those Apps that takes care of storing your passwords? Even so, someone needs to “know” that you have a password storage App and will need to “know” the password in order to get into your password storage account when you become incapacitated or when you die.

 

Digital databases are a part of our financial lives. It is very important to think this through and prepare for “when” your loved ones will need access to your digital accounts. Planning for end-of-life will save your family time and reduce stress and frustration when closing down your digital afterlife.

http://www.LastingMatters.com

What is Mom’s Password?

What is Mom’s Password?

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Treasuring Holiday Letters
Aging

Treasuring Holiday Letters

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

A tall stack of Kodak photos printed on shiny rectangular cards of a family of four sits stapled together with the corresponding holiday letter written with care by “mom” each year. She probably spent a lot of time crafting the ubiquitous yearly holiday letter and thought about what her intended message would be to those she sent cards to each December.

The words paint a picture of accomplishments, changes, and reflections of the ups and downs of a year in a family’s life.

An old card table is set up in the middle of the bedroom with a box containing tattered index cards with penned updated mailing addresses. Some cards have addresses that are crossed out showing many residential moves over the course of a lifetime. Better systems are now available for keeping contacts updated, but the tradition of using index cards is hard to break for some.

During the holidays, there’s often a joyful feeling when one receives that yearly photo from cherished families near and far. The photos and letters are the visual and written trails of years that have come and gone…of change…of childhoods passing by. Photos clearly show how kids grow up fast and change seemingly overnight from grinning toothless toddlers to school age children then on to young adults and beyond. It’s a time to read and reminisce about what happens in one year to a family.

All of these words might reside in treasure boxes full of letters. They are kept along with many other letters and cards received in one’s lifetime from those who care. The treasure box might also include letters left behind to be read over and over again after the writer is no longer living.

The power of the written word cannot be undervalued. When written down, and not just spoken, words last forever. Consider sharing your written words with others during this holiday season. It’s a wonderful way to connect with those you care about and something they may always treasure.

Happy Holidays from LastingMatters. Treasuring Holiday Letters

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Lasting Matters Organizer
Aging

Lasting Matters Organizer

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

Will They Know What to do Without You?

Don’t leave your legacy or important instructions to chance. Help those who care about you most by planning ahead for the future. Make sure those close to you know what you want, where to turn, and have the information they need at their fingertips.

Use The LastingMatters Organizer to easily convey your intentions as a compliment to your will and estate plan. Use it to explain matters like the disposition of your belongings, handling your social media accounts, and to pass along information about family traditions and history.

It is a straightforward, comprehensive, yet highly individualized guide covering topics about everything that might need to be communicated upon incapacity or death.

Topics include:
• Your end-of-life care
• What kind of service you’d like
• Location of documents
• A list of your passwords
• Care for your pets
• Location of bank accounts

What you choose to share is up to you.
Your family and friends will find what matters most to you and everyone will find true peace of mind.

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Caregiving

Incapacity Happens

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

What does Dad want? Have you asked? How about Mom? Does anyone know what her wishes are? Has anyone asked her? And is anyone really listening to what they are saying? Incapacity Happens

Life can turn on a dime. Incapacity happens. Wouldn’t it be better to take some time now to get prepared? There is no time like the present to ask questions and get some answers. It’s never too late until it really is too late!

Engaging in conversations about what to do in the event of incapacity or death and formulating a plan ahead of any crisis situation is a winning combination. Talking about the “what if’s” now will help diffuse and negate the possibility of a terrible outcome during a difficult situation.

In case you have been busy and not taken time to be up with the news, there’s a movement afoot. It will change the current absence of meaningful and necessary conversations. End-of-life conversations will soon become an integral part of exchanges between doctors, patients, caregivers and family members when it matters most. Why the changing tide? Medicare will reimburse physicians for their time spent having these important discussions with their patients and family members. One’s end-of-life wishes will soon become an integral part of the conversation when you visit your doctor for an annual check-up or if you end up in a hospital in a crisis situation.

There will be no more excuses for ignoring the pleas from patients and families to be “heard” when end-of-life decisions are first and foremost on their minds. We’ve all heard stories about family conflicts and family tragedies – so isn’t it better to have these conversations well in advance of a crisis?

The ending of Bobby Kristina Brown’s life exemplifies a worst-case scenario – the losing combination of a lack of prior conversations, the lack of any clear planning, the added complications of a blended family, and no person “in charge” of handling the life-changing event.

Time is often of the essence. Asking Mom and Dad to communicate their wishes is a priceless gift to you. Telling them your wishes is your gift to them too! Bobby Kristina Brown’s situation reminds us that these kinds of events can and do happen at any age.

Think about it. Talk to your parents, your spouse, your physician, and your adult children and make some of these difficult decisions now. Knowing your loved ones wishes and expressing you own will help alleviate the fear and the chaos of “what to do” when incapacity or death happens.

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Who Will Write Your Obituary?
AgingHome & Family

Who Will Write Your Obituary?

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

I asked my only brother to do me a huge favor. I asked him to write a draft of my obituary. Who Will Write Your Obituary?

First, to alleviate any further alarm or inquiries, as far as I know, I am quite healthy and looking forward to many more years on this planet. I simply decided that there is no time like the present to reflect upon my life so far, and to begin a draft of what will be of great value to my family when they will need it most.
Some of you may cringe at the thought, but others might consider it to be a “terrific” idea! Happily, my only sibling didn’t bat an eye at this seemingly unusual request.
Recently, I celebrated a milestone birthday. With each passing decade, I’m shocked at just how fast time flies by. I also think about the shortened runway ahead and what I can do now to help my family – if I’m not able in the future. Frankly, writing a draft obituary is like writing an autobiography with the satisfaction of achieving a meaningful and practical outcome.
So I asked my very talented and articulate brother, Todd B. Bates, an award-winning journalist with a 35-year writing career, to compile and assemble a draft. I gave him all the “facts” and some guidance and he composed a working document that I will now edit, and embellish, as the years go by.
First and foremost, it is important to remember that you are writing the “last” message that those who love you, along with the rest of the world, will read. The words should capture your personality. Second, getting the facts right is paramount.
Besides the usual biographical data and information about services and burial, it’s nice to include information that really matters to you. Adding some humor is not such a bad idea either. It’s also a good time to choose your favorite photo or you can always leave that task up to others.
Taking the time and opportunity now to write your own obituary allows you to sit back, reflect upon your life’s passages, and the chance to put your best foot forward and narrate your final story. Who better to tell!

Who Will Write Your Obituary?

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How to Avoid Probate Litigation After Death
Estate Planning

How to Avoid Probate Litigation After Death

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

 

 
If you have given any thought about to whom you want to give your belongings after your death, you will likely hire an estate lawyer to draft legal documents to carry out those intentions. Because of the formality of the estate planning process, we all somehow assume that we can easily check that difficult task off our to-do list after we sign those documents. How to Avoid Probate Litigation After Death

But Not So Fast!

If you haven’t told your family your specific intentions, or discussed with them what possessions they would like to receive, they may not follow your instructions! A reading of the will or a trust to those loved ones you leave behind will not necessarily clear things up. How to Avoid Probate Litigation After Death

Fighting over your intentions.

Surviving family members are increasingly suing each other over the deceased’s intentions. Family members each have their own views of what you actually meant, what should happen, and their place in the family. After you are gone, the only formal avenue to sort out these differing viewpoints is in the Probate Court. Probate litigation is the fastest growing litigation area for lawyers now. These cases involve estates of all sizes. Evidently, there is no estate too small to argue over. These cases, usually pitting family members against each other, can take years to resolve because they involve grieving parties each asserting their own grief in a process that is ill suited for handling the emotions that accompany the death of a loved one.

Not Pretty.

Recurring themes in these Probate litigation cases include: unequal distributions, step or blended families with differing expectations, lingering sibling rivalries and jealousies, and heirs who were intentionally omitted from distribution of assets. These matters are complicated by the fact that often the elderly, now deceased, relative tells each beneficiary whatever they want to hear to be accommodating and not rock the boat of family dynamics. Claims of the elderly relative’s incapacity and the undue influence by a beneficiary are particularly divisive and common assertions in probate litigation. As a mediator, I’ve seen these matters up close and personal and they are not pretty.

A Solution: Talk.

I know we cannot resolve all our conflicts with and between family members before we die. But we can help our survivors administer our estates while preserving our assets. We do that by telling our family what we want, while we are still alive to have those kinds of conversations. We need to talk to one another. “Death is inevitable and everyone dies. Yet it is extraordinarily difficult to face and to discuss with loved ones. At the same time, planning for death is an absolute necessity to save grieving family members and friends from chaos and confusion during an emotionally challenging time,” to quote Barbara Bates Sedoric, Founder of LastingMatters.
Here’s how to share your estate planning intentions with your family:
Speak to the lawyer that prepared your estate plan and tell him/her you want to meet with your beneficiaries with the help of a trained probate mediator. Meet with the mediator and your lawyer about the issues that you predict will arise and make a plan to meet everyone together or separately, if necessary. The mediator will provide a respectful, safe process for everyone to hear your wishes and implement them, including how to introduce the subject. The goal is for your intentions to be paramount and honored.
If you haven’t done so already, complete The LastingMatters Organizer, so that you and your advisors understand and organize your current assets and intentions. Then meet with your family together, or in smaller groups, according to the plan worked out in advance with the mediator. If you invite your beneficiaries, they are very likely to attend.
In the meeting, your lawyer will explain how the estate documents and the legal process works. Everyone will hear the reasons why “Johnny is getting less than Sally”, what you mean by “equal”, and how your assets will be distributed. The family will be helped to understand why Aunt Jane is getting the cherished Picasso painting and the “xyz” funds (so that the painting can be restored – not because Aunt Jane unduly influenced you). Your relatives will have an opportunity to talk to you about your wishes, ask questions, and they may get an opportunity to vent their feelings.
Everyone will sign an agreement at the end of the mediation process and years of expensive, emotionally wrought future litigation will be avoided. Personal vendettas between siblings and family units will not play out due to any misunderstanding of your intentions. Families will not be divided into separate warring factions for generations to come. If you meet with family members in a mediation setting, Probate litigation can likely be avoided. People can address planning for the inevitable honestly and openly. We are all going to die and you are dealing with the inevitable life event realistically, describing to those you love what you want to have happen when you die.
Explaining your intentions in a mediated meeting is a price worth paying for avoiding the ‘chaos and confusion of an emotionally challenging time.’ How to Avoid Probate Litigation After Death
By Connie Rakowsky
Connie Rakowsky mediates probate and other types of disputes. Experience has been her teacher: she mediated hundreds of probate disputes and, in her own life, experienced intergenerational family rivalries between her father and his siblings. Connie’s paternal grandfather favored her father over his two older sisters in the family business. Generations later the resentments are baked into the family relationships. Formerly a successful business and bankruptcy lawyer for three decades, she handled sophisticated matters for clients while employing a practical approach.
For further information, contact Connie Rakowsky at RakowskyMediation.com

How to Avoid Probate Litigation After Death

How to Avoid Probate Litigation After Death How to Avoid Probate Litigation After Death How to Avoid Probate Litigation After Death How to Avoid Probate Litigation After Death How to Avoid Probate Litigation After Death
How to Avoid Probate Litigation After Death

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Why don't we talk about death?
Aging

Why don't we talk about death?

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric
Why don’t we talk about death? First of all, it’s going to happen to each and every one of us. Yet, why does initiating a conversation about planning ahead for death always seem to make people run in the other direction? Why don’t we talk about death?
What is it that makes us so fearful? Do you think that having conversations about end-of-life plans will in fact “jinx” you? Why don’t we talk about death?

Why talking about death and planning ahead is beneficial:

  • We are less prepared to tackle end-of-life decisions during a crisis (when incapacity occurs or when a loved one dies). Why don’t we talk about death
  • The lack of advance planning often divides family members when making difficult decisions.
  • The emotions of grief and vulnerability tend to increase all kinds of costs – including unplanned funeral expenses.
  • It’s better to be proactive and get ready than to be reactive with little or no guidance.
  • We are living longer and the increase Alzheimer’s presents a greater, more urgent, need to plan ahead.

Having counsel from both a Financial Advisor and an Estate Attorney is a good idea.

Financial Advisors engage in a wide range of conversations with their clients when strategic financial planning is done during their lifetimes. If your financial advisor is a fiduciary, the conversations should also include your individual life goals, family legacies, and the stewardship of your assets before and after death occurs.
Estate attorneys help adults plan ahead by writing legal documents, such as a will, to dictate what will happen to your money and real estate, minor children, and other assets in the event of incapacity or death. Estate planning also includes getting beneficiary designations in order, executing a durable power of attorney, and a health care power of attorney for if you become incapacitated and can’t speak for yourself.
It’s also a good idea to talk to your spouse, partner, aging parents and your adult children while you have opportunities to do so. Why don’t we talk about death?

Questions that might help jump-start those conversations:

  • What music would you like at your funeral or memorial service?
  • What interesting things do you want included in your obituary?
  • Does anyone know all of your passwords or where to find them?
  • If someone wants to make a donation in your memory, where would you like that donation to go?
  • Who should deliver the eulogy at your service?
  • What do you want your family to know that you haven’t yet communicated?
  • What do you want to have happen to your dog after your death?
  • What do you want done with your belongings?

“It always seems too early until it’s too late” is the theme for National Healthcare Decisions Day, held annually on April 16. NHDD.org is an organization whose mission it is to help you understand the value of advance healthcare planning encouraging every adult to make an advance care plan for the sake of their loved ones.

So why is it important to talk about death?

Because any information given or received is better than no information at all and because “what is in your head is gone when you’re dead”. You might even overcome your fears so that talking about death isn’t scary. Why don’t we talk about death?

Why don’t we talk about death

Why don’t we talk about death Why don’t we talk about death Why don’t we talk about death Why don’t we talk about death Why don’t we talk about death Why don’t we talk about death Why don’t we talk about death Why don’t we talk about death Why don’t we talk about death Why don’t we talk about death Why don’t we talk about death

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