The kitchen can be a dangerous place 10 Kitchen Updates Help Seniors Age-in-Place
Everyone spends a lot of time in the kitchen. After all, that’s where the food is. But for seniors, it can also be a room full of dangers. 10 Kitchen Updates Help Seniors Age-in-Place
Common accidents include:
Getting burned
Setting something on fire
Falling down while reaching for something
Getting cut from a knife
Accidentally ingesting poison (think about cleaning products stored under the sink; a potential danger for people with dementia)
Safe kitchens help seniors age in place
Preventing serious accidents helps older adults stay independent in their homes longer. A big part of that is increasing the safety and ease of use of the rooms where they spend a lot of time.
A well-thought-out kitchen reduces the risk of accidents and helps you worry less. Follow these 10 easy tips to make your senior’s kitchen safer.
10 simple kitchen safety updates
Make sure emergency contact numbers and critical medical information are clearly visible. The fridge is usually a good spot.
For those with a POLST or DNR, post clear instructions on where to find it.
Replace kitchen knives that are too large, heavy, or dull. They’ll be difficult to use and more likely to cause injuries.
Remove small appliances that aren’t being used anymore, like blenders or food processors. Put them in storage or donate them.
Keep frequently used appliances within easy reach on the counter, like the coffeemaker or toaster.
Move frequently used dishes, silverware, pots, and pans to easily accessible locations. The goal is to minimize reaching up or bending down — that can cause falls.
Check the stove, sink drain, garbage disposal, exhaust fan, and microwave to make sure they’re in good working condition.
Make sure a smoke detector is installed on or near the ceiling. Get one with 10 year battery and low false alarm rate for low maintenance.
Try a passive monitoring system like Evermind so you can make sure your senior is going about their usual daily routine without being intrusive. Peace of mind for both of you! 10 Kitchen Updates Help Seniors Age-in-Place
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When you ask American seniors about where they want to spend their golden years, they answer loud and clear: in the comfort of home. Over the past few decades, seniors and their families have voiced stronger and stronger preferences for aging at home with the help of elder care, rather than in a retirement home or nursing facility. Design Tips for Aging at Home At home senior care agencies, like Visiting Angels, give seniors the option of living at home for as long as possible by offering compassionate elder care and home assistance. But elder care is just one of the ways that seniors can extend their years at home – another is smart home design.
Every year, countless families spend tens of thousands on nursing home residencies that could have been delayed or avoided through simple changes to a senior’s home. With that in mind, here are some of our elder care experts’ top tips for making any home more senior-friendly:
Design Tips for Aging at Home
Improve Lighting. One of the easiest ways you can improve the senior-friendliness of any home is through lighting. Falls and injuries are often caused by unseen hazards. To reduce the chance of injury, install lights in areas with poor visibility and buy night lights to aid visibility on midnight trips to the bathroom.
Think “Accessible.” Age often limits mobility, which can make certain objects hard to get to. This makes life more difficult and increases the chance a senior will hurt themselves straining for certain items. To improve elder-care-friendliness, do everything you can to make the home more accessible by placing important objects within easy reach.
Eliminate Trip & Slip Hazards. Loose rugs, hardwood stairs, and glossy bathroom floors may be beautiful, but they pose a serious risk for trips and slips. Replace flooring or add non-slip strips in areas where slips are likely, and remove any items that present a high risk for tripping.
Install Better Door Handles & Faucets. Seniors with arthritis or strength issues often struggle with knob-style door handles and faucets. Lever-style handles are far easier to use and can purchased and installed at a relatively low cost.
Safer Bathrooms. The bathroom is the number one area of concern for senior safety. Shower bars, shower seating, and temperature-limits on hot water help seniors bathe safely. The professional senior caregivers from Visiting Angels also suggest grab bars and a raised seat for the toilet, which is one of the most overlooked areas when it comes to injury risks.
Senior Living Equipment. There are a number of tools you can bring into your home that make home-life easier for seniors. Stair lifts and walkers are two of the most common pieces used by seniors with mobility issues.
Watch Out for Stairs & Steps. Stairs and steps are major areas of concern, not only for the increased risk of tripping, but also for the increased risk of severe injury. Have sturdy railings installed wherever there are stairs in your home, and consider adding small ramps in place of single steps.
The best ways to create an elder care friendly home will change on a case by case basis. So if you or a loved one are struggling to live at home, do a risk and comfort assessment to see where changes can be made. If you have already taken the step of hiring an elder care provider – such as those from Visiting Angels – they can help with this part of the process. Remember that small changes can pay big dividends, helping you avoid the costs of nursing care and extend the time spent in comfortable, familiar surroundings. Design Tips for Aging at Home
The body goes through a lot of changes as we age and, unfortunately, those changes can be frustrating and troublesome. They can also be quite expensive, so modifying the home can be an intimidating process that we’d rather avoid altogether. But while there are some investments that will be necessary because of safety and convenience, there are actually many ways we can make our homes safer and more accessible without having to sing over your savings to a contractor. Here are some easy age friendly home updates you can do yourself over a weekend: Senior Age Friendly Home Updates The Front Entry Make it accessible without any steps. Thresholds higher than half an inch pose big problems with walkers and wheelchairs, so it may be worthwhile to invest in a portable threshold or a threshold ramp. An entryway with a high threshold plus stairs comes with even more risks, so a ramp is worth some serious consideration. Their benefits make them worth having as a permanent fixture, but if costs and aesthetics are an issue then it’s possible to make your own. There are important safety considerations that need to be taken into account, but DIY portable ramps can offer mobile wheelchair and walker assistance while allowing you to pack them into the garage as needed. Kitchens Senior Age Friendly Home Updates Reaching up high and bending down to low can put a lot of strain on backs. Spare seniors the discomfort by installing some pull-out shelves and sliding drawers. High shelves can have units installed that pull down or slide out for a quick reach, and low cupboards can have pull out bins drilled in to enable an easy grab minus the crouching and digging. And you don’t have to be a home builder to pull it off. Find a drill gun and a steady hand, and the hardest part will be finding a parking spot at the home supply store. And while you’re shopping for those cabinets, be sure to take a look at cabinet knobs and drawer pulls. Anything that requires a small and tight grip is going to challenge arthritic hands, and that’s unnecessary pain that can be easily avoided. D-shaped and C-shaped knobs are the best route to go, but anything that can be grabbed with a closed fist will make cabinetry easier to access. Bathrooms If there’s one room that demands a remodel, it’s the bathroom. Floors are slippery; tubs and showers are hard to climb in and out of; sinks don’t accommodate wheelchairs; and low toilets make it hard to lower down and stand back up. The ideal bathroom would have a walk-in tub with built in grab bars, non-slip floors, ADA approved toilets, and a pedestal sink that’s accessible from a wheelchair. Unfortunately, these types of renovations take a considerable amount of both time and money, so they won’t be feasible until next year’s tax return. Luckily there are important safety measures that can be taken — and they won’t take a pretty penny and hours of effort. One reason bathrooms have such dangerous potential is because there’s nothing to grab onto. Grab bars can address this, and they can even do so in a functional and aesthetic manner. Grab bars can be purchased as dual-purpose units that incorporate a toilet paper holder, towel hanger, or even a shelf, so they can blend in with the bathroom rather than stand out like a sore thumb. Find grab bar units that match your faucets and install one by the toilet as well as the inside and outside of the shower and tub to offer helpful support. Purchase non-skid mats or tape to place outside the shower and tub and the risk of slips will be reduced even further. Walkways Whether or not you need to accommodate a wheelchair or walker, you want to have room to roam. Tight spaces make it easy for clothing to catch onto knobs and corners, and cords can cause some painful falls, so it’s imperative to have clear walkways. Unfortunately, that may mean rolling up some of your favorite rugs. Frayed edges and floppy corners are fall hazards for seniors, so anything that isn’t non-slip or fixed down with double-sided tape is best kept in storage. Get string rugs packed up and push anything with cords along the wall where they’re less likely to be tripped on. There are many different ways to add comfort and safety to your home without putting in a huge chunk of time or money. Everyone deserves quality of life, and a weekend or two of installation will make that all possible.
It’s no surprise that many people want to do all that they can for an aging parent or relative. But life sometimes gets in the way. From work, to family, to the difficulties that aging brings about, its rare that you can do it all on your own. When that happens, you may need at-home assistance from a senior care professional. When Is At-Home Senior Care Necessary?
At Visiting Angels, our caregivers provide high-quality at-home senior care to families in need, so we know what kinds of situations make senior care necessary. We’ve helped countless families navigate the decision around senior care, and we can do the same for you.
Are you concerned that a parent or relative may need at-home senior care? If so, the following signs may let you know whether or not you and your loved one can benefit from professional care:
You Find Yourself Overwhelmed
Does caring for your parent or relative eat up most of your free time? Do you regularly find yourself tired, overworked, or exhausted from the burden of caregiving? Are you finding it hard to make time for work, family, or relationships due to the time you spend caring for your loved one?
If so, at-home senior care may be exactly what you need. Professional caregivers provide much needed respite for overwhelmed family members charged with the care of a loved one. One option you may wish to explore is part-time care, which will allow you to manage the amount of time, effort, and energy you spend caring for your parent or relative.
Your Loved One Is Starting to Struggle
Often, the need for at-home senior care stems from challenges and difficulties related to advanced aging. Generally, these challenges fall into one of three categories: physical, mental, or emotional.
Physical Challenges. As your loved one ages, they may begin to struggle with movement, balance, everyday tasks, or bodily functions. These kinds of challenges can be tough to deal with. Sometimes you may feel physically overmatched. Other times, your loved one may be embarrassed to ask for your help and would prefer the help offered by a non-family member.
Mental Challenges. Problems with memory can occur naturally with aging, making it difficult to leave a loved one unattended. Even bigger challenges are posed by memory disorders like dementia or Alzheimer’s, which can be tough to handle without the help of a professional and are often particularly taxing on family members.
Emotional Challenges. Aging can sometimes trigger feelings of depression or loneliness. Blue feelings can be brought about or made worse by the death of friends or the loss of a spouse. If you find that your loved one is struggling with mood or emotional issues, you may find that a service such as companion care can help.
You Worry About Leaving Them on Their Own
You can’t be in two places at once, so it can be tough to make sure someone’s there to look after your loved one. If you find that you worry about leaving your loved one at home alone, then at-home senior can help. A care provider will be able to watch over your parent or relative throughout the day, ensuring someone is always there in case anything happens.
Distance Is Getting in the Way
In today’s world, many of us live miles and miles away from our loved ones. While phone calls and emails can keep you connected, they’re not enough when your loved one starts to struggle with day-to-day living. In this case, you may wish to explore long distance at-home senior care. Long distance care programs help families look after and regularly check-in on aging loved ones – all without the need for a red-eye flight or several hours on the highway.
If you find yourself in need of at-home senior care, contact your local Visiting Angels office. Our at-home senior care providers help the elderly and their families make aging at home easier.
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Three dos: Helping Parents Resisting A Move to Senior Living
Understand their perspective. Moving can be frightening. Remember when you first moved away to college or a new city? For aging parents, moving to a senior living community is a big change and an even bigger step out of their comfort zone. By empathizing with their situation, you are better able to approach the experience from their perspective. Moving to a Senior Living Community and Dealing Resistant Parents
Emphasize your aging loved ones’ health. Make it readily known that the well being of your aging parent is your top priority. If you are concerned about his or her health, eating habits, or social interactions, reiterate your intentions and focus on the positive benefits a move to a senior living community can have on his or her quality of life.
Find a place that fits. Research. Research. Research. One of the most important aspects of helping an aging parent move from his or her current home to a retirement community is making the move appealing. Maybe your parent is looking for a place with plenty of activities and events or perhaps he or she will not consider moving to a community without a beautiful garden and plenty of walking space. Consider these important factors for your parent when researching senior living options. After researching and identifying a senior living community your parent is interested in, plan a visit and ask as many questions during the visit and tour as it takes for your parent to feel comfortable.
Three don’ts:
Be negative. Your parent will be less than enthused about a potential move to a senior living community if your focus is on the negative reasons for the move. Emphasize this is an opportunity to make new friends, instead of focusing on how the community may be in a different neighborhood than his or her current home. Remind your aging parent or loved one that he or she will have chef-prepared meals, instead of criticizing his or her current eating habits. Focusing on the positive aspects of a retirement community move is a great way to reframe the conversation.
Make quick decisions. It is important to start the conversation about moving to a senior living community early. A gradual adjustment to a new reality is always better than a rushed decision. Give your aging loved one plenty of time to acclimate him or herself to the possibility of moving to a new home. While the process may take longer, you will find the experience much more enjoyable for your aging loved one.
Go unsupported. Helping your aging parent move to a senior living community is a team effort. Whether you enlist the help of your siblings, extended family members, or friends, display a united front to let your aging parent know everyone he or she cares about also cares about him or her. Have any of your aging parent’s friends recently moved to a senior living community? Use their experience to display senior living in a positive light with a personal touch.
If your aging loved one is not immediately open to a senior living community move, it does not mean he or she will never embrace the idea, it just may take a little bit more time to assuage concerns. Above all, you want your aging loved one to know you are acting with his or her best health and interests in mind.
Growing Senior Population Offers Builders and Remodelers New Opportunity
The U.S. is getting older, and according to the U.S. Department of Health Administration on Aging, the number of Americans ages 65 and older will more than double to 88.5 million by 2050. Of course, along with an aging population come the questions of how to care for them and where they’re going to live. Growing Senior Population Offers Builders and Remodelers New Opportunity
Although the group often has several options for where to live when they start experiencing mobility issues — including active adult communities, nursing homes and assisted living facilities — a significant portion of seniors want to stay in their current homes as they age.
“Of people 55 and older, the reality is 90% of them want to stay where they are,” Construction Manager Mike Shina, of Atlanta homebuilder and developer Windsong Properties, told Construction Dive.
Building new space for downsizing seniors
Of people 55 and older, the reality is 90% of them want to stay where they are.
Despite the fact that many seniors want to remain in their current homes, part of the demographic is able to downsize and look for a new home designed specifically for them. Shina said a significant portion of Windsong’s customers are empty nesters downsizing from local homes or moving to the Atlanta area to be closer to their children.
He said that although the location of a community, or, as he put it, “proximity to healthcare and grandchildren,” is paramount for these customers, when it comes to choosing a home in which to age comfortably, it’s all about flexibility of design. Shina said Windsong’s open plan homes have standard features like wider doorways, stepless entries, 32-inch clear minimum openings and lower shower thresholds, but many are constructed without interior bearing points to make future renovations easier.
“We like to think that we’ve designed into the home what they would need to stay independent, and that’s why we really call it active adult housing,” he said.
Shina said the company’s home designs have even taken into consideration the needs of “the sandwich generation,” and many of their floor plans have separate suite areas if an adult child or older parents move in. In addition, Shina noted, most of their homes with a third bedroom end up with that space turned into a study or home office.
Renovations for existing homes
Not everyone, though, is able or wants to move into a new home in preparation for the golden years. For those people, creativity is the key to making a home as safe and livable for as long as possible.
According to Harvard’s Joint Center for Housing Studies, 5.5 million older households include someone with mobility difficulty but are without accessibility modifications, such as no-step entryways and ramps. Researchers have concluded that there is at least a $13 billion opportunity for the remodeling industry just by installing these features.
Architect Kimberly Bunn, of Bunn Architecture, said existing aging-in-place home renovations are a special challenge because the homeowner is often dealing with limited space at a time when more space is needed to deal with mobility issues.
“It’s easier to plan for (aging in place) with new homes and even renovations if you’re adding on,” she told Construction Dive. “But I go into a lot of projects where they’re in the home they’ve been in for 15 to 20 years. They’ve raised their kids there, and they don’t want to leave, so a lot of times it takes a little bit more (creativity) because you’re working with existing space.”
Bunn said the lack of space necessitates, for example, things like finding a way to create a bathroom out of existing closet space on the first floor if the bathrooms are currently on the second floor. Stairs, indoor or outdoor, are another challenge, she said, as balance, or lack thereof, becomes an important consideration.
“If everything is on the second level, can we get a person who’s aging up the stairs easily? It might be a matter of making the stairs more graceful with landings so that they can stop more frequently,” she said. “If your house is raised off of the ground, are there steps that come up? How do we get that person up the steps, whether it’s a ramp or shorter runs of steps with landings and good handrails for them to hold onto?”
Bunn said that during the renovation process, factoring in flexibility for the future is critical because not every special accommodation needs to be made right away.
“You don’t want to put a grab bar in the bathroom when you’re 40,” she said, “but we put in the future capacity to add grab bars.”
Bunn added that postponing some changes is sometimes a matter of morale.
“I’ve had clients who are not wheelchair-bound yet, but they have a debilitating disease so they know in five to eight years the likelihood is that they’re going to be, but they don’t necessarily want to have those (home modifications) there as a constant reminder,” she said. “So we’re sensitive in the design so that we can do things that can be modified and easily changed to give them a better quality of life all the way up to that point.”
Small changes with a big impact
Not all aging in place accommodations need an architect or contractor, though. Jeff Salter, CEO of Caring Senior Service, said in-home safety and fall risk assessments often result in small, superficial changes that make a huge impact on the daily life of someone with limited mobility.
“(The assessment) takes into account their current ability to sit and walk and also their balance,” Salter told Construction Dive. “That assessment really guides us to what steps we have to take next — what things they’re going to need.”
Salter said the typical modifications his company performs are centered around the senior’s day-to-day activities and include changes like grab bars in the bathroom and kitchen or rails in long hallways. Salter said that as people age, reflexes slow down, so recovery from a slip is increasingly challenging.
Shina said the option for fixtures like grab bars are much more plentiful than they were just 10 to 15 years ago.
“Trying to find a grab bar that matched the plumbing fixtures was ridiculous. Nobody did it. Now you can get a toilet paper holder that you can use to lift yourself up on,” he said.
In bathrooms — a common area of slip-and-fall accidents — Salter said maneuvering in and out of the shower can be risky for many of his clients, and tile is the worst flooring option for someone who is at risk for falling.
“While the tile looks beautiful, and it fits with modern design, it may not be the right design for someone that’s at an advanced age,” he said.
Lighting is another small change that can make a big impact, according to Salter.
“That’s an easy modification if you use a light meter to determine what the total amount of light is. Sometimes it’s as simple as changing a bulb,” he said. “Sometimes we’ll need more bulbs or maybe an additional fixture or even have to paint a wall. If you change the color on a dark wall, that really provides a lot more reflectivity and somebody would be able to see better in those areas.”
A broader trend not limited to boomers
While the aging in place movement meets an important need, Shina sees it as part of a larger trend toward the use of universal design, not only for baby boomers but for millennials as well.
“The old way that we did things seems to be wasteful, and I think the mindset, regardless of age, is on efficiency, but also quality with artistic elements,” Shina said.
He added that as Windsong joins the trend of urban redevelopment, their homes will evolve into more of a universal design as opposed to strictly active adults.
“If you want to save resources and talk green building, an aging-in-place-designed house is about as good as you can get,” Shina said, “because if that’s the house they buy, that’s the house that serves them for their entire lives.”
Although some people want to move to a warmer climate or exotic locale in retirement, for most folks, their current home is where their heart is. They want to age in place, continuing to live in their home or at least in the same community. And they’re not afraid to remodel and try new technologies to make that happen, new research shows. They’d even be willing to have a cleaning robot or heated driveway.
The vast majority of people age 50 and older want to stay in their homes and communities for as long as possible, AARP data show. The group has expanded the definition of aging in place to include people either remaining in their own home or staying in the same community in other possible housing options, says Rodney Harrell, director of Livable Communities in AARP’s Public Policy Institute.
“There is something deeply nourishing about our homes, and people become increasingly appreciative of that emotional connection as they get older,” says gerontologist Ken Dychtwald, CEO of Age Wave. “It’s a rich emotional nest.”
Many people want to stay in their home “because they are most comfortable with what is most familiar,” agrees psychologist Mary Languirand, co-author of How to Age in Place, written with her husband, Robert Bornstein. “People are going to do whatever they can to maintain that sense of comfort. That is the ideal place in a lot of people’s minds.”
And they are willing to try technology. The Merrill Lynch-Age Wave survey found:
• 80% of retirees are interested in new technologies to reduce their home expenses, such as smart thermostats or apps to control appliances.
• 76% are interested in technologies to monitor their health at home, such as sensors, alerts or medication reminder apps.
• 67% are interested in home technologies to help them optimize their health, such as devices for air purification or to improve sleep.
• 58% are interested in technologies to help them maintain their home, such as cleaning robots or heated driveways.
In homes of the future there may be cleaning robots, thermostats that go up and down as you go in and out of rooms, alerts to take your medication or go to your doctors’ appointments, Dychtwald says. “There may be homes that can be reshaped and remodeled to accommodate visitors or guests. Imagine walls moving and desks disappearing and trundle beds coming out when the grandkids come.”
Dychtwald says 52% of people over the age of 75 live alone, and there will be more technologies that let adult children know if a parent slips or needs help. “Technology can help people keep an eye on mom or dad.”
“The good news is that all of these breakthroughs are on the drawing board or already available, but they are waiting for the market to take more full advantage of them,” he says.
New technology is a huge boon for people who want to continue to live in their home, Languirand agrees. “The smart-home concepts are wonderful because there are so many functions of the home that can be programmed and made automatic. Help is often one button push away so you are never really out of touch. It helps people feel more secure.”
She says many age-in-place concepts could be useful to people of all ages, such as easy-to-operate window hardware; easy-to-read, programmable thermostats; lighting fixtures that make rooms brighter; low-maintenance exteriors and anti-scald devices on showers.
As people get older, they should continue to evaluate their situation, she says. They may need ramps to make their homes wheelchair-accessible, wider doorways, grab bars and shower seats in bathrooms to prevent falls, she says.
Harrell says technological advancements can help make up for the fact that most homes are not designed for aging.
“High-quality Internet access is an essential component of many of these technologies, and when we looked at older adults, we found that those with low incomes, those who lived in rural areas, and those who did not drive were less likely to have access than their counterparts,” he says. “If people don’t have adequate Internet access, they may miss out on the advantages that technology can provide.”
AARP has a home guide with dozens of suggestions to help you live as long as possible in your current house, Harrell says. Those include making sure that area rugs have non-slip grips to prevent tripping and slipping; having an entrance door that’s easy to unlock and lock,
open and close and automatic night-lights plugged into outlets near steps and staircases.
By Nancy Hellmich in USA Today
1. It pays to retrofit. Basic design and structural modifications to a one-story home cost an average of $9,000 to $12,000, according to The MetLife Report on Aging in Place 2.0. Contrast that expense to the cost of assisted living, which averaged $3,500 per month in 2014, according to Genworth Financial, or $42,000 a year.
2. Think small. Start with replacement hardware, such as lever-handled doorknobs and sturdy handrails along stairs. Install grab bars, single-handled faucets and “comfort height” toilets in the bathrooms. Upgrade your kitchen by adding rollout shelves and better lighting under the cabinets. (For a comprehensive to-do list, see the Aging-in-Place Remodeling Checklist at http://www.nahb.org.)
3. Make it accessible. Other modifications will cost more, and you may want to consult an expert. Certified Aging-in-Place Specialists (CAPS) — who have completed a program developed by the National Association of Home Builders in collaboration with AARP — can create a prioritized to-do list suited to your budget and resources (to search by zip code, visit the NAHB website at http://www.nahb.org and search for “CAPS Directory”). If, for example, your home has entry steps, consider installing a ramp; it will run $1,200 to $2,500, according to http://www.costowl.com. A curbless modular shower will cost $2,000 to $3,000 to install.
4. Consider the big picture. Structural changes may include widening doorways and corridors and eliminating walls to accommodate wheelchairs and scooters, or even creating space in a multistory home to add an elevator later. The perfect time to make such adjustments is when you’re updating or remodeling your home.
5. Tap your equity. If you have substantial equity in your home, you have multiple ways to pay for improvements, such as a cash-out refinance of your mortgage, a home-equity loan or line of credit, or a reverse mortgage. For more information on reverse mortgages, visit the websites of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (go to http://www.cfpb.gov and search for “reverse mortgage”) and the National Reverse Mortgage Lenders Association (http://www.reversemortgage.org). Veterans may be eligible for a grant to construct or retrofit their homes (see http://www.benefits.va.gov/homeloans/adaptedhousing.asp).
6. Use Technology for support. R2-D2 to the rescue. Voice-activated robot helpers are on the way. Meanwhile, existing tech tools can help you stay in touch with family, caregivers and community, as well as monitor your health and provide for security, says Laurie Orlov, founder of the Aging in Place Technology Watch (http://www.ageinplacetech.com). For example, the BeClose system (http://beclose.com; $499 for equipment plus $99 a month) will alert your emergency contacts if you diverge from your usual activity pattern. By Patricia Mertz Esswein, Kiplinger’s Personal Finance
(Patricia Mertz Esswein is an associate editor at Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine. Send your questions and comments to moneypower@kiplinger.com. And for more on this and similar money topics, visit Kiplinger.com.)
(c) 2015 Kiplinger’s Personal Finance; Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
This is common. Many parents are quite independent. They want to do things on their own for as long as they are moving around. The problem is that for some people, there comes a time when moving around and doing tasks that were easy before become more difficult. Even so, many seniors do not want the help. They feel like if they give up one thing, they will have to give up something else. While you know that probably isn’t the case, your parent is fearful. Understanding how to help your elderly parents who don’t want help can make this situation much better for you and your mom/dad. Helping Elderly Parents Who Don’t Want Help
Suggest Help
When you are with your parent and you see he/she is struggling, you can offer to help. You may say, “Can I do anything for you?” or “Would you like me to get that pan for you?”
The most important part of asking is to make sure you don’t point out he/she can’t do something. You are merely helping, not doing.
Help before It’s Needed
You don’t have to say anything to help your loved one. You can simply just do it. For example, if you know your parent has a hard time cooking, bring over a meal. Don’t say anything about him/her not being able to cook, just do it as if it was something nice you wanted to do. If you see the kitchen needs a good wipe down, go ahead and do it while you’re talking to him/her. These little tasks you do may not seem like much, but they are helpful and appreciated as long as it doesn’t seem you are doing it because he/she can’t do it.
Back Off When Asked
There will be times when you’ll overstep your boundaries, but don’t worry, your parent will likely tell you quickly. Don’t argue about it, but instead, just take a step back. If you need to, supervise what he/she is doing. This will keep your parent safe because you can always take over if something terrible happens. Just don’t jump too early because you’re nervous something is about to happen.
Understand You May Not Get a Thank You
You may not get a thank you. Helping elderly parents who don’t want help means you’ll be doing something they don’t want to do. Even if they know they can’t do it, it still doesn’t feel good for them. Understand that this has nothing to do with you. It’s just hard for them to accept. Thank and reward yourself as you care for your parent and there may be a time you may hear those two magic words.
Need Some More Help?
If you need some more help with this situation, please book a session with personal consultant Kendall Van Blarcom. He has a patient ear and will help you come up with ways to help your parents even when they don’t want the help.
If you’re a senior citizen who doesn’t want help, but your daughter/son wants to help, you are invited to contact Kendall as well. He can help you work with your daughter/son to preserve the relationship.
Kendall Van Blarcom
www.KvanB.com