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Aging

Making your Own Decision About End of Life

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

Hope is Not a Plan, But Planning Will Generate Hope

It’s here. Some call it the “silver tsunami” while others reference it as “the greying of America”. Nearly half of the “sandwich“ generation have a parent over age 65 and are raising young children or supporting grown children. Making your Own Decision about End of Life

Alarmingly, thousands of critically important end-of-life and after death decisions are currently being made without the benefit of advanced planning. While “hope” is not a plan, planning realizes hope.
Have you ever considered all the decisions that will need to be made when someone, including yourself, dies?

Are you leaving it up to “let’s hope my spouse or kids will know what to do” or “let’s hope someone will find what they need” or “let’s hope they will remember my wishes”?

Death is inevitable. The topic of planning for death is a hard one to face and discuss with people you care about. It is difficult to think about all the things that you need to get done in order to “get your affairs in order”. But the result of not having a clear plan in the end is that those that you care about are left to only “hope” to do their best to piece together any conversations or verbal instructions that might have occurred in the past.

Unfortunately, relying on memories and hope alone tends to be problematic.
During my career in estates and trusts, I witnessed many chaotic family scenes at widows’ homes while helping search for vital information during an emotionally challenging time. I observed the heartache and enormous stress families endured as they navigated the decision-making process and the many tasks that confronted them after the death of a loved one. Making your Own Decision about End of Life

Several years ago, my mother died suddenly. We spent countless hours searching for documents, double checking facts, and gathering the personal details about her life so we could write an obituary. We did not know what her wishes were, so we relied on hoping we knew what she would have liked to have happened. We were left without a set of clear directions to make myriad decisions and necessary arrangements. We could only hope for the best.

Those experiences taught me that “winging it” is not a good plan and “hoping for the best” does not necessarily bring about the peaceful outcome that everyone is looking for when death happens. No one wants to die, but no one has ever escaped it. Planning ahead however, brings peace of mind.
LastingMatters was launched to help any adult, at any age, prepare for what happens after death using a comprehensive and easy-to-use planning guide. The LastingMatters Organizer was created to prepare anyone for life’s biggest event by compiling, organizing, and documenting one’s wishes, intentions and important personal information all together in one location. Making your

Own Decision about End of Life
The LastingMatters Organizer is a straightforward guide that walks you through everything from what to do with your belongings to how you want your life celebrated. Below are easy to understand prompts you can use to help your loved ones be prepared to carry out your wishes:

• Who should be notified when you die?
• What kind of service would you like?
• Do you wish to be cremated or buried?
• What would you like to have included in your obituary?
• Where are your passwords listed?
• Who should take care of your pets?
• Where are your bank accounts?
• Which family traditions would you like to pass on?
• What happens to all of your “treasures”?

Whether your death is sudden or expected, your loved ones will be dealing with a lot of emotion in the period right after your passing. Unfortunately, this is a time when family and friends will need to take immediate and critical decisions.

Being hopeful means having the faith and confidence that someone will take care of what matters most to you. Planning ahead creates positive feelings for you and for those left behind wrapping up and honoring your life. Hope is achieved when everything turns out as you planned.

Making a clear plan for life’s greatest transition means that you care about your family and friends. The gift of information will save time, money, stress, and the family pressures often associated with death.
In the end, it’s better to be prepared for the worst, and hope for the best. Making your Own Decision about End of Life

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Lasting Matters Organizer
Aging

Lasting Matters Organizer

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

Will They Know What to do Without You?

Don’t leave your legacy or important instructions to chance. Help those who care about you most by planning ahead for the future. Make sure those close to you know what you want, where to turn, and have the information they need at their fingertips.

Use The LastingMatters Organizer to easily convey your intentions as a compliment to your will and estate plan. Use it to explain matters like the disposition of your belongings, handling your social media accounts, and to pass along information about family traditions and history.

It is a straightforward, comprehensive, yet highly individualized guide covering topics about everything that might need to be communicated upon incapacity or death.

Topics include:
• Your end-of-life care
• What kind of service you’d like
• Location of documents
• A list of your passwords
• Care for your pets
• Location of bank accounts

What you choose to share is up to you.
Your family and friends will find what matters most to you and everyone will find true peace of mind.

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Who Will Write Your Obituary?
AgingHome & Family

Who Will Write Your Obituary?

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

I asked my only brother to do me a huge favor. I asked him to write a draft of my obituary. Who Will Write Your Obituary?

First, to alleviate any further alarm or inquiries, as far as I know, I am quite healthy and looking forward to many more years on this planet. I simply decided that there is no time like the present to reflect upon my life so far, and to begin a draft of what will be of great value to my family when they will need it most.
Some of you may cringe at the thought, but others might consider it to be a “terrific” idea! Happily, my only sibling didn’t bat an eye at this seemingly unusual request.
Recently, I celebrated a milestone birthday. With each passing decade, I’m shocked at just how fast time flies by. I also think about the shortened runway ahead and what I can do now to help my family – if I’m not able in the future. Frankly, writing a draft obituary is like writing an autobiography with the satisfaction of achieving a meaningful and practical outcome.
So I asked my very talented and articulate brother, Todd B. Bates, an award-winning journalist with a 35-year writing career, to compile and assemble a draft. I gave him all the “facts” and some guidance and he composed a working document that I will now edit, and embellish, as the years go by.
First and foremost, it is important to remember that you are writing the “last” message that those who love you, along with the rest of the world, will read. The words should capture your personality. Second, getting the facts right is paramount.
Besides the usual biographical data and information about services and burial, it’s nice to include information that really matters to you. Adding some humor is not such a bad idea either. It’s also a good time to choose your favorite photo or you can always leave that task up to others.
Taking the time and opportunity now to write your own obituary allows you to sit back, reflect upon your life’s passages, and the chance to put your best foot forward and narrate your final story. Who better to tell!

Who Will Write Your Obituary?

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Why don't we talk about death?
Aging

Why don't we talk about death?

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric
Why don’t we talk about death? First of all, it’s going to happen to each and every one of us. Yet, why does initiating a conversation about planning ahead for death always seem to make people run in the other direction? Why don’t we talk about death?
What is it that makes us so fearful? Do you think that having conversations about end-of-life plans will in fact “jinx” you? Why don’t we talk about death?

Why talking about death and planning ahead is beneficial:

  • We are less prepared to tackle end-of-life decisions during a crisis (when incapacity occurs or when a loved one dies). Why don’t we talk about death
  • The lack of advance planning often divides family members when making difficult decisions.
  • The emotions of grief and vulnerability tend to increase all kinds of costs – including unplanned funeral expenses.
  • It’s better to be proactive and get ready than to be reactive with little or no guidance.
  • We are living longer and the increase Alzheimer’s presents a greater, more urgent, need to plan ahead.

Having counsel from both a Financial Advisor and an Estate Attorney is a good idea.

Financial Advisors engage in a wide range of conversations with their clients when strategic financial planning is done during their lifetimes. If your financial advisor is a fiduciary, the conversations should also include your individual life goals, family legacies, and the stewardship of your assets before and after death occurs.
Estate attorneys help adults plan ahead by writing legal documents, such as a will, to dictate what will happen to your money and real estate, minor children, and other assets in the event of incapacity or death. Estate planning also includes getting beneficiary designations in order, executing a durable power of attorney, and a health care power of attorney for if you become incapacitated and can’t speak for yourself.
It’s also a good idea to talk to your spouse, partner, aging parents and your adult children while you have opportunities to do so. Why don’t we talk about death?

Questions that might help jump-start those conversations:

  • What music would you like at your funeral or memorial service?
  • What interesting things do you want included in your obituary?
  • Does anyone know all of your passwords or where to find them?
  • If someone wants to make a donation in your memory, where would you like that donation to go?
  • Who should deliver the eulogy at your service?
  • What do you want your family to know that you haven’t yet communicated?
  • What do you want to have happen to your dog after your death?
  • What do you want done with your belongings?

“It always seems too early until it’s too late” is the theme for National Healthcare Decisions Day, held annually on April 16. NHDD.org is an organization whose mission it is to help you understand the value of advance healthcare planning encouraging every adult to make an advance care plan for the sake of their loved ones.

So why is it important to talk about death?

Because any information given or received is better than no information at all and because “what is in your head is gone when you’re dead”. You might even overcome your fears so that talking about death isn’t scary. Why don’t we talk about death?

Why don’t we talk about death

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How to Be a Health Advocate for Your Aging Parent
Aging

Help Adult Children face Your End of Life

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

There are many reasons adult children might struggle to face their parents mortality. Let’s face it, no one wants to think about death and dying much less talk about it. Yet, it’s inevitable and deserves setting aside time to have a very important conversation while you are able to. Help Adult Children face Your End of Life

Help Adult Children face Your End of Life

As you grow older and end-of-life preparations are considered, there comes a time when you will need, and want, people to join in and help you as you go through the process of getting your affairs in order. At the very least, you’d like your adult children to acknowledge that the road does not go on forever and you’d like to be prepared for your sake as well as for theirs.

Specifically, we’re talking about having face-to-face, open and honest conversations with your adult children. As much as we might wish it were different, things will not go on as they are today, at this very moment, or perhaps even next month or this year. Hopefully, you will not have to undertake these preparations and discussions alone.

Do you have children who will engage in conversations that are sensitive? Will your spouse be open to and able to lend a hand in making some decisions with you? Should you consider having conversations with the care manager at the retirement commmunity or health facility where you live and have been cared for? Can your trusted advisor help guide these conversations between you and the next generation?

What your adult child might really be struggling with as you near your end of life is their own mortality. After all, if you’re getting older, they (your children) are too…and they may feel like they are not that far behind you and therefore choose to avoid the topic at hand.

To get started, you can encourage and allow your child to express whatever feelings they may have about end-of-life. Ask them some open ended questions such as “what worries you the most?” If you’re able to, it might help to arrange a specific time to talk with your adult children together with an advisor – someone they respect and trust – or perhaps even engage the services of a professional therapist.

You might suggest that as your end-of-life approaches, getting your affairs in order is not only important to you, it will also help them in the end and save them time and reduce family pressures that often arise when the inevitable happens. Additionally, you might wish to alert them about, or even include them in, the planning process so they can learn about what matters most to you. Perhaps you will consider telling them about an item that is meaningful to you that you have chosen as a special keepsake, just for them.

One of the greatest gifts of all that you can give your adult children is access to information when they will need it most after a life-changing event, such as incapacity or death, occurs. LastingMatters provides an easy, affordable, and comprehensive way to compile, document and organize your personal wishes and intentions related to end-of-life planning and planning for death, helping to ensure peace of mind for you and your loved ones.

Help Adult Children face Your End of Life

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