Three dos: Helping Parents Resisting A Move to Senior Living
Understand their perspective. Moving can be frightening. Remember when you first moved away to college or a new city? For aging parents, moving to a senior living community is a big change and an even bigger step out of their comfort zone. By empathizing with their situation, you are better able to approach the experience from their perspective. Moving to a Senior Living Community and Dealing Resistant Parents
Emphasize your aging loved ones’ health. Make it readily known that the well being of your aging parent is your top priority. If you are concerned about his or her health, eating habits, or social interactions, reiterate your intentions and focus on the positive benefits a move to a senior living community can have on his or her quality of life.
Find a place that fits. Research. Research. Research. One of the most important aspects of helping an aging parent move from his or her current home to a retirement community is making the move appealing. Maybe your parent is looking for a place with plenty of activities and events or perhaps he or she will not consider moving to a community without a beautiful garden and plenty of walking space. Consider these important factors for your parent when researching senior living options. After researching and identifying a senior living community your parent is interested in, plan a visit and ask as many questions during the visit and tour as it takes for your parent to feel comfortable.
Three don’ts:
Be negative. Your parent will be less than enthused about a potential move to a senior living community if your focus is on the negative reasons for the move. Emphasize this is an opportunity to make new friends, instead of focusing on how the community may be in a different neighborhood than his or her current home. Remind your aging parent or loved one that he or she will have chef-prepared meals, instead of criticizing his or her current eating habits. Focusing on the positive aspects of a retirement community move is a great way to reframe the conversation.
Make quick decisions. It is important to start the conversation about moving to a senior living community early. A gradual adjustment to a new reality is always better than a rushed decision. Give your aging loved one plenty of time to acclimate him or herself to the possibility of moving to a new home. While the process may take longer, you will find the experience much more enjoyable for your aging loved one.
Go unsupported. Helping your aging parent move to a senior living community is a team effort. Whether you enlist the help of your siblings, extended family members, or friends, display a united front to let your aging parent know everyone he or she cares about also cares about him or her. Have any of your aging parent’s friends recently moved to a senior living community? Use their experience to display senior living in a positive light with a personal touch.
If your aging loved one is not immediately open to a senior living community move, it does not mean he or she will never embrace the idea, it just may take a little bit more time to assuage concerns. Above all, you want your aging loved one to know you are acting with his or her best health and interests in mind.
Three Ways Senior Living Gives You Greater Independence
As you consider moving into a senior living community, you’re probably concerned that your independence is at risk. Well, you don’t have to worry. Senior living isn’t about taking away your freedom to live how you want. In fact, it’s actually about providing you more opportunities to experience your ideal post-retirement life. Check out these three ways senior living gives you greater independence.
1. Better Food — Without The Hassle
Think about all the time and energy you spend taking care of three meals a day. It’s not easy. A senior living community takes that burden off your shoulders by providing multiple healthy dining options at every meal — not only giving you great choices, but also, freeing up your schedule.
2. Comfortable Living — Without The Chores
When you think about independence, cleaning and doing yard work probably aren’t very high on your to-do list. Independence should be about making decisions with what to do with your day, not being chained down by home maintenance. Senior living takes that off your plate, so you can spend more time doing what you want.
3. More Opportunities — Without Any Obligation
The post-retirement life doesn’t have to be boring. In fact, it shouldn’t be! Senior living provides regular activity programming that gives you plenty of choices every day to continue pursuing lifelong interests or find new ones. How much or how little you participate is completely up to you.
A common misconception about senior living is that it restricts your post-retirement life. In reality, senior living focuses on taking care of the unwieldy aspects that do restrict it. The end result is more flexibility to transform your lifestyle into exactly what you want. So why wait? Learn more about senior living at Holiday Retirement communities here.
by Bidnam Lee
It is a huge responsibility to find the right assisted living facility for your loved one or yourself. It’s one of the most important decisions you will make in your life. This guide will help you discern the differences between communities and the type of care being offered. The decision of “if, when and where to move” is ultimately your choice, so consider what factors are ultimately important to you. TIP #1: OBSERVE THE LEVEL OF CLEANLINESS & FOLLOW YOUR NOSE
Does the community feel fresh and clean? Make sure to look past the furnishings and into corners, baseboards and windows. Ask how often housekeeping is provided in your personal living space. Make sure you get full details on the types of maintenance provided and the estimated response times. Don’t forget to ask about laundry procedures. Ask for specifics on what is available and at what cost.
Odors in the property may indicate a lack of cleanliness or a temporary problem. If you find smells concentrated to one area on your tour this most likely indicates a single, recent incident. Odors throughout the community most likely indicate a bigger problem. Always ask the manager what they think might be causing the problem. TIP #2: VISIT DURING AN ACTIVITY
It’s a good idea to try and schedule your tour in conjunction with any community events. Ask the manager if you can watch the activities or
even participate. Are the activities and events well attended? Does the staff seem to be enjoying the activity as well? Take a look at the community calendar of events. Do they match your or your loved one’s interests? Do the events and activities vary in size and type? Do they include trips and outings away from the community? If it is important to you and your family, don’t forget to inquire about religious services. TIP #3: PAY ATTENTION TO STAFF FRIENDLINESS
The attitude and friendliness of the staff are of the utmost importance. Make sure that you observe several staff members interacting with current residents. Do they listen and make eye contact? Make sure to get a good understanding of the staffing pattern. How many people are actually involved in residents’ care? Make sure you get an introduction to the management team. This will help you understand the goals of the property. It is important that you have confidence in the property’s staff. TIP #4: VISIT THE OUTDOOR AREAS
Everyone wants to be able to enjoy a nice sunny day outdoors. While visiting communities make sure to investigate the outdoor areas that are available to residents. Does the area feel safe and secure? Does the property house outdoor activities in these areas? Does the staff use the same area for their personal breaks? TIP #5: EAT A MEAL AT THE PROPERTY
As with most of us, the dining room experience is very important to seniors. When visiting communities it is important to discuss entree choices and learn about dining hours, options and procedures. Make sure you and your loved one enjoy a meal at the property. Not only is it a great way to sample the cuisine, but it also opens up a great opportunity to meet some of the residents. Discuss what happens if a resident is unable to make it to the dining room for a meal. TIP #6: ASK SECURITY & SAFETY QUESTIONS
Safety and security features are very important for the senior and offer peace of mind for the caregiver. Make sure that bathrooms are accessible and have grab bars in convenient locations. Ask how residents contact staff if they have an emergency in their living area. Find out about other safety features available in living quarters and throughout the community. Make sure you find out about staffing patterns to determine who is on-site at all times to assist residents. Are there registered nurses on site? How do staffing patterns differ at night? How does the community assist or manage residents’ medication needs? Don’t forget to ask specific questions about any other medical needs that must be met for you or your loved one. TIP #7: ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT PERSONAL CARE
As you go through the tour process make sure you ask a lot of questions about personal care. Discuss bathing options and bathing preferences. It’s a great idea to observe the current residents while visiting communities. Are they clean shaven with well-groomed hair and nails? Are the residents dressed appropriately? Make sure to take into consideration what activities they are involved in and the current weather. Does the staff treat residents with dignity, respect and a smile? TIP #8: GET FEEDBACK FROM RESIDENTS & FAMILIES
Ask residents and families, past and present, for their honest opinions about the community. Many communities have a resident council that will be happy to answer any of your questions. A Place for Mom and SeniorAdvisor.com have more than 40,000 reviews and ratings from families who have shared their impressions and rated individual communities. TIP #9: ASK ABOUT MOVE-OUT CRITERIA
Most people do not enjoy moving multiple times and seniors are no different. Ask about specific move-out criteria. Under what circumstances is a resident asked to move out of the community? What type of notice does the resident or caregiver need to give the staff? In many instances a 30-day notice may be required by the property. TIP #10: TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS
As you are touring make sure you think about yourself or your loved one actually living at the community. Do you imagine you or your loved one being comfortable? Do you feel at ease? Are the staff and residents open, inviting and friendly? Always remember to follow your instincts and your heart!
www.aplaceformom.com
Downsizing in Comfort: Making the most of a Smaller Space
Paint is cheap: Use it!
Paint can be the best way to open up a smaller room. By using cooler colors – blues and greens – you can trick your eye into thinking the room is much bigger than its actual size. Darker colors tend to make the room look smaller and more constrained. Whether you choose to paint an accent wall to liven up your living room or paint the ceiling white with lighter walls, adding color to a room not only livens up the area, it also creates the illusion of a larger space with smaller square footage. Downsizing in comfort: Making the most of a smaller space Think vertical
A sizeable amount of wasted space in any room sits between the top of the sofa and the ceiling. You can both utilize unused space in the room and have a place to store sentimental possessions by thinking vertical.[i] Using a large shelf to display family photos and heirlooms or a tall bookcase to house your favorite novels are perfect ways to hold onto possessions important to you without sacrificing precious space. Keep items off the floor
This goes hand in hand with thinking vertical. You can considerably open up a room by choosing to hang items instead of placing them on the floor. A great way to draw the eye upward instead of downward, and creating the illusion of more space, is by hanging a mirror or a picture higher up on the wall. (ii) By saving the floor for only a large carpet or floor mat, the room is more open and stays cleaner. Keep function in mind
When living in a smaller space, putting function first is one of the easiest ways to fully take advantage of your living space. One simple rule to follow for small space organizing: personalize your space to your tastes. If you prefer eating on the couch or in your favorite chair, save space in the kitchen by foregoing a larger table in favor of more functional items. If side tables and large television stands are cluttering your living room, think about how you can use a piece of furniture for more than one function; a television stand can double as a bookcase or cabinet, and a coffee table can hold anything from your magazines to your reading glasses to an extra blanket. Utilize unseen space
Some of the best storage spaces are invisible. Closets with plenty of shelves and closet doors are great places to keep your winter clothes. When your “going-out” outfit does not call for a certain pair of shoes, store them and the rest of your footwear under the bed. Have extra blankets and pillows for when the grandkids want to stay over? Keep them out of sight inside an ottoman with a storage compartment.
Living in a smaller space does not mean you must live uncomfortably. By taking advantage of simple organization tips for small spaces, you can still have the comfort of a larger home without the hassle of spending your time with its maintenance. Holiday Retirement offers numerous resident programs and amenities designed to make our residents feel welcome and at home. Contact Holiday Retirement to learn more about these and other exciting programs, and to find a location near you.
[i] Pandolfi, Keith. “9 Small-Space Solutions.” This Old House. http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/photos/0,,20301933_20665706,00.html.
[ii] Cannell, Michael. “Make the Most of Small Spaces.” Real Simple. http://www.realsimple.com/home-organizing/decorating/decorating-tips-techniques/make-most-small-spaces (accessed April 15, 2015).
This is common. Many parents are quite independent. They want to do things on their own for as long as they are moving around. The problem is that for some people, there comes a time when moving around and doing tasks that were easy before become more difficult. Even so, many seniors do not want the help. They feel like if they give up one thing, they will have to give up something else. While you know that probably isn’t the case, your parent is fearful. Understanding how to help your elderly parents who don’t want help can make this situation much better for you and your mom/dad. Helping Elderly Parents Who Don’t Want Help
Suggest Help
When you are with your parent and you see he/she is struggling, you can offer to help. You may say, “Can I do anything for you?” or “Would you like me to get that pan for you?”
The most important part of asking is to make sure you don’t point out he/she can’t do something. You are merely helping, not doing.
Help before It’s Needed
You don’t have to say anything to help your loved one. You can simply just do it. For example, if you know your parent has a hard time cooking, bring over a meal. Don’t say anything about him/her not being able to cook, just do it as if it was something nice you wanted to do. If you see the kitchen needs a good wipe down, go ahead and do it while you’re talking to him/her. These little tasks you do may not seem like much, but they are helpful and appreciated as long as it doesn’t seem you are doing it because he/she can’t do it.
Back Off When Asked
There will be times when you’ll overstep your boundaries, but don’t worry, your parent will likely tell you quickly. Don’t argue about it, but instead, just take a step back. If you need to, supervise what he/she is doing. This will keep your parent safe because you can always take over if something terrible happens. Just don’t jump too early because you’re nervous something is about to happen.
Understand You May Not Get a Thank You
You may not get a thank you. Helping elderly parents who don’t want help means you’ll be doing something they don’t want to do. Even if they know they can’t do it, it still doesn’t feel good for them. Understand that this has nothing to do with you. It’s just hard for them to accept. Thank and reward yourself as you care for your parent and there may be a time you may hear those two magic words.
Need Some More Help?
If you need some more help with this situation, please book a session with personal consultant Kendall Van Blarcom. He has a patient ear and will help you come up with ways to help your parents even when they don’t want the help.
If you’re a senior citizen who doesn’t want help, but your daughter/son wants to help, you are invited to contact Kendall as well. He can help you work with your daughter/son to preserve the relationship.
Kendall Van Blarcom
www.KvanB.com
What to Consider When Comparing Assisted Living Facilities
So you’ve done your due diligence and researched all the different types of senior living facilities out there. You know which kind of senior living facility is best for you, but you may be feeling torn about which particular facility to choose…so now what? Comparing Assisted Living Facilities
Choosing the facility that is just right for you is essential, so before you make any final decisions, make sure you know what to consider when comparing assisted-living facilities.
Your Essential Checklist
Here are five factors to consider when comparing assisted-living facilities as outlined by Argentum:
Environment:
Do you like the location and overall appearance of the facility? Is it close by so family and friends can stop in for a visit? (Be sure to check visitation policies!)
Does it have that ‘homey’ feeling? We know nothing can quite replace living in your own home, but can you picture yourself there?
Do residents seem comfortable? Are they socializing with each other? If you can, talk to a few residents about their experience.
Is the staff friendly? Did they greet you when you arrived? Do they smile as you pass by? Do they act professionally (both to you and to other staff members)?
Is the facility well-designed? Does it accommodate walkers and wheelchairs? Are there elevators and/or stairways with handrails? Is there plenty of lighting (both artificial and natural)? Is the floor plan easy to follow so you won’t get lost easily?
Cost:
Does the cost seem reasonable? Could Medicare, Medicaid or any other programs help cover the cost? Be sure you know the facility’s refund and transfer policies.
Does the facility complete a residency agreement? This outlines the personal care, services, fees and other move-in/move-out provisions.|
Health Care:
Is assistance with activities of daily living available 24 hours a day? This includes help with mobility, dressing, eating, grooming, bathing, toileting and hygiene.
Is self-administered medication allowed? Are there specific policies regulating the storage of medication?
Does a staff member organize home healthcare visits from a nurse, occupational therapist, physical therapist, etc.?
What is the facility’s procedure should a resident experience a medical emergency? Be sure to ask for details!
Services/Amenities:
What personal care services are available? Ask for a complete list.
Are three meals a day, seven days a week provided? Do menus include a variety of nutritional food? Are special dietary restrictions considered? Are there set mealtimes?
Are housekeeping services provided?
Is transportation to doctor appointments, stores, hairdressers, or any other activity provided?
Social Events:
Are there daily, organized activities? Look for a daily schedule posted around the facility; even check for reading materials! Do residents typically participate in these or other activities taking place outside the facility?
Can family members attend or volunteer at these social events?
Are pets allowed in the facility and who responsible for their care? Some facilities have their own pets.
Some other ideas: check that the facility conducts criminal background checks on all staff members and if they’re trained on elder abuse and neglect. It’s a sad reality that this type of abuse does happen, so make sure you’re putting the care of a loved one into trustworthy hands.
It’s also a good idea to travel to facilities with a family member or friend to get a second opinion, but don’t let their thoughts completely sway yours. After all, you’re the one who will live there, and your comfort at an assisted-living facility should be your and your loved one’s top priority.
Author: Meghan Orner Medical Guardian https://www.facebook.com/MedicalGuardian https://twitter.com/MedicalGuardian https://plus.google.com/+Medicalguardian
Most people prefer to stay in their home or apartment for as long as possible. The best way to make this a reality is to plan ahead of time to make the amenities in your home as safe and accessible as possible. It can be hard to imagine that tasks around the house that were once done with ease can one day pose a challenge. Anticipating the challenge and planning accordingly may allow you to remain in your home for an extended period of time. Often, with some minor modifications, your home can be adapted to help you stay as long as possible even with some loss of mobility.
HOME MODIFICATIONS
Living at home longer may mean renovating a home to make it more accessible. This can include such things as installing ramps to bypass stairs, building a bedroom on the main floor, placing grab bars in the shower, changing the height of kitchen countertops or making a bathroom safer and more accessible. Before you make home modifications, you should evaluate your current and future needs by going through your home room by room and answering a series of questions to highlight where changes might be made. Several checklists are available to help you conduct this review. The National Resource Center on Supportive Housing and Home Modifications is a good place to start. Go to the center’s website at http://www.homemods.org and click on the link to the “Safety Checklist and Assessment Instrument.”
GETTING HELP
Keeping a house running smoothly requires a lot of hard work. If you are no longer able to keep up with the demands, you may need to hire someone to do laundry, buy groceries, run errands, clean the house or perform any necessary repairs. Those who are unable to perform Activities of Daily Living (ADLs), such as getting in and out of bed, walking, bathing, dressing, and eating, can often continue to stay at home with outside help. There are a number of services that can be brought in to assist with ADLs and other personal care. You can hire someone, such as a personal care aide or home health aide, to help you out a few hours a day or around the clock.
Some health care services can be provided at home by trained professionals, such as occupational therapists, social workers or home health nurses. Check with your insurance or health service to see what kind of coverage is available, although you may have to cover some of these costs out of pocket. If very specific conditions are met, Medicare will help pay for all or a portion of home health care.
TRANSPORTATION
Declining health often causes a decline in independence and mobility. Many seniors lose the ability to drive or simply feel uncomfortable behind the wheel at night. Investigate transportation options in your area so you can maintain an active social life, get medical care and shop for necessities. You might find family members willing to take you to the grocery store, friends who will drive you to social events, nearby bus routes, reduced fare taxis or senior transportation services funded by a local not-for-profit. Staying in your home should not mean being cut off from community activities you enjoy. Finding new ways to get around, even after you are no longer driving, may allow you to stay engaged and active.
How the ‘Uber Economy’ May Threaten Assisted Living The so-called ‘Uber economy’ has created controversy about what the future of various industries will look like—the senior living sector included. How the ‘Uber Economy’ May Threaten Assisted Living
Companies such as Uber, Instacart and TaskRabbit now offer alternatives to past ways of offering senior-oriented services, consequently transforming how the older demographic accomplishes everyday tasks, The Washington Post reported.
“I’m all for all these newfangled things that make life easier,” 88-year-old Sally Lindover told the Post. Lindover uses Instacart, which grocery shops for its users, and rents out her apartment’s second bedroom using Airbnb.
“I like to be here when people come in,” Lindover said. “I like to see them, and they see me, and I can give them some information about the neighborhood.”
Over 50% of Airbnb’s hosts are older than 40, and 10% of them are older than 60, the Post reported. Empty-nesters often have a surplus of rooms to rent, as well as “the life experience to know what it means to welcome someone into your home,” according to Anita Roth, Airbnb’s head of policy research.
Meanwhile, 25% of the drivers at Uber, which recently announced a partnership with AARP, are 50 years old or older.
According to the Post, traditional senior-oriented services are considering the possibility that similar tech companies may steal away their future customers.
“I do view it as both a threat and an opportunity,” said Tom Grape, CEO of Benchmark Senior Living. He added that decision not to move to senior living “is already our biggest competitor, and of course we fully expect that technology will allow people to stay at home longer in the future.”
Written by Mary Kate Nelson of SeniorHousingNews.com
The Struggle with Allowing Someone to Care for You
You would never think you would have such a hard time accepting help. All of these years, you’ve probably asked for help or just wished someone would come along who would help you. However, now that you have someone at your beck and call, you hate it. You just want to be left alone, so you can do what you need to do. Struggle with Allowing Someone to Care for You
The problem is that sometimes, you know you can’t do what you want to do. You’ve tried to do everything on your own, but you’re making more and more mistakes. It’s so hard!
While you could turn to your loved one for help, you have this feeling that it’s going to be the beginning of the end of your independence. You don’t want to give that up. It’s too troubling.
So what do you do?
It’s time to come to terms with what is going on in this stage of life.
You don’t have to relinquish everything. You have a lot of independence still inside of you, so you should take advantage of it. That does not mean you shouldn’t ask for help.
When you ask for help, you aren’t asking for someone to do everything for you. What you are asking for is someone to come in and do something you are not able to do right now.
When Help Wants to Do Everything
Some people do have a tendency to take over when they are asked for help. Instead of asking what you need, the person just steps in and does everything. This can be quite frustrating!
How you can control this is by asking for help with something specifically. For example, you can say, “Can you please place this big pot of water on the stove for me?” That’s it. You aren’t asking for that person to cook for you, or do anything else. You’re just asking to have the pot moved.
Now, if that person takes it upon him/herself to do more, you can then interject and say, “No, no, it’s okay I can do the rest.” You don’t have to say it in a way that will hurt the person’s feelings. You can just state a fact.
If this doesn’t seem like something you can say, you can always distract the person with something else you need help with such as, “Can you instead set the table for me?” or “Can you run to store for some more butter?” By giving the person a task, you end up freeing yourself from the unsolicited help, and you end up getting even more out of the deal – something you actually do need help with at the time.
Why People Don’t Get It
People have a hard time believing you still have the mental and physical capacity to do a lot of things yourself. They see the changes in you from aging, and they take what they’ve read and seen in society and place them on you. It’s not right, but it really does come from a good place.
Try these suggestions. If they don’t work, or you feel as though you still can’t ask for help at all, you may want to consider asking for help from a personal consultant like Kendall Van Blarcom. He can help you figure out what you can do about this situation, so you can start to feel better about it all.
Kendall Van Blarcom
www.kvanb.com