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How is Sign Language Helping People with Dementia?
Healthy Living

6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia

by Silverado
written by Silverado

In spending time with loved ones with dementia, you may find yourself wanting to explore new ways to document or make the most of your time spent together. Cherishing special moments are essential to managing and balancing some of the inevitable disorientation your loved one may be living with. We encourage our friends, family, staff and residents at Silverado with these ways to make individual moments matter. 6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia

1. Have a lunch date

Sometimes the best way to spend time with our loved one is for a meal to catch up. Dinner plans may feel like an end-of-day routine obligation after a long day, and lunchtime usually guarantees good weather, and the rendezvous can be a midday pick-me-up. 6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia

2. Listen to music

Music is not only therapeutic but also takes us on an emotional journey. A song can bring back nostalgia, or start an impromptu dance party — both excellent ways to release inhibitions.

3. Start a memory jar

Simply start writing favorite memories or notes on special stationery and start collecting them in a special box or jar. It’s good practice to write a new one every day, and read an old memory every day, bringing you a new sense of appreciating fleeting moments and new ones. 6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia

4. Document using Instagram

With social media in most of our hands today, it’s only appropriate to create an online picture diary on Instagram. It’s the best way to share our greatest news, favorite #TBT’s or day-to-day activities with the online community of friends and family around the world. Use hashtag #SilveradoStory to share with our Silverado family.

5. Have a creative outlet

Creative self-expression such as painting or writing is beneficial for improving motor skills and cognitive thinking. They can also potentially turn into a new hobby or passion. Encourage your loved one to be involved with hands-on activities, like journaling to unleash an inner storyteller, or learning a new instrument to interact with other fellow beginners.

6. Send a postcard

Getting snail mail is a rare yet still treasured feeling. You can send postcards to loved ones, or even send postcards to yourselves from each city you visit for an instant scrapbook or memento from your trip.
6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia 6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia 6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia

6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia

6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia

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Aging

5 Ways to Slow Down Cognitive Decline

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

For many years, researchers have been studying the phenomenon of “use it or lose it.” The phrase refers to the aging process in that if you don’t use your mind, it will start to become more difficult to use it. Some studies have found that this may not be the case, and it’s more accurate to say that it just takes longer for older people to learn new information. It could also be that when you use your mind more, it’s easier to learn than if you did not. Whether “use it or lose it” is correct or not, no one can deny the benefits of exercising the mind – learning new information and improved mental health. 5 Ways to Slow Down Cognitive Decline

What You Can Do

With just a few minutes each day, you can slow down cognitive decline as you age. Consider adding these activities into your days. 5 Ways to Slow Down Cognitive Decline

Read

Reading the newspaper, online articles, or books are all good ways to keep your mind active. Be sure to use good reading glasses if you have trouble seeing, so you don’t experience headaches. If you’re unable to read for long, just do it for five minutes or so each time.

Volunteer

One reason older individuals suffer from cognitive decline is because they’ve retired, so their minds aren’t challenged as much. Volunteering can replace some of the cognitive benefits you received from your job. You don’t have to volunteer full-time, but there’s scientific evidence that 15 or more hours a week is most effective.

Brain Games

Puzzles and other brain games such as what Luminosity offers can help slow down cognitive decline. The reasoning is the same as when you were working full time – when you challenge your brain, it causes new neuron connections, which helps your mind stay just as sharp as it was when you were employed.

Exercise

Exercise isn’t only good for your body, but for your mind as well. Your brain helps you move your body because it tells your joints what to do to move. This is why exercising helps. It’s best to try new exercises each day, so it makes your mind work harder to learn the new maneuvers.

Visit the Doctor

Cognitive decline is a side effect of medical conditions such as high blood pressure and high cholesterol. It’s important to be assessed for these conditions and get treated for them, so your mind doesn’t become affected by them. 5 Ways to Slow Down Cognitive Decline
It can be difficult to feel motivated to exercise your mind and body, but it’s vitally important as you age. If you need help, consider contacting Kendall Van Blarcom – personal consultant.
A personal consultant can help you slow down the cognitive effects of aging by finding out why you’re not motivated to incorporated some of these tips into your days. He can also coach you along to help you achieve your goals when it comes to keeping your mind active and healthy. Call Kendall today to learn more about personal consulting and how it can help you.

5 Ways to Slow Down Cognitive Decline

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Organizing Care for an Aging Loved One
Caregiving

Putting Your Older Parent in a Home

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

The time has come. You made the decision to put your older parent in a nursing home or assisted living facility. You didn’t necessarily want to do it, but you know deep down inside it’s best. Why do you feel so guilty and sad about it, though? How to Deal with Putting Your Older Parent in a Home
The answer lies in how you’re dealing with the decision of putting your older parent in a home. Even though it may be the best decision for your mom or dad, it’s what you’re thinking and believing about yourself that matters. How to Deal with Putting Your Older Parent in a Home

Not Good Enough

Many people who decide to put their older parent in a home feel as though they are just not good enough to care for their mom or dad adequately. They usually don’t have the time or feel they don’t have the skills.
Just because you believe you aren’t good enough doesn’t mean that you’re not. Actually, you probably are giving your mom and dad just the right amount and quality of care needed. You may be too hard on yourself.

Lazy

You may feel as though you are lazy. While you want to care for your older parent, a part of you really doesn’t want the work that comes along with it.
There’s nothing wrong with this because it is a lot of work. Caregiving is demanding – phsysically, emotionally, and mentally.
You are NOT lazy just because you have decided you don’t want to devote all of your spare time to taking care of your parent. You are choosing to protect the relationship you have with your parent, by not ruining it with resentment when you feel as though you’ve had enough after a long day of caregiving.

Selfish

You may feel as though you are selfish. Taking care of your older parent may not fall into your schedule as nicely as you would like it to, so you feel guilty about not doing it. You don’t have to feel this way, and you are NOT selfish.
You are thinking of your older parent when you decide to put him or her in a home. You are trying to provide your mom or dad with a good place for them to live where they will have everything they need. If you were selfish, you would ONLY think of yourself, and wouldn’t care where they lived or how they cared for themselves.
Pat yourself on the back. You’re stepping up and caring for your older parents.

Beliefs

Some people have a belief they MUST care for their aging parents. They believe it makes them a bad person if they don’t do it. This is untrue.
You are not obligated to care for your parents. Sure, it’s a nice thing to do, but finding a safe, healthy home for your parent is also nice.
Not all beliefs people have are warranted. You made up that belief because you felt as though that’s what you should do – it’s not what you need to do. If you can remember that, a lot of the pressure you’re putting on yourself will be relieved.
Are you still feeling bad about putting your older parents in a home? I understand how hard it is for you. That’s why I work as a personal consultant. I help people just like you deal with situations such as this, so they feel better about themselves and their situation in life. Book a session with me now. We can tackle the feelings and thoughts you’re having, so you can feel good about yourself again.
How to Deal with Putting Your Older Parent in a Home How to Deal with Putting Your Older Parent in a Home How to Deal with Putting Your Older Parent in a Home How to Deal with Putting Your Older Parent in a Home

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Caregiving

Making The Most of Visits With Aging Parents

by Kathy Macaraeg
written by Kathy Macaraeg

Do These Simple Things to Ensure Your Aging Parents are Safe in their Home

Whether you visit your aging parents weekly or a few times a year, there are certain safety issues you should walk for during your visits. Many times, during visits with family, we spend the entire visit in their living room and don’t see some of the safety hazards in the rest of their home. Making The Most of Visits With Aging Parents
While your aging parent may seem safe in his or her home, their mobility or balance can change quickly. Staying on top of their home safety is critical to helping them age in place for as long as possible. Here are some ways to maximize your visits with you aging parents so that you get quality time but also stay on top of their ability to safely live independently. Making The Most of Visits With Aging Parents

Leave the House

This may sound like an odd suggestion, but I worked with many families who visited their aging parent regularly and had no idea that their parent had a hard time getting out of the house. Whether your aging parent has front steps that don’t have a railing or use a walker that can’t be maneuvered down the steps, there are many hazards that make it difficult for a person with mobility challenges to safely exit their home.
Even if your parent is homebound, being able to exit the home is critical to their safety. What if there is a fire? What if they forget about their limitation and try to go out for a walk or get the mail. Are they able to exit and enter the house from all exits? You never know what situation could arise, so plan ahead to keep your aging parent safe.
While you are checking their ability to safely enter and exit their home, you should also take the opportunity to evaluate your parent’s driving. Perhaps you ask them to drive you to the grocery store or bakery for a treat. Riding in the car with them will give you a better perspective of their driving ability.

Cook Together

You won’t just get to learn your mother’s special pasta sauce recipe, you’ll also be able to see if she is safely able to maneuver her kitchen. Does she have the heavy pots on a high shelf? Help her find a new, easier location to store them. Are the knobs on the stove difficult to turn on/off due to arthritis? Look into new knobs or a hack to help make it easier to use.
While you’re in the kitchen, check the refrigerator for old or expired food and the food supply, in general. Is the refrigerator bare? Why? Does your parent have a hard time getting out to shop or is he/she becoming forgetful about stocking necessities. I once worked with a woman who had dementia who bought soda every time we went to the store, but she never actually drank soda. She had six packs stacked in her pantry. Do you see any oddities that were never an issue before?
Do a little digging to find out why. It may be that your parent struggles with carrying groceries into the house, so isn’t able to buy much. You may want to consider setting up online grocery delivery, or at minimum, delivery of heavier pantry items.

Allow Them to Host You

Sometimes, when we see our parents looking more frail, our instinct is to jump in and do everything. It is a wonderful gesture, but the problem is, you can’t be sure of their capabilities if you don’t watch them operate independently in their own home. Let your parent set the table, turn off the stove, clear the table (with your help of course!).
Watch to see if they are struggling with any tasks. You may be able to come up with solutions together on how to simplify tasks or you may need to consider bringing help into their home.

Get One Step Ahead

While you’re there, look for safety risks or fall risks and work with your parent to address them. You can also take a look at the following household tasks that they may need help with:

  1. Are there any burned out light bulbs? Change them while you are visiting so that your parent won’t attempt to do it on his/her own.
  2. Is the season changing? If so, ask your parent if they have blankets or clothing that is stored up high that they may need help bringing down.
  3. Are tall bookshelves strapped to the wall? You may want to consider using earthquake furniture straps so that they are secure. If your parent trips and grabs a bookshelf to stop their fall, you want to be sure they are nicely secured to the wall and don’t come down on top of them.
  4. If they are reaching for books or items on high shelves, make sure they have a sturdy step ladder with a handrail – and that they actually use it!

What other things can you think of to make a pre-emptive “strike” to ensure your parent is making dangerous decisions?
Making The Most of Visits With Aging Parents Making The Most of Visits With Aging Parents Making The Most of Visits With Aging Parents

Making The Most of Visits With Aging Parents

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You Need a Caregiving Team for Everyone’s Well-being
Caregiving

You Need a Caregiving Team for Everyone’s Well-being

by Kathy Macaraeg
written by Kathy Macaraeg

Stepping in as a caregiver for a loved one is noble. It is selfless and kind and compassionate. Caregiving is also incredibly isolating. Caregivers get so stuck in the day-to-day care that they struggle to keep it all together and rarely have time to find support and reach out. You Need a Caregiving Team for Everyone’s Well-being
While it is difficult to figure out what caregiving support you need and reach out to family and friends for help, it is critical to your mental and physical health. Don’t try to carry the whole burden of caregiving yourself. You need to speak out and ask for help. Sometimes, people don’t know what help to offer, so they don’t jump in. If you are clear with your needs, it can be easier for others to help.
In order to build a support network, you will need to know what activities you can get help with and who can share the load. Make a list of the activities you do in a day and week and what can be done by someone other than yourself. It may feel like you are the only person who can provide care, but there are many things someone else can do that won’t alter your loved one’s care. You don’t need to be the one to grocery shop or drive them to the senior center. You Need a Caregiving Team for Everyone’s Well-being
Here are some areas where you can bring in support:

  • Look into adult day care centers, respite care centers and other community services that could give you a break from your caregiving duties. If these options are too expensive, you can consider a trade with a fellow caregiver or enlist a friend or family member.
  • Ask a friend or neighbor for help with shopping or running errands. Perhaps they can pick up items for you while they are on their own errands. If you don’t ask, they won’t know you need them.
  • Join a support group where you can discuss ideas and frustrations with other caregivers. You may meet someone to do care trades with, or just have the opportunity to speak with people who understand exactly what you are going through. If you can’t go in person, there are online support groups you can join.
  • Seek out community resources that might give you a break.
  • Have a back-up person and plan in the event that you are sick or away. Once you have a back-up person, take a little time for yourself to make sure your system works, and to get much-needed respite. Even if you just stay one night in a local hotel, it will do you a world of good.
  • Set up a transportation system. You don’t need to be your caree’s personal taxi service. There are a number of options from friends and family to community options and private services like Taxis, Uber, Lift and local services. Figure out the types of transportation your parent needs and who can provide rides. For example, many senior centers have a free shuttle for residents. There are also city transportation services for things like trips to the grocery store or bank. If you set up a network of options, you will take a huge load off your plate.
  • Are there younger family members who you can include in the caregiving role? They can help with laundry or entertaining their grandparent. I knew a family who had their high school age daughter stay with grandma during school breaks. They cooked together, did puzzles and enjoyed each other’s company. It was wonderful for both of them.

Get creative. Think of what gets done in the day and how you can delegate some of the tasks or find shortcuts.

You Need a Caregiving Team for Everyone’s Well-being

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Tips for those grieving and those who wish to help
Aging

When Incapacity Happens in Your Family

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

What does Dad want? Have you asked? How about Mom? Does anyone know what her wishes are? Has anyone asked her? And is anyone really listening to what they are saying? When Incapacity Happens in Your Family

Life can turn on a dime. Incapacity happens. Wouldn’t it be better to take some time now to get prepared? There is no time like the present to ask questions and get some answers. It’s never too late until it really is too late!
Engaging in conversations about what to do in the event of incapacity or death and formulating a plan ahead of any crisis situation is a winning combination. Talking about the “what if’s” now will help diffuse and negate the possibility of a terrible outcome during a difficult situation. When Incapacity Happens in Your Family
In case you have been busy enjoying the summer and not taken time to be up with the news, there’s a movement afoot. It will change the current absence of meaningful and necessary conversations. End-of-life conversations will soon become an integral part of exchanges between doctors, patients, caregivers and family members when it matters most. Why the changing tide? Medicare will reimburse physicians for their time spent having these important discussions with their patients and family members. One’s end-of-life wishes will soon become an integral part of the conversation when you visit your doctor for an annual check up or if you end up in a hospital in a crisis situation.
There will be no more excuses for ignoring the pleas from patients and families to be “heard” when end-of-life decisions are first and foremost on their minds. We’ve all heard stories about family conflicts and family tragedies – so isn’t it better to have these conversations well in advance of a crisis?
The ending of Bobby Kristina Brown’s life exemplifies a worse case scenario – the losing combination of a lack of prior conversations, the lack of any clear planning, the added complications of a blended family, and no person “in charge” of handling the life changing event.
Time is often of the essence. Asking Mom and Dad to communicate their wishes is a priceless gift to you. Telling them your wishes is your gift to them too! Bobby Kristina Brown’s situation reminds us that these kinds of events can and do happen at any age.
Think about it. Talk to your parents, your spouse, your physician, and your adult children and make some of these difficult decisions now. Knowing your loved ones wishes and expressing you own will help alleviate the fear and the chaos of “what to do” when incapacity or death happens.

When Incapacity Happens in Your Family

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Before Moving a Parent into Your Home
Caregiving

Before Moving a Parent into Your Home

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

6 Factors to Consider First

The decision to move your older parents into your home is a big one to make. Your home is your refuge from it all. Caregiving is hard, and having it so close to you can make it harder. Does that mean you shouldn’t move your parents into your home? No, not necessarily. Many people decide to have their parents stay with them and it ends up being the best decision they could have made. Just take time to consider the following before you start packing up and moving your parents into your home. Before Moving a Parent into Your Home

Do you two get along well enough? Before Moving a Parent into Your Home

Everyone argues, but you have to decide if you get along well enough to keep the peace in your home. It might be good to try it out for a trial run by going away on vacation together or having your parents stay with you for a week or so before you make the final decision.

Is your home safe for someone with disabilities?

If your parents have any disabilities, is your home safe? You may need some handles in the shower, a ramp to get into your home, or enough room for them to move about your house. You may need to consider the stairs in your home and the location of their bedroom.

What type of care do your parents need?

If your parents need around the clock supervision, another setting may be better. Care in your home may just include having meals prepared, help with getting dressed, and getting to places. Those who need attention medically and physically often need nurse supervision.

What are your expectations?

If you have conditions or expectations of them living in your house, you may want to reconsider. Problems often arise when people expect something and then don’t get it when the time comes. It’s best to go in it just wanting to help your parents with nothing in return. If you can do that, having your parents move in with you might be good for you.

Will you be taking care of all expenses?

Taking care of someone is hard work and you have to spend money on it. If your parents will compensate you, it will probably feel better and prevent resentment. However, if they are not willing or do not have the money, be aware that you may start to feel taken advantage of as you get into the thick of caregiving. Before Moving a Parent into Your Home

How do other family members feel about it?

Hold a family meeting to determine how everyone else feels about it. Everyone in the home will be affected by it, so it’s good to consider their thoughts and feelings.
You may want to check with siblings and other family members who want to lend a hand in caregiving. You may need to discuss a plan on how to best care for your parents if they stay in your home.
Making the decision to move your parents into your home is one that takes time and serious thought. If you need help with making the decision, consider personal consulting services by Kendall Van Blarcom. He can help you figure things out and come to a conclusion that will make you and the people around you happy.

Before Moving a Parent into Your Home

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Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with Parents
Aging

Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with Parents

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

Whether you plan ahead or you’re thrown into a situation due to a sudden health crisis, end-of-life conversations are never easy. Couple that with trying to initiate these conversations with your aging parents. End-of-Life talks can be excruciatingly delicate and sometimes difficult. One must simultaneously tread lightly, yet boldly. Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with Parents

Here are some basic guidelines to help prepare for these very important and personal discussions. Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with Parents

Start now Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with Parents

If you think it’s difficult to find the time today, it could be much harder. Imagine what it will be like trying to discuss end-of-life matters with your mom when she is gravely ill, incapacitated, or worse. Imagine what would happen if she were no longer here to have these conversations. In other words, don’t wait. Your parents are likely the healthiest they will be today.

Pick a comfortable spot, both mentally and physically

Do not bring your mother (or father) to the local Applebee’s to have this type of conversation. She does not want to discuss her personal matters while enjoying a meal in a restaurant. We suggest initiating this talk at your parents’ home, where they are most comfortable and it’s private.

Do your homework Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with Parents

Before initiating this meeting, prepare a list of questions to help your parent. We suggest referring to one of the many checklists in The LastingMatters Organizer. You may think of the basics (ie. whether they prefer a traditional graveyard burial or they wish to be cremated). However, you may be overlooking dozens of other considerations that you haven’t thought about.

Be straight and be clear

Ease into the conversations by first letting your parent(s) know that you honestly don’t want to broach end-of-life subjects. However, it is best for everyone involved to be prepared in advance for any kind of future life-changing event – incapacity, dementia or death. Remind them that a feeling of accomplishment comes from the knowledge that their affairs are in order. With their wishes articulated, affirm that their intentions will be honored. Help your parent(s) understand that these conversations are tough for all involved, but these conversations are also the right thing to do. Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with Parents

Give yourself, and your parents, a break

When discussing end-of-life matters with a loved one, often the biggest concern is how to make your parent(s) most comfortable in tackling these important decisions. This is not going to be a one time conversation and will take time for your parents to consider and organize their wishes. Take breaks from these discussions, but be sure to revisit topics. Continue to gather the information that will be needed, and wanted, when something happens. Easier said than done, right?

This is by no means an all-inclusive list, but it will help you ignite a conversation.

Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with ParentsWhile you, and/or your parents, may have your own checklists, referring to The LastingMatters Organizer as a comprehensive tool and resource will make the task and the conversations easier.

If for any reason your parents choose not to engage in these conversations with you, you can simply ask them to quietly fill out the Organizer. The information they can provide you will be a gift to you in the future – when it matters most.

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Resistant Parents Moving to a Senior Living Community
Housing Tips

Helping Parents Resisting A Move to Senior Living

by Jeff Dailey
written by Jeff Dailey

Helping Parents Resisting A Move to Senior Living

Three dos: Helping Parents Resisting A Move to Senior Living

  1. Resistant Parents Moving to a Senior Living CommunityUnderstand their perspective. Moving can be frightening. Remember when you first moved away to college or a new city? For aging parents, moving to a senior living community is a big change and an even bigger step out of their comfort zone. By empathizing with their situation, you are better able to approach the experience from their perspective. Moving to a Senior Living Community and Dealing Resistant Parents
  2. Emphasize your aging loved ones’ health. Make it readily known that the well being of your aging parent is your top priority. If you are concerned about his or her health, eating habits, or social interactions, reiterate your intentions and focus on the positive benefits a move to a senior living community can have on his or her quality of life.
  3. Find a place that fits. Research. Research. Research. One of the most important aspects of helping an aging parent move from his or her current home to a retirement community is making the move appealing. Maybe your parent is looking for a place with plenty of activities and events or perhaps he or she will not consider moving to a community without a beautiful garden and plenty of walking space. Consider these important factors for your parent when researching senior living options. After researching and identifying a senior living community your parent is interested in, plan a visit and ask as many questions during the visit and tour as it takes for your parent to feel comfortable.

Three don’ts:

  1. Be negative. Your parent will be less than enthused about a potential move to a senior living community if your focus is on the negative reasons for the move. Emphasize this is an opportunity to make new friends, instead of focusing on how the community may be in a different neighborhood than his or her current home. Remind your aging parent or loved one that he or she will have chef-prepared meals, instead of criticizing his or her current eating habits. Focusing on the positive aspects of a retirement community move is a great way to reframe the conversation.
  2. Make quick decisions. It is important to start the conversation about moving to a senior living community early. A gradual adjustment to a new reality is always better than a rushed decision. Give your aging loved one plenty of time to acclimate him or herself to the possibility of moving to a new home. While the process may take longer, you will find the experience much more enjoyable for your aging loved one.
  3. Go unsupported. Helping your aging parent move to a senior living community is a team effort. Whether you enlist the help of your siblings, extended family members, or friends, display a united front to let your aging parent know everyone he or she cares about also cares about him or her. Have any of your aging parent’s friends recently moved to a senior living community? Use their experience to display senior living in a positive light with a personal touch.

If your aging loved one is not immediately open to a senior living community move, it does not mean he or she will never embrace the idea, it just may take a little bit more time to assuage concerns. Above all, you want your aging loved one to know you are acting with his or her best health and interests in mind.

Author Brian Fawkes
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