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Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents
Aging

Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents

by Kathy Macaraeg
written by Kathy Macaraeg

Ideally, you want to ask all of these questions at once so that if your parents don’t have any of the documents, you can set an appointment with a family lawyer to take care of everything at once.
Are There Areas in Your Life Where You Need Help?
You should ask your aging parent this question frequently. Circumstances change. While they may not need assistance with anything today, that could change quickly tomorrow. If you are at a loss for what types of questions to ask, here are some suggestions:

  • Are you having trouble safely getting around the house?
  • Have you fallen or lost your balance recently?
  • Are you eating well? Do you need help getting healthy food?
  • Are you still comfortable driving?
  • Do you need me to bring you anything?
  • Is everything working properly?

You would be surprised by how many of my clients quietly struggled with the above issues because they didn’t want to bother their children or alert their children to their inability to live independently. In addition to asking these questions, you should be checking for signs of their abilities. Some signs include:

  • Frequent falls or bruising
  • Weight loss or trouble sleeping
  • An empty refrigerator or pantry or no “fresh” foods
  • They are not grooming in the same way or as frequently
  • Their mail or paperwork is piling up
  • They are forgetting appointments or important dates
  • They keep phone calls or visits short (so that you don’t notice any issues)

Do You Have an Advanced Medical Directive?
An advanced medical directive is a legal document in which a person specifies what actions should be taken for their health if they are no longer able to make decision for themselves because of illness or incapacity.
If they do, discuss what is on their advanced medical directive so that if an issue suddenly arises, you won’t have to waste time hunting for the documentation. If they don’t set up an appointment with a family law practitioner.
Do You Have a Healthcare Proxy or Durable Power of Attorney?
A healthcare proxy is a document with which a patient appoints an agent to legally make healthcare decisions on behalf of the patient, when he or she is incapable of making and executing decisions stipulated in the proxy.
Does Your Doctor Have Signed Consent Forms For Who Can Speak to Him/Her?
If you or a sibling want the opportunity to speak to your parent’s medical provider outside of attending their appointment, you need to be sure their doctor has a signed consent for that enables you to do so. Medical offices may have their own forms or they may be less formal and just need your parent to call and clear you. Check with your parent and their medical provider.
Do You Have a Financial Power of Attorney?
A Financial Power of Attorney authorizes someone to act on your behalf in financial matters. This is a difficult topic to bring up as your aging parent may be concerned that he or she will lose control of their finances. You also need to be cautious about who is given this role as there is a risk that in the wrong hands, their money can be mismanaged or worse.
On the other hand, if your aging parent is struggling to stay on top of his or her bills or has reduced cognitive function that makes it impossible to make financial decisions, it is critical that someone steps in to help with finances. Of note, it is important that your aging parent make this decision while he or she has the cognitive ability to do so, which is why you want to have the discussion early.
At What Point Is Aging in Place No Longer Feasible for You?
Everyone wants to age in place. There are very few people who want to leave their family home to move into a communal living environment. Unfortunately, it isn’t possible for everyone to age in place.
Take the time to discuss with your aging parent at what point – if there is a point – they would consider assisted living. If they are completely against moving into assisted living, what are their preferences and is it in their financial control. Would your aging parent prefer moving in with family? Is that even an option? Would their preference be round-the-clock caregiving services?
There may become a point where it truly isn’t an option to age in place. They may not be ambulatory. They may be ill. They may need round the clock care which is out of the budget. If they do need to move into a facility, what type of environment is most preferable?
——
None of these conversations are pleasant, yet they are all important to ensuring your parent’s end of life care is what he or she would want. Jumping into caregiving as a result of illness or an injury is stressful.
If at all possible, you want to have caregiving discussions with your aging parents early and often. You never know when circumstances will change and you don’t want to have conflict with your aging parent over his or her care, or with a sibling or family member.
Lastly, use the resources of Senior.com. They specialize in helping people age in their home longer by providing fall prevention products like lift chairs, walkers or rollators, canes and Stander products.

Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents

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Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In
Aging

Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In

by Richard Bitner
written by Richard Bitner

In surveys, the overwhelming majority of seniors express a preference for aging in place. But as we grow older, physical and/or cognitive decline can make aging in place difficult. Support from family caregivers and professional elder care services can reduce those difficulties. But if decline becomes severe, you might need to consider alternatives, like having your parent come live with you. Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In
Having a parent move in with your family can make it easier to tend to their elder care needs and improve their overall quality of life. But it can also lead to issues with personal boundaries. In caregiving relationships, boundaries are key to quality care and healthy family dynamics, so it’s important that firm boundaries are set and respected. Here are five tips on how to make this happen.

1. Create an Elder Care Routine

Caring for an elderly loved one can wreak havoc on your schedule. That’s true when your mom or dad lives separate from you and your family, but it’s an even bigger issue when you’re living in the same space. Without a regular routine in place, caregiving responsibilities can start to dominate your life. If you’re always “on call” for when your loved one needs assistance, or if you’re performing a bunch of small jobs throughout the day, it can start to feel like you never have time to yourself.
To avoid this, develop an elder care routine that allows you to set aside time for yourself. Set firm boundaries regarding your “off hours” and when it’s appropriate for your loved one to ask for assistance outside of their elder care routine.

2. Plan for Personal Space

When your mom or dad moves home for elder care, boundaries around personal space can become as much of an issue as boundaries around personal time. A new family member will dramatically alter the way your home functions. If you haven’t planned for this change, it could create points of friction between you and your loved one and between your loved one and other members of your family.
If you have the square footage to do so, make sure that your loved one not only has their own bedroom, but also their own living space. Usually, this means a comfortable chair, their own TV, and any other items that they enjoy using on a regular basis. This way, you can steer clear of family disputes or resentments over use of common space.

3. Communicate Clearly

Boundaries can’t be respected if they aren’t clearly stated in the first place. That’s something many family elder care providers learn the hard way. Nobody wants to lay down the law with a parent, especially when mom or dad is suffering from poor health. As a result, many family caregivers stay silent — even as they notice personal boundaries erode and collapse.
While keeping quiet can help you avoid short-term awkwardness and discomfort, it will do you no favors in the long run. Failure to set and clearly communicate boundaries will quickly lead to resentment and can result in family caregivers overextending themselves. Relationships break down, caregivers deteriorate, and the quality of elder care suffers.

4. Respect Your Own Boundaries

Most family caregivers worry about whether or not their loved one will respect their personal boundaries around elder care. But when it comes to respecting boundaries, there’s someone else you need to worry about: yourself.
Family elder care providers are notoriously bad at respecting their own self-stated boundaries. No matter how overwhelmed they become, they feel compelled to sacrifice their personal time and privacy at a moment’s notice.
The result, more often than not, is a downward spiral. Family elder care providers develop severe caregiver stress. Their personal well-being suffers, as does the quality of care they provide. Low-quality care causes their loved one’s well-being to suffer, exacerbating their need for elder care, and the cycle continues.

5. Find Elder Care Support

Far too many family caregivers are their loved one’s only source of elder care. In these cases, it’s almost impossible to maintain personal boundaries, especially as your loved one’s care needs increase. To prevent this, try to get other members of your family involved with caregiving. If elder care responsibilities start to encroach on your personal time and privacy, you’ll have other caregivers who can help shoulder the burden of care.
If family members are unavailable — or unwilling — to lend a helping hand, professional elder care services may be a better option. Many elder care agencies provide respite care on a part-time basis, which allows family caregivers to maintain healthy lives away from care. By hiring an elder care agency, you can ensure scheduled private time on a daily or weekly basis: one of the best ways to ensure your boundaries are respected.
If caregiving is making it hard to maintain personal boundaries and privacy? Your local Visiting Angels® can help. Call 800-365-4189 today or find your local Visiting Angels office to learn more about elder care services in your area.
Finding a Home for Grandma and Grandpa

Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In

Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In Elder Care & Personal Boundaries: 5 Tips for When Parents Move In
 
 

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The Complicated Relationship Between Alcohol & Dementia Care
Caregiving

Keeping Elderly Couples Together with Home Care

by Richard Bitner
written by Richard Bitner

The decision to move your mom or dad into a care facility is never easy. But this decision gets especially tough when it forces your parents to live apart from one another. This situation is more common than many people realize. Spouses rarely age at the same rate, and many elderly couples are forced apart when one of them requires a high level of care due to physical or cognitive decline. Keeping Elderly Couples Together with Home Care
Separating elderly couples can have terrible consequences. The loss of a long-term spouse is linked with mental health concerns, increased risk of poor physical health, and a lower average lifespan. While separation is sometimes impossible to stop, it is almost always better to keep elderly couples together when possible.
That’s where home care services come into play. Home care services allow many elderly couples to age in place together, even when one spouse develops serious physical or cognitive health concerns. Certain home care providers can even keep elderly couples together when both spouses require different types of care services.
But keeping elderly couples together with home care services isn’t always simple or easy. Sometimes, it requires detailed planning in advance. It could also mean being more selective when choosing a care agency for your parents. Additionally, you may need to start home care services early in order to keep mom and dad together for as long as possible.
While that can be tricky, it’s not impossible. So, if you’re concerned about how you’ll help your parents age in place together, here are some of the things you’ll need to think about.

Plan Ahead and Start Home Care Early

The earlier you begin planning for home care, the easier it will be to keep your parents together and allow them to age in place. Many families avoid discussing care until the last minute, leaving them with few options for care and even less time to choose. By planning for care in advance, you can get ahead of worst-case scenarios and extend the time your parents spend in one another’s company.
One of the smartest steps you can take is to get started with home care early. Most people assume that caregivers help seniors age in place only by helping out after physical or cognitive decline has taken place. This isn’t true. In fact, caregivers can help stave off decline before it occurs. By providing in-home assistance, home care can delay the difficulties that lead seniors to nursing care in the first place.
Many people worry about the costs of professional home care. But care costs are substantially lower early on. Instead of waiting for your mom or dad to become overwhelmed caring for their spouse, you can hire a caregiver for a few hours a week. The caregiver can handle the toughest aspects of care, while your other parent can perform the care tasks that are easier to handle. This way, you keep care costs low, maintain quality of life for one parent, and prevent your other parent from becoming overwhelmed.
Even if you don’t get started with home care immediately, planning ahead offers other benefits. You’ll be able to plan ahead financially, giving you a better sense of what will be best and most realistic. You’ll also get the chance to research local home care providers, so that you have a better idea of your parents’ options for care.

Home Care for Elderly Couples

Another reason home care services are popular with elderly couples is flexibility and customization. Nursing homes and assisted living facilities typically focus on a certain level of care, or offer a limited number of specialty services. If both of your parents require senior care, but each parent has unique care concerns, they may struggle to find a care facility that can meet both of their needs.
On the other hand, many home care agencies are experienced in providing care for couples — even if spouses have different care needs. Many agencies offer a range of specialty care services, with flexible scheduling and service plans. So, if one of your parents requires personal care due to limited mobility, and the other needs home dementia care for Alzheimer’s, a high-quality home care agency can accommodate both parents’ care needs.
Similarly, a caregiver who you originally hired to care for one parent could eventually care for both your mom and your dad. While many elderly adults are hesitant to request home care services, it is easier for them to get started with care when a professional caregiver is already in their home. An experienced caregiver can also spot signs of decline. So even if your mom or dad believes themselves to be in good health, you’ll have someone there to let you know when they need help.
Wondering where you’ll find high-quality home care services suitable for your mom and dad? We suggest starting your search with your local Visiting Angels. Our home care providers frequently work with couples, helping families keep mom and dad together in the home they love. Call 800-365-4189 today or contact your local Visiting Angels office to learn more.

Keeping Elderly Couples Together with Home Care

Keeping Elderly Couples Together with Home Care Keeping Elderly Couples Together with Home Care Keeping Elderly Couples Together with Home Care Keeping Elderly Couples Together with Home Care Keeping Elderly Couples Together with Home Care Keeping Elderly Couples Together with Home Care

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Power & Limitations of Power of Attorney Documents
Money Tips

Power & Limitations of Power of Attorney Documents

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

Estate planning structures current and projected assets for future allocation and disposal. It eliminates the uncertainties over probate and maximizes the value of a families’ or individual’s estate. Having one helps reduce taxes and other expenses. Power & Limitations of Power of Attorney Documents
The estate covers all the things a person owns – a car, home, another real estate, checking and savings accounts, investments, life insurance, furniture, personal possessions, even pets.
Estate planning includes a will, trusts, beneficiary names, powers of appointment, a person writing the will selects a person (agent) to distribute the property under the will. An estate plan also includes several components: Will, Medical Power of Attorney, Financial Power of Attorney, and Advanced Healthcare Directives.
The POA documents allow an individual to decide in advance whom they trust and want to act on their behalf if they become incapable of making decisions. The selected person to act on behalf of the individual is the agent. Next, a person must distinguish between a medical and financial POA.
A medical POA is a legal form and called a health care directive or health care proxy that oversees your wishes for health care. It gives a trustworthy friend or family member (the agent) the ability to make decisions about the care the individual receives if one becomes incapacitated.
A financial POA is a legal form that gives the assigned agent the authority to handle financial transactions on an individual’s behalf. It is common to appoint one person to act as an agent for both financial and healthcare decisions, but in some cases, separate the two.
A health care agent decides:

  • What medical care the individual receives at the hospital, the surgery, medical treatment, home health care, etc.
  • The choice of doctors and care providers.
  • The location where the individual lives regarding residential long-term care. However, the individual must be able to afford these arrangements and the financial POA must approve these costs.
  • What food and nourishment the individual eats.
  • Who tends to activities of daily living.

A financial agent acts on the individual’s behalf:

  • Has access to the financial accounts and pays housing, care costs, and bills.
  • Files taxes.
  • Makes investment decisions.
  • Collects debts, manage property, applies for public benefits such as Medicaid, etc.

What the agent cannot do:

  • Change the will.
  • Break the fiduciary duty to act in the best interest.
  • Make decisions on behalf of the principal after their death.
  • Transfer POA responsibilities, but the agent has the right to decline their appointment at any time.

Carol Marak, aging advocate, Seniorcare.com. She’s earned a Certificate in the Fundamentals of Gerontology from UC Davis, School of Gerontology.

Power & Limitations of Power of Attorney Documents

Power & Limitations of Power of Attorney Documents

Power & Limitations of Power of Attorney Documents Power & Limitations of Power of Attorney Documents Power & Limitations of Power of Attorney Documents Power & Limitations of Power of Attorney Documents Power & Limitations of Power of Attorney Documents Power & Limitations of Power of Attorney Documents Power & Limitations of Power of Attorney Documents

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Why Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than Ever
Caregiving

Why Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than Ever

by Richard Bitner
written by Richard Bitner

In the age of email, instant messaging, and video phone calls, it can sometimes seem like the distance between two people no longer makes much of a difference. But when it comes to looking after our elderly family members, the miles between children and their parents matters more than ever. Why Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than Ever
While most Americans live close to their parents, a big chunk of the population — roughly a third of American adults — lives 100+ miles from their mom and/or dad. For these Americans, caring for an elderly parent can be incredibly challenging.
“In recent years, we’ve seen a growing need in terms of long distance care,” saying Visiting Angels President and CEO Larry Meigs. “When kids move away from home for work or family — or when parents retire to a different part of the country — it becomes difficult to maintain the connection needed for quality care.”

Distance Tied to Demographics

When it comes to the miles between family members, demographics play a key role.
One key driver of the distance between adult children and their parents is income and education. These days, major employers conduct nationwide searches for talent, and top jobs often require a cross-country relocation. As a result, Americans with college degrees and high income positions are more likely to live far away from their parents.
The same is true when elderly adults are educated or well-off financially. Parents with high education and lifelong income levels are more likely to live far away from their children. In many cases, affluent seniors move to warmer states, like Florida or California, where they can enjoy a winterless retirement.
One other factor that shouldn’t be ignored is geography. It should come as no surprise that in sparsely populated areas, distance between family members tends to be greater. In particular, families from America’s west — states like Arizona, Nebraska, and Colorado — are more likely to live a long distance from each other, or to have a member of the family relocate out of state.

Distance Comes with Challenges

With so many Americans separated from their parents, it can be a challenge to maintain contact and healthy relationships. But the distance separating American seniors from their children doesn’t just affect relationships — it can also have dire consequences for the health and well-being of seniors.
That’s because seniors who live far away from their children are at much higher risk of senior isolation. This is especially true for seniors who have moved out of state for their retirement, since they are more likely to be isolated from friends.
Loneliness and isolation in seniors have been studied extensively. Researchers have found that loneliness and isolation put seniors at higher risk for physical, mental, and emotional health concerns. Those risks can be exacerbated when adult children don’t maintain regular contact with their parents, or when they fail to pick up on signs of isolation and loneliness.
So how can adult children limit those risks? The senior care professionals at Visiting Angels suggest:

  • Making sure you call your parents at least once a week to check in.
  • Asking thoughtful questions about their daily habits, social life, and well-being.
  • Paying attention to signs of behavioral changes, self-neglect, physical or mental decline, and self-isolation.
  • Visiting your parents at their residence when possible, and using these trips to look for signs of decline or isolation.

Managing Long Distance Care

Long distances can become especially challenging when seniors’ quality of life starts to decline. Whether triggered by physical, mental, or emotional changes, many seniors will reach a point where they need outside support or assistance. When this happens, it can be difficult to accommodate your parent’s needs if you live in a faraway city or state.
If your parent wishes to continue living independently, there are some options you can consider:

  • Contact your parent’s neighbors and friends to see if they are able to provide support and assistance for your mom or dad.
  • Reach out to local volunteer organizations and services — like Meals on Wheels or senior transportation services — that can help your loved one live more comfortably.
  • Get in touch with a caregiver agency in your parent’s area who offers long distance care services.

Should you choose to hire a professional caregiver, many agencies will be happy to coordinate care over long distances. At Visiting Angels, many of our local agencies offer long distance care services and are more than happy to set up care via phone or email. We can also provide you with regular phone updates into your loved one’s care and condition, giving you peace of mind that you might not otherwise have.
To learn more about long distance care available for your mom or dad, simply get in touch with the local Visiting Angels office in your parent’s area.

Why Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than Ever

Why Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than Ever Why Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than Ever Why Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than Ever Why Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than Ever Why Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than Ever Why Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than Ever Why Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than Ever Why Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than Ever Why Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than EverWhy Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than Ever

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Organizing Care for an Aging Loved One
Caregiving

Organizing Care for an Aging Loved One

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak
When planning a loved one’s care, the best advice to receive is “prepare in advance” long before you need help. By waiting to the last-minute, it could put you and the loved one at risk of stress and potentially, not finding the best care. Organizing Care for an Aging Loved One
Today, close to 50 million people provide assistance for the aged, chronically ill or physically disabled family members, according to the National Association of Family Caregivers. I recommend hiring a geriatric care manager because they’re trained to assess, plan, coordinate, monitor and provide services in caring and assistance. They can help you find in-home support and housing options, and facilitate the care plan. Organizing Care for an Aging Loved One
However, if your loved one is not at a point requiring extensive help, there are other ways to prepare, start with a list of people who can offer encouragement and reinforcement. There are many resources to draw on and here’s a modest list to use to get started.

  • Find a support community — network with other caregivers. You can find support groups at local faith-based communities. The members offer valuable advice since they live with the day-to-day tasks. And connecting with others in the similar situation gives you peace of mind and comfort knowing you can count on their experience.
  • Organize legal documents — select a trusted relative, friend, or professional as the power of attorney and the health care proxy. The individual will make the decisions regarding the health and finances if a loved one becomes incapacitated. Before assigning someone to speak on a person’s behalf, make sure they understand the person’s wishes for the future. Hire an elder law attorney to review or carry out the documents, they make things easier and help those involved gain clarity about desired actions.
  • Keep a list of contacts — keep an address book with contact names and numbers of service providers including bank, lawyer, pharmacist, physician, hairdresser, yardman and others who help. Add neighbors, church connections, friends, and family. Don’t rely on memory for details.
  • Add local resources — religious and faith-based groups are reliable support, but if one doesn’t have close connections there or is not spiritually inclined, then seek out other agencies. Consider local, hands-on, with all-age members such as Meals-on-Wheels and the Area Agency on Aging.
  • Obtain a home safety assessment — have the home assessed for safety to determine whether the loved one will be safe and secure living in it. The plan will recommend immediate, short-term and long-term solutions. It will check for proper lighting and items that obstruct mobility. You’ll gain helpful insights and resources from the professional doing the safety audit.
  • Start discussions with relatives and siblings — have care conversations with the family and make a plan and consider the special interests and natural talents each person possesses that relate with the care requirements. While some are not comfortable bathing and dressing a loved one, perhaps they can cook, clean, and run errands.
    Organizing Care for an Aging Loved One
    Local Non-Profits Providing Senior Care HelpOrganizing Care for an Aging Loved One Organizing Care for an Aging Loved One Organizing Care for an Aging Loved One
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How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care
Aging

How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care

by Richard Bitner
written by Richard Bitner

As our parents grow older, adult children play a bigger and bigger role in their care and well-being. That can mean playing a bigger role in their physical, mental, and emotional health. Unfortunately, this can be difficult if you are unable to speak with your parent’s physician. So, if you’re starting to play a bigger role in your parent’s elderly care, you will likely want to establish lines of communication between yourself and your parent’s physician. How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care
Talking with an elderly parent’s doctor can be a complicated legal and medical situation. But when you’ve taken the necessary steps, it makes elderly care much, much easier. Here are the steps you’ll need to take to establish those lines of communication, along with some tips for how to engage with your loved one’s physician. How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care

Obtaining Legal Authorization

Physicians are legally obliged to keep a person’s medical information private. While some physicians will share information with a patient’s verbal permission, many feel uncomfortable doing so without written authorization.
If your loved one wants to retain their own medical power of attorney, your loved one can create a document that gives his or her physician permission to share medical information with a specific person or persons. A copy of this document must be supplied to your loved one’s physician. If your loved one wishes to give you or another member of your family medical power of attorney, you will need to follow the proper legal procedure for doing so.
It is always a good idea to let other members of your family know when medical authorization is being granted to another person. This can help avoid confusion about who is handling your parent’s health, and can prevent arguments around important health care decisions.

What to Do on Doctor’s Visits

Taking a leadership role in your parent’s medical care is not a decision you should take lightly. Once you’ve made the decision, you will become an advocate for your parent’s health and well-being. That means attending doctor’s visits with your parent, acquiring all the information you can about your parent’s medical history and current condition, and asking questions on behalf of your parent to get them the care they deserve.
When your parent has a doctor’s appointment, join them and make sure you come prepared. If your loved one has specific medical concerns, take notes beforehand and prepare a list of questions you would like answered. You may wish to speak with other family members or your parent’s elderly care provider to see if they have noticed any changes in your loved one’s condition or behavior.
One of the best things that you can do is start a notebook to keep track of your parent’s medical information. A notebook is an excellent tool that can be used to record things you notice about your parent’s condition at home, write questions for your parent’s physician in advance, and record information given by your parent’s physician.

Common Questions for Your Parent’s Doctor

The best way to get the information you need from your parent’s doctor is to ask smart questions. While the questions you ask will depend on your loved one’s condition and diagnosis, here are a few common and basic questions that you should keep in mind when speaking to your loved one’s physician:

  • Can you explain the diagnosis in more detail?
  • Does my parent need to see another medical professional or specialist?
  • Will my parent need to change their routine?
  • Is my parent at further risk of injury or illness due to their condition?
  • How will this impact my parent’s elderly care program?
  • Are there any specific signs or symptoms we should look out for?
  • How often should medication be taken and in what dosage?
  • What should we do if my parent misses a dose or takes an extra dose on accident?
  • Are there any side effects we should expect from the medication(s)?
  • How soon should my parent have their next appointment?

Share Information with Family & Elderly Care Providers

If you have important information about your loved one’s health, you may want to consider sharing it with other family members and/or elderly care providers. Providing family and elderly care workers with this information can make it easier for them to look after your parent. However, it’s important that you check with your loved one first before sharing private information. There may be information that your loved one doesn’t want shared with family or their elderly care provider. Unless this could put them in danger, it is important to respect their wishes.
Find out about elderly care services in your area by contacting your local Visiting Angels. Get started by contacting your local Visiting Angels office.

How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care

How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care

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The Greatest Fears in Grief
Caregiving

How to Help Elderly Parents Who Don’t Want Help

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

Watching a parent grow old is one of the hardest things children have to go through. It’s hard to see someone you love lose their independence because of age. How to Help Elderly Parents Who Don’t Want Help

To make matters worse, many seniors refuse help, and it can be difficult to know how to help elderly parents who don’t want help. How to Help Elderly Parents Who Don’t Want Help
There are varying degrees of needs that seniors have. But it is possible to help every elderly parent get the help they need — no matter how much they refuse or dismiss it.
If you’re currently dealing with an elderly parent who is refusing your help, stress no more. In this article, we’re going to talk about what you can do and how to help elderly parents who don’t want help!

Understand Their Behavior

First, you need to try to understand why your parents are refusing help.
Sometimes seniors refuse help because of their personalities. Some people are easily irritated or are naturally independent. Other times, stubborn behavior is due to underlying issues, like dementia or depression. Many times, people simply become more stubborn with age. Other times seniors are stubborn because they’ve lost independence. How to Help Elderly Parents Who Don’t Want Help
Has your parent recently experienced a loss of independence? Did they lose the ability to do things they once loved? Can your parent no longer drive or manage their finances?
It’s crucial to determine whether their behaviors are becoming a safety issue.
Knowing why your elderly parents are refusing help will create the best solution. Understanding their personalities will help you have more constructive conversations with them.

Treat Them Like an Adult

No matter what, your parents want to feel treated equally. That means treating them like adults despite the severity of their needs.
Remember: How you talk to them will speak more than what you say.
Part of how you can do this is to be open to hearing their side of things. Ask them where they see themselves and how they feel about hiring help. Ask them about what they feel is best for their situation, and what they’re comfortable with and not.
You also want to ask them how they think their situation is affecting those around them. Is their aging becoming hard on their spouse, on you, or the grandchildren?
Approach the conversation slowly. You don’t want to overwhelm them. Make your intervention simple and more like a conversation rather than a lecture.
Help them to see the areas in which they need help. You can ask questions about how they feel in their day-to-day lives and about their stress levels.
Recognize their capabilities and acknowledge them. This will also help you determine how to address their specific needs.
You don’t want to limit their independence more than you have to. When it comes to outside help, allow your parents to be independent when possible. You can be there for them, but you can also be there to watch them do things themselves.
Above all, you need to be patient with them.

Accept the Situation Without Blaming Yourself

It’s important that you have someone to vent to during this time. This is an especially stressful time for you, and you need to be able to talk about this.
Confide in your spouse, friends, other family members, a support group, or with a counselor. The person you vent to cannot be the parents themselves.
You can alleviate your stress levels by prioritizing their needs. In doing so, you can also make note of the steps you’ve taken. This can better prepare you for if, and when, you need to seek outside help.
Part of this process is acknowledging your own limits. You don’t want to take more independence away from your parents than you need to. But putting more responsibility on them can help them realize the extent of their own needs.

How to Help Elderly Parents Who Don’t Want Help

Seeing parents age is one of the hardest things people have to go through.
It’s important to remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. Learn moreabout how to help elderly parents who don’t want help!

How to Help Elderly Parents Who Don’t Want Help

How to Help Elderly Parents Who Don’t Want Help How to Help Elderly Parents Who Don’t Want Help How to Help Elderly Parents Who Don’t Want Help How to Help Elderly Parents Who Don’t Want Help How to Help Elderly Parents Who Don’t Want Help

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What Aging Parents Want from their Kids
Aging

What Aging Parents Want from their Kids

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

What Aging Parents Want From Their Kids and How It Can Help Develop A Care Plan

It always hard when you have to take care of your parents. All those years of being raised and cared for by them make it difficult to reverse roles. But like it or not, it’s a part of life. What Aging Parents Want from their Kids
Fortunately, we’re here to help. We’ve put together a list of what aging parents want from their kids, and how it might help you to develop an effective simple care plan.

1. Be there to offer help when they need it, not all the time.

The challenge with parents as they get older is the conflicting feelings they have towards their kids.
On the one hand, they want their kids to leave them alone, to let them lead their lives as they see fit.
At the same time, older parents know that they can’t do everything themselves. Even if they could, it’s nice to have someone help you if they need to.
So, what does this mean for what aging parents want from their kids? It means that having a plan can reduce a lot of the pressure and stress. With a care plan, you know when your parents need your help, and your parents know when to expect it.

2. They don’t want to feel assessed.

It can be hard to understand your parents as they get older. However, one thing that is made clear again and again is that as people get older, they feel more and more frustration at feeling assessed.
Especially by their family!
For starters, it’s embarrassing. They don’t want you to have to do everything for them. Second, it makes them feel like they’re losing control. And as we all get older, we struggle more and more with the feeling of control.
Finally, no matter how old your parents get, they’re always going to be your parents. They’re never going to get used you assessing them, just like they did when they were raising you.

3. Want to know what aging parents want from their kids most? To be treated as your parents.

As simple as it might seem, it’s what they want most of all. It’s easy to forget that your parents are, well, still your parents. They’re always going to be your parents.
Before they started getting older, they had careers, passions, hobbies. They were experts in their field, had friends, and of course, raised you.
If you want a good relationship with your parents as they get older and require more care, this is the number one thing to remember – they weren’t always sick.
As much as you can, try and treat them like they were and (in some cases) not how they are.

Now that you know what aging parents want from their kids…

There are plenty of struggles to face as your parents get older, not the least of which is trying to understand what aging parents want from their kids.
Hopefully, we’ve helped you understand how best to help them, and how having a care plan might be the solution you’re looking for.
Have you got more questions about taking care of your folks? We’ve got answers. Get in touch now to explore your options. What Aging Parents Want from their Kids

What Aging Parents Want from their Kids

What Aging Parents Want from their Kids

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