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How to Maximize Home Visits with Aging Parents
AgingHome & Family

How to Maximize Home Visits with Aging Parents

by Kathy Macaraeg
written by Kathy Macaraeg

If you are a long distance caregiver, or just don’t live close enough to visit your parents on a regular basis, you may not have enough time to evaluate how they are doing. Here are some ways to maximize your visits so that you get quality time but also check in on their ability to safely live independently. How to Maximize Home Visits with Aging Parents

Leave the House

This may sound like an odd suggestion, but I worked with many families who were very close and the adult children visited regularly, however, they had no idea that their parent had a hard time getting out of the house. Whether the parent had front steps that didn’t have a railing or were using a walker that couldn’t be maneuvered down the steps, there are many hazards that make it difficult for a person with mobility challenges to safely exit their home.

Even if your parent is homebound, being able to exit the home is critical to their safety. What if there is a fire? What if they forget about their limitation and try to go out for a walk. Are they able to exit and enter the house from all exits? You never know what situation could arise, so planning ahead can keep your parent safe.

This is also a great opportunity to evaluate your parent’s driving. Perhaps you ask them to drive you to the grocery store or bakery for a treat. Riding in the car with them will give you a better perspective of their driving ability.

Cook Together

You won’t just get to learn your mother’s special pasta sauce recipe, you’ll also be able to see if she is safely able to maneuver her kitchen. Does she have the heavy pots on a high shelf? Help her find a new, easier location to store them. Are the knobs on the stove difficult to turn on/off due to arthritis? Look into new knobs or a hack to help make it easier to use.

While you’re in the kitchen, check the refrigerator for old or expired food and the food supply, in general. Is the refrigerator bare? Why? Does your parent have a hard time getting out to shop or is he/she becoming forgetful about stocking necessities. I once worked with a woman who had dementia who bought soda every time we went to the store, but she never actually drank soda. She had six packs stacked in her pantry. Do you see any oddities that were never an issue before?

Do a little digging to find out why. It may be that your parent struggles with carrying groceries into the house, so isn’t able to buy much. You may want to consider setting up online grocery delivery, or at minimum, delivery of heavier pantry items.

Allow Them to Host You

Sometimes, when we see our parents looking more frail, our instinct is to jump in and do everything. It is a wonderful gesture, but the problem is, you can’t be sure of their capabilities if you don’t watch them operate independently in their own home. Let your parent set the table, turn off the stove, clear the table (with your help of course!).

Watch to see if they are struggling with any tasks. You may be able to come up with solutions together on how to simplify tasks or you may need to consider bringing help into their home.

Get One Step Ahead

While you’re there, look for safety risks or fall risks and work with your parent to address them. You can also take a look at the following household tasks that they may need help with:

  • Are there any burned out light bulbs? Change them while you are visiting so that your parent won’t attempt to do it on his/her own.
  • Is the season changing? If so, ask your parent if they have blankets or clothing that is stored up high that they may need help bringing down.
  • Are tall bookshelves strapped to the wall? You may want to consider using earthquake safety straps so that they are secure. If your parent trips and grabs a bookshelf to stop their fall, you want to be sure they are nicely secured to the wall and don’t come down on top of them.
  • If they are reaching for books or items on high shelves, make sure they have a sturdy step ladder with a handrail – and that they actually use it!
  • Have they suddenly be-friended someone new who seems to be over-involved in their lives? Do you notice money or valuables missing? Don’t just look for physical safety risks, evaluate their fraud risk as well.

What other things can you think of to make a pre-emptive “strike” to ensure your parent is making dangerous decisions?

 

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5 Tips to Maximize Your Elderly Parent’s At Home Care
Caregiving

5 Tips to Maximize Your Elderly Parent’s At-Home-Care

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

Anytime a child must care for their elderly parents it can be stressful for both parties.

Many people are turning to home healthcare to combat this reality. An estimated 12 million people use these services as an alternative to nursing homes. If you are using at home care or are interested in learning more, here are five things you can do to maximize your parent’s experience.

1.) Know Your Limitations

If you are going to provide at-home care for a parent, being honest with yourself about what you can and cannot do is important. Providing for another person in your home is an investment of both time and money. Your utility and grocery bills will increase. Adding things to a house to make it more comfortable for your parent can also get expensive.If your parents need help bathing and getting dressed, determine if you are comfortable helping them. Don’t forget to plan ahead, understanding that needs will change over time.

2.) At Home Care Requires Safety Precautions

Six out of every ten falls happen in the home. Falling can be a serious health concern for seniors, but there are steps which will lessen this risk. Tape down rugs and other floor coverings that pose trip hazards. For an elderly parent with mobility issues, make sure they have a cane or walker handy. Using walls to stay stable when walking is never safe. Install grab bars and rubber mats in showers and by the toilet, and make sure a panic button is accessible. Rooms should be well lit, with switches placed close to the entrance and within reach.

3.) Secure The Home

Seniors are at a higher risk for crime and financial scams than other age groups. Security has to be a top priority for the elderly.
To protect against potential scams, put your parent’s phone on the federal do not call registry. This list blocks their number from telemarketers. Sliding glass doors are a frequent target for burglars. Make sure they are secure by adding a bar that prevents them from sliding open when they are not in use. Use a hidden safe to protect important documents and cash.

4.) Know Who Comes Into the Home

If you are hiring someone to help your elderly parent, make sure you do some homework.
Get information about the company that is sending someone out. If you are hiring an individual, do a full background check and make sure they are first aid certified. Many states have agencies that regulate home care providers. Anyone you hire should be willing to show you their certifications and licenses.

5.) Maintain Their Quality of Life

Find local support groups that cater to the elderly. These groups are a great place to make friends and discuss issues that are important to elders. Many groups encourage physical activity and will go on mini-trips to local places. Mental stimulation becomes essential as the mind ages. Crossword puzzles and other hobbies will help combat boredom and keep the brain focused, especially in the cold winter months.

Get The Support You Need

For over 25 years, I have worked with thousands of clients around the world, consulting with them on ways to improve their quality of life.

Deciding in favor of at-home care can be a life-changing decision. As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California, I have helped families from various backgrounds confront life’s challenges.
Right now, I am offering a special 30-minute introductory session for only $49, with a $10 discount for seniors. This session will help us learn about each other and discuss ways that my services can help you.

5 Tips to Maximize Your Elderly Parent’s At Home Care

5 Tips to Maximize Your Elderly Parent’s At Home Care 5 Tips to Maximize Your Elderly Parent’s At Home Care 5 Tips to Maximize Your Elderly Parent’s At Home Care 5 Tips to Maximize Your Elderly Parent’s At Home Care 5 Tips to Maximize Your Elderly Parent’s At Home Care

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Aging in Place Solutions for Suburban Older Adults
Age-In-Place

Aging in Place Solutions for Suburban Older Adults

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

Baby boomers begin to retire in large numbers. Their kids are adults and have lives of their own. The boomer contends with stairs, home maintenance, mowing lawns, and worrying about movability as driving becomes a nuisance. The graying of America will force the service industries to ramp up for needed solutions. Aging in Place Solutions for Suburban Older Adults

Over 49 million older Americans face the dilemma. Some will seek rentals in the urban district, while many will stay in the home they love planted in the suburbs. For those opting to age in place, the service industry must adapt and supply transportation, affordable housing, healthcare services, personal care options, and home maintenance choices to help meet the growing needs.

There are many unanswered questions and more hidden ones that need tackling as the boomer segment grows older with the desire to stay put. City officials, developers, and business leaders seem to forget about the suburbia residents. Governments and thought leaders focus instead on answering the demands of the urban society, not those tucked away in the sprawl.

Even investors, financial establishments and healthcare suppliers must magnify their thinking about the evolving needs of older Americans stuck in the outlying areas. They must recognize that seniors have urgent needs as they lose independence.

To help get the ball rolling on ideas that business leaders and government officials can chew on, I’ve asked several members of the Seniorcare.com Aging Council to offer up concepts that could solve the dire needs. The question posed to the experts,

“Adults want to age at home, and it’s particularly difficult for those living alone. What services would better meet the needs of senior couples and singles than what’s available today?”

Delivery Options

Communities need to recognize the opportunity; there are many ways small businesses can help. Grocery delivery, driving services, house cleaning and the shared economy can make this more accessible and affordable. We created a falls prevention coalition locally; this is an excellent way to educate (and provide resources) about the risk of falls, one of the fastest ways to derail plans to age at home. AgingWisely.com.

Another service that’s required is meal delivery for the senior without family support or other help. Adult day cares, family caregiver support for respite care, and regular wellness checks can be significant for older persons who remain at home. Updating homes to provide wheelchair ramps and widened doorways can be helpful. Senior-Planning.com.

Networking

Consider adopting the Village Model, which is a growing movement in the U.S., defined as a neighbor-to-neighbor system providing services such as transportation, home repairs, coordinating access to health and wellness, and planned social events. They’re designed to help older adults age in place in their homes and neighborhoods. Founded in the Beacon Hill neighborhood in Boston, there are now 205 Villages across the country and another 150 in development. CapitolConsultingLLC.com.

Living alone as you age is difficult, and providing companionship can be a big help. Local community residents could assist seniors in everyday tasks like grocery shopping, driving, and lawn mowing. Also, local city units could prioritize a community’s safety ordinance by ensuring safe sidewalks and create reliable, secure, and efficient public transportation. ALTCP.org.

Home Maintenance

Provide free or low-cost home helpers to do simple repairs like changing light bulbs that are up high, fixing broken locks and doors, and more home maintenance needs. SandwichINK.com.
We have seen examples across the country who are helping seniors who are aging in place including creating more livable communities. Suburban residents who form collaboratives to care for each other, help with home maintenance, friends encouraging socialization and giving help when assistance is needed are filling the gaps for those aging alone. SeniorCareCorner.com.

Transportation

Deliver more services geared to ride sharing and ride services which are an extremely significant support for the enhancement of socialization and shopping. HouseHoldGuardians.com.
Think “Depot,” fed by transportation (Uber, Lyft-types). Inbound: hub for services (a Third Place, recreation, day services, legal/financial/medical connections, lectures and classes, places to meet with professionals and friends. Outbound: hub from which could emanate telemedicine and outbound delivery (Uber and Lyft is now working with Walmart for grocery delivery), home health and case management. NavigateNC.com.

Local Support

Starting a dialogue in your community perhaps beginning by partnering with existing programs like the neighborhood association and the Area Office on Aging. Most of the time individuals are aware of the elderly couple in the neighborhood, but there may be apprehension on both ends about reaching out. Associations and AOA’s are trusted organizations that could work together to start a conversation. CaregiverSupportServices.com.

Build NORCs, Naturally Occurring Retirement Communities, today they’re found in urban areas where seniors congregate, and the services came to them. We now need to do the same in the suburbs. But key will be transport issues. Because even if the services are close by, unlike an urban area where you can walk to them, you will need delivery to access them. TheAgingExperience.com.

Aging in Place Solutions for the Suburban Older Adults

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How Denial About Decline Compromises Senior Care
Caregiving

How Denial About Decline Compromises Senior Care

by Richard Bitner
written by Richard Bitner

Elderly decline is a natural, if unfortunate, part of life. Decline in physical and cognitive function is an inevitable part of growing older, making day-to-day life increasingly difficult for seniors. Come a certain point, decline makes it unsafe for seniors to continue living without the support of senior care, either from family caregivers or a senior care agency. How Denial About Decline Compromises Senior Care
Decline often goes hand-in-hand with denial. Elderly decline is stressful on seniors and their family members, and many people use denial as a coping mechanism. But denial about elderly decline and the need for senior care isn’t just common — it’s also dangerous. Denial prevents elderly adults from getting the care they need, which can accelerate their decline, severely reduce their well-being, and put them at serious risk of illness and injury.

Understanding Denial & Senior Care

No one is immune from denial about elderly decline and the need for senior care. Denial is commonly experienced by declining seniors, and it can affect their spouses, siblings, children, grandchildren, and friends. Sometimes, denial from a single person is what undermines senior care. Other times, an entire family is in denial, creating a particularly difficult situation.
While denial is difficult to overcome, a greater awareness of how denial works can make it easier to recognize denial in yourself or others. The following information may help you better understand denial, how it relates to elderly decline, and how it compromises senior care efforts.

  • Denial occurs when a situation is too distressing for a person to accept. By minimizing or ignoring the problem, the person can avoid its emotional consequences.
  • Short-term denial can be healthy, as it gives a person time to emotionally process traumatic information. For instance, it may give an elderly adult the chance to subconsciously process the fact that they won’t be able to live on their own without assistance.
  • Denial becomes unhealthy if it continues long-term, or if it prevents urgently needed action. In cases of elderly decline, it can mean that a person does not get senior care services they desperately need.
  • Declining seniors who go into denial are often distressed that they may lose the ability to walk, retain memories, perform favorite activities, be self-sufficient, or continue living at home.
  • Family members of declining seniors may go into denial because they’re afraid of losing their loved one, because they worry about the costs of senior care, or because they feel unprepared to act as a caregiver.
  • Signs of denial include ignoring signs of a problem, treating signs of a problem as insignificant, or rationalizing reasons not to worry about signs of a problem.
  • It is extremely difficult for a person to recognize that they are suffering from denial or to convince them they are in denial, but the condition is often obvious to outsiders.

Overcoming Denial Around Elderly Decline

Have you noticed signs of denial about elderly decline and the need for senior care in your loved one, a family member, or even yourself? If so, there are strategies you can use to overcome it.
When dealing with another person in denial, it’s important to avoid anger or judgment whenever possible. Build a case around facts and evidence. Often, denial continues because a person avoids information that would prove the problem exists. Introducing this information could stop denial from persisting. If you can predict ways that the person might explain away or rationalize new information, you can also be prepared to show them why their way of thinking may be mistaken. Be prepared, however, for denial to continue despite intervention.
If denial persists, you might wish to schedule a senior care consultation with a care professional. An expert’s voice could be the difference maker your family member needs to see signs of decline for what they are. Typically, these consultations are provided at no cost and with no obligation to continue with senior care.
To learn about senior care options in your local area, or to book a free care consultation for your loved one, contact your local Visiting Angels today.

How Denial About Decline Compromises Senior Care

How Denial About Decline Compromises Senior Care How Denial About Decline Compromises Senior Care How Denial About Decline Compromises Senior Care How Denial About Decline Compromises Senior Care How Denial About Decline Compromises Senior Care

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Aging

Biggest Senior Concerns

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

Health and financial security is a prime concern to seniors. In a survey sponsored by the National Council on Aging, found that financial security (71% of seniors) comes ahead of staying involved with family and friends (68%) but women are even more vulnerable than men to financial matters.

The study names other worrisome factors like health care and prescription drug costs. The other two are being a burden to family and losing independence.

Individuals who help a loved one will risk losing their financial security because they quit their job or work part-time to become a caregiver. They forfeit contributing to their retirement fund and saving accounts.

The Caregiving Dilemma

Family caregiving has always been the cornerstone of our healthcare system. But that segment dwindles.

In 2016, nearly 15 percent of women ages 40-44 hadn’t given birth and were childless, up from 10 percent in 1976, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. A 2013 report from AARP projects that by 2040, about 21 percent of the older, disabled population will be childless.

The number of childless older people in the UK expects to double by 2030, putting huge pressure on a health and social care system that is already struggling to support the vulnerable, warned Kirsty Woodard, founder of the Ageing Well Without Children.

Older adults strapped with money insecurity now take on another challenge, paying for personal care at home.

If you’re in this situation, have you thought about how you will find help and support in the years ahead? The members in my group talk about it a lot. But it’s not just the child free individuals who worry about it, so do women with children, because many live hundreds of miles apart or have estranged relationships.

It’s a huge issue that we must address. The last thing you want to face is a medical emergency or event without a plan.

In a study conducted in my Facebook group by an academic professor revealed other factors for individuals to think about:

  • To identify a caregiver who would help if you became ill or disabled
  • To find a trusted person to help you cope with life’s challenges like medical and financial decisions
  • To have access to someone in case there’s a crisis
  • To find people to socialize with you to avoid loneliness
  • To mitigate your chances of developing chronic conditions

When you make a plan to tackle these issues, then you’re less confused and uncertain about handling them in the coming years.

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Caregiving

Advice Tips for New Family Caregivers

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

Taking on the role of a family caregiver can be confusing and riddled with unfamiliar tasks, assignments, and responsibilities. When compiling a checklist, the one thing a family member needs to know is that elder care is more than just health care issues.

There are so many services to consider. Services I always recommend are the legal and financial planning aspect. My motto is always to plan for the worse but always hope for the best.

Subsequently, I recommend contacting the local Area Agency on Aging also known as the Department of Aging. You can find them online by searching the term “local area agency on aging.” The department will guide you to needed resources in your area. It’s the best place to start.

Caregiving Skills and Tips

The other skills and tips to list. These will set you on a better caregiver track.

  • Join learn to accept offers of help now
  • Learn as much as you can about the illness and care needs
  • Taking regular breaks from caregiving will prevent burn out
  • Learn time management skills
  • Get advice from professionals because now you’re expected to make important decisions and likely have limited information

 

Caregiving is physically and emotionally exhausting. Remember to recharge your batteries. Over time, caregiver stress can lead to burnout, a condition marked by irritability, fatigue, problems with sleep, weight gain, feelings of helplessness or hopelessness, and social isolation.

Caregiver burnout is caused by repeated exposure to stress which harms mental and physical health. Chronic stress triggers a release of stress hormones in the body, which can lead to exhaustion, irritability, a weakened immune system, and many other issues.

To counter-stress and help avoid it, you can apply mind-body practices like yoga, tai chi, meditation, and deep relaxation techniques. Few other reminders:

  1. Take care of your health.
  2. Take time for yourself.
  3. Practice patience.
  4. Find work and caregiving balance.
  5. Learn to take the ups and downs lightly.

People are not always prepared when they enter the role of family caregiver. New family caregivers should make time for themselves, look at the technology that is designed specifically for seniors and caregivers, openly communicate with family members, and be prepared for financial planning. To help build these skills, caregivers can visit familycaregivercouncil.com.

While you might find it difficult to keep social appointments with friends and family in the face of caretaking, it is important to maintain social connections to feel less isolated. Realizing that you’re not alone and that others are going through similar experiences nurtures your ability to be self-compassionate. Hospitals and local organizations often offer caregiver support groups for family and caregivers.

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Aging

Controlling Confusion in Older Adults

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

There are many who find themselves getting in family arguments about controlling confusion in older adults. This is because it is common for family members and their caregivers to notice changes in behavior, and cognitive abilities, over time. When these shifts happen unexpectedly, a family caregiver might view the behavior as irrational or paranoid. But, for the senior experiencing the confusion, it is very real.

A change in your loved one’s behavior could be due to an undiagnosed cognitive impairment. Sometimes these manifest themselves as fears and worries. Or there may be complaints and confusion. In more extreme cases, shifts can be signifiers of dementia.

Reach out to a personal counselor and talk through difficulties. You don’t have to go through this alone. Discuss issues with a professional and find ways to connect with other caregivers. Controlling confusion means a group of people are working toward a better situation, together.

Evaluate Cognitive Health

It is important to understand what is happening underneath shifts in behavior. There may be dementia issues that need to be addressed. Because, even though there are no known cures for Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia, it is helpful to get a diagnosis as soon as possible. With knowledge, you can discover paths to solutions, including caregiver resources, medications, and ways to minimize stress or environmental triggers.

Any problems or changes in behavior should be addressed with a healthcare provider to see if there are any medical issues to be resolved. But, also remember that if you are seeing a doctor who specializes on physical ailments, they may not be the best resource for mental health issues. If more answers are needed, consider setting an appointment with a specialist.

Focus on Emotional Connections

While you may not believe what an individual is saying, it helps if you can believe that they believe it. For instance, if someone is hallucinating trying to convince them that nothing is there will only create a frustrating and argumentative environment. Dementia can be incredibly detrimental to an individual, both physically and emotionally. Dismissing someone’s worries is not helpful.

Everyone wants to feel loved and safe. For that reason, if someone is experiencing confusion, sometimes the first priority is to give them reassurance. When controlling confusion, try stepping away from the situation causing stress and focus on positive experiences, such as listening to music or talking about a happy memory. Counseling can also help with keeping harmony.

Reach Out for Support

It is important to realize you are not alone. Sometimes another individual in a similar situation will have tips on how to deescalate emotions in stressful situations with an older adult experiencing confusion. If you don’t know other caregivers personally, online resources may be helpful.

If you are concerned about an older adult in your life or if you are a caregiver caring for a senior and have seen changes in behavior and personality, know there is help available. Changes in behavior can occur for a variety of reasons. It is important to seek help and find solutions for you and your family.

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Aging

When You Should Compromise

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

Compromising can be a difficult thing to do with people. While it’s a great way to make two people happy about a situation, it doesn’t always work out that way. That’s because there are some situations in which you shouldn’t compromise. Knowing when you should compromise will help you save time and energy. When You Should Compromise

What It Means to Compromise

You probably know what it means to compromise. When two people do not agree on something, each person decides to do a little of what the other person wants, and the other person does the same. That way not one person gets everything he or she wants, but both people get a little of what is wanted. The problem is that it doesn’t always end up that way. Sometimes, one person can’t give a little because that would mean forfeiting it all. In the end, a compromise doesn’t help that person.

It’s true that some people will perceive compromising as losing no matter what. For example, a person may not be willing to give up any of what he wants, and if that’s the case, a compromise cannot be reached. Usually, these people feel that compromises don’t help them. They want what they want, and that’s that.
If you’re one of these people, it might be time to consider when you should compromise.

Situations When You Should Compromise

Instead of refusing to compromise on everything, the following are some situations in which you should.

  • When You’re Doing Something with Someone

When you’re trying to find something to do with someone else, you should compromise. It’s only fair since that person will be experiencing whatever you decide to do.

  • When Someone Is Affected By the Decision

Going along the same lines as the first one, this situation for when you should compromise has to do with when someone is affected by your decision. For example, you want to move to a new home, but you take care of your grandchildren each day. The new home is not kid-friendly, so you probably should compromise and find another place that you like, but is more kid friendly.

  • When Working in a Group

When you’re working on achieving a goal with a few people, you should try to compromise. Everyone has their own idea on how something should be done, so everyone should be able to have some input in achieving the goal.

  • With Yourself

You should always compromise with yourself. This is a big part of self-control. Almost everyone in the world wants to do everything they want, but that’s not always the right move. Being able to choose only some of the things you want to do can help you from getting out of control with money, time, or even emotionally.

When You Should Not Compromise

Just like there are situations when you should compromise, there are some when you should not.

  • When the Decision Only Affects You

You have the right to do what you want and need to do. Some people want to take that right from you because they believe they know what’s best for you. As much as the other person wants to compromise with you, when it comes to your life, your decisions are yours – just as the consequences are yours.

  • When Using Your Own Money

When you’re using your money on yourself, you shouldn’t have to compromise with others on how you use it. You may have made financial mistakes in the past, but the consequences are yours to deal with, so people shouldn’t be able to tell you what to do.

  • When Taking Care of Yourself

Many people compromise with loved ones on the best way to be cared for as they get older. While it can be a stress reliever to compromise in this situation, you don’t have to. Again, your life is yours, and if you’re able to competently make decisions, you still have the right to make them.

Getting More Help

While you may know when you should and shouldn’t compromise, what comes afterwards is the hard part. Dealing with others’ reactions when you don’t compromise can be difficult to deal with no matter the situation.

 

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Caregiving

Aging Parents: Plan for All Seasons

by Guest Blogger
written by Guest Blogger

Plan now for where your elders will live as they age. Get their vision for what they want to happen if they need care or accommodations for an illness. Having a plan is the key. It reduces the stress, eases the frustration and makes caregiving easier for all involved. I’ve boiled it down to 3 steps.

Do your elders want to live at their own home as long as they can? Do they have a vision for where they’ll want to be if the time comes when they need care? Does each family member have a role?

First – talk to your elders. Do they want to live in their current home as they age (called aging in place)? Do they want to move to a retirement community where there is a continuum of care (independent living to assisted living to nursing or memory care, if needed)? Do they want to move to be near you or one of your siblings? Do they already have a retirement residence where they want to move?

This first step is critical. Discussing these details with your elders puts everyone on the same page. It brings all the parties who will be a part of their care into the same discussion. You can better accommodate their vision if you know what it is.

Waiting until the first emergency is not a plan. The resulting panic will probably not result in a decision that looks like what it would have if you had developed a plan and executed it.

Second – Based on input from your elders, your siblings and/or other family members, work toward developing a plan that incorporates your elder’s wishes, takes your own needs into consideration and can be accomplished within the budget that your family has.

If they want to age in place, you can help your elders make necessary accommodations to their home or property. Do those things now, before an emergency would make those changes infeasible.

If assets need to be sold to build a budget for care, work on a plan to maximize revenues and minimize the hassle of having to sell immediately because they need the money.

If they want to live with you, near you or near one of your family members, start looking for the right residential fit. If it’s in your home, you can start making any necessary changes now – additions, retrofits for older folks, etc. If it is moving to a retirement or assisted living facility residence, check out what’s available and arrange for a tour. Whatever their choices are, develop a plan, move to the next steps and don’t wait.

If your elder already has a retirement residence, are there any accommodations that might need to be made as they age? If yes, decide when/how those can be cost-effectively made and set a timeline in place. It may not be needed now, but determine at what point the changes would need to be made and stay on track to make them if the need arises.

Third – Know that even the best plans change. Keep an open mind about what might happen if their health changes or they need more care than can be given where they planned to live. Make them aware that you will incorporate their wishes and their vision as much as you can.

Have a positive attitude about this journey. Know it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Laugh as much as you can. Giggle when you find something funny and share that giggle with your elder.

If you know what your elder wants, you can develop a plan that incorporates your needs as well, recognizing that life happens and things change. You will have gone a long way to ease your stress in the caregiving/caretaking role. Frustration arises most often when an emergency happens, no plan is in place and you find yourself in PANIC mode. Making decisions in the PANIC mode produces the MOST stress and the LEAST optimal solutions.

Get out your calendar and set a date with your elders. With the holidays coming up, now is the perfect time to talk to your elders with the whole family there.

Start the conversation.

By Suzanne Asaff Blankenship

Suzanne’s experience with eldercare came the hard way – by doing it. Suzanne has two decades of experience managing her mother’s care as well as sharing the care for her in-laws. After years of sharing stories and receiving requests for advice, Suzanne found she wasn’t alone in her eldercare journey, or in her search for solutions. With her unique approach of organized preparation sprinkled with her tongue-in-cheek humor, Suzanne guides others skillfully through the challenging experience of eldercare.

theeldercarenavigator.com

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