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Seniors & Covid

10+ Ways to Connect and Care During COVID

by Jeff Dailey
written by Jeff Dailey

As our elders stay inside their homes, their apartments and their residential communities, we search for ways to connect with them as well as to make their lives and their care better. Here are 10+ ways to connect and care for your elders during this unprecedented time.

 

Some are simple, but simple works right now.

Engage with Them:
  • Send a note or card in the mail. Include a photo, a drawing, or news clipping that you want to share. Elders love getting snail mail.
  • Ask them to write you a story that they’ve never told you before.
  • If your elder has FaceTime or their community has a tablet that they are using for family connections, use this means to have some virtual face-to-face time.
  • Set up a daily or weekly chat time. Stick to it.
  • Send them magazines, puzzles, books, craft supplies. You can order online and have them delivered.
  • Some floral companies are doing contact-free deliveries. Order balloons or flowers to brighten your elder’s day. Springtime is great for blooming plants.
  • Send your elder a box of blank cards and a book of stamps. They can use them to write to loved ones and friends. Send addresses or suggestions so they don’t have to search.
  • Offer to do their spring yard work. You can visit from a distance that way.
  • If you live nearby, order a food delivery for them and the same one for you. Then call them while you enjoy the same meal.
Make Sure Your Elders Are Getting Consistently Good Care:
  • Check to see if your elder’s doctor or care provider is offering telehealth visits. Sign your elder up for telehealth instead of their next in-person visit, if appropriate.
  • Set up a Care Conference with your elder’s care providers via video or phone. Ask about physical, cognitive and mental health.
  • If your elder lives in a care community or retirement community, call the Activities Director and ask if you can order or send something for their residents to enjoy. Trivia books to use? Puzzle books? Individual crafts?
  • Now is a great time to set up mail order Rx deliveries for maintenance meds. If your elder is using a retail pharmacy, set up delivery with them (or move to a retail pharmacy that does do delivery).
  • Staff members at retirement and care communities are running ragged right now. Order delivery of meals, snacks or gift cards. Call and ask what they need.
  • Check with your local Area Agency on Aging to see what resources are available at low or no cost to assist your elder right now.

 

More than anything, find ways to stay connected. Isolation is not a good place for anyone, but especially not elders.

Stay well, friends. Know we’ll work our way through this time and find some very special connections along the way.

Author Suzanne Blankenship

 

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Age-In-Place

Data Shows Susceptible Seniors Living Alone

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

Nearly ninety percent of the senior citizens across the U.S. prefer to age in place and grow old at home. Professionals believe that’s the place where people can afford to live over other costly places like nursing homes. But even staying home raises concerns, like the ones that block healthy aging. The most significant are lack of transportation, affordable housing, and isolation.

When adults have little access to shopping and social activity, isolation becomes a high risk factor that plays havoc on their health. Here’s what few seniors from my Facebook group says about aging at home with little support and connection — the comments illustrate the challenges.

“Budget, transportation, and health are the main causes of my isolation. I had to give up driving because of severe glaucoma. Also, having a rare autoimmune disease makes me exhausted most of the time.”

“Loneliness and isolation are a real problem. Our culture is different than most Asian and Latin cultures where no older person has to worry about being alone.”

What’s troubling when studying the U.S. Census, is the high numbers of older residents living alone. Across America, close to 30 percent of the 65 and over, live at home without support, totaling over 11 million, and of these, 71% are female.

That’s a lot of older adults at risk for isolation, a factor of chronic illness. Research examining loneliness says the effects negatively relates to physical activity, mental, and motor function. Strong social connections are central to physical and mental well-being. But it’s a complex issue. When vulnerable older adults have setbacks, they become disconnected and isolated.

Resources

  • Contact the local Area Agency on Aging, you can find them using keyword terms, like “area agency on aging your city.” They offer services and resources of the Area Agency on Aging, Elder Abuse Prevention, Information and Assistance, Legal Services, and Long-term Care Ombudsman. If you want social connection, call your city Parks and Recreation department.
  • ADA (American Disabilities Act) Paratransit provides transportation for those who cannot use the fixed-route public transit system. Each state has it. If you qualify, they will give door to door service in a small bus.
  • Law schools offer free legal assistance to low-income seniors. Or contact you local Area on Aging Department, they can refer you to an elder law attorney.
  • BenefitsCheckUp.org: Quickly find benefit programs that could help you pay for medications, health care, food, and more. All from a reliable and trusted source.
  • Seniorcare.com/directory – has created over 8000 local senior guides that offer healthcare quality ratings, senior housing options and other resources for aging Americans.
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How to Thrive When Aging Alone
Aging

How to Thrive When Aging Alone

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

Have you heard of the term Elder Orphan? It’s a new way of framing categorizing who are aging alone. I began to think about aging alone after caring for my parents. My mother struggled with heart problems, while my father lived with Alzheimer’s disease. Watching their decline was heartbreaking. It was close to one year after dad’s passing when the question hit me: “Who will care for me?”

That was 10 years ago. Today, I’m 65.

The U.S. Census Bureau tells us more than 27 percent of people age 65 and over live alone. One reason is because baby boomers have the highest divorce rate and lowest number of children, and as they turn 65, the numbers of those living alone escalate. How to Thrive When Aging Alone

There are thousands of us on our own, and we are in good company. In my “elder orphan” Facebook group, we have over 4,000 members. We face similar challenges, like finding help after surgery or if we’re sick, affordable housing, public transportation, social engagement, isolation, and choosing a health care proxy.

The most affordable living arrangements place us in the suburbs, far from convenient shopping and accessible public transit. It can be stressful, but being fearful exacerbates the problems and leaves us disempowered.

I try to maintain a positive view of being alone. If I feel lonely, I call someone or visit a sibling or friend, have lunch or dinner out, visit the library or attend a class, or join a Meetup group. Other things that help mitigate the fear of being alone:

  • Being clear about how I want to live, and what compromises I’m open to, outlines the aging alone strategy. Other things that affect my well-being are having personal space and loving what I do for a living. Otherwise, it would be meaningless. How to Thrive When Aging Alone
  • Think about the times you weren’t thriving. What was missing? And what did you do to cope? For me, back in 2008, I wanted to write about family caregiving and older adult issues, and to be recognized as an advocate in the area of aging. It took years of blogging, writing web copy and building my personal brand. Now, nine years later, I’m closer to my dreams.
  • Understanding my needs allows me to live genuinely in a life that’s mine — and it gives me confidence, strength and resilience. It took years to appreciate my accomplishments and to trust myself. It was easier to be a people pleaser and be indirect about things I wanted; often, I felt I did not deserve my dreams. Caring about what happens in the future is what carried me through the hard times and struggles.
  • Push for what is important to you. Be patient and don’t make demands. Ask for what you want but give to yourself first; don’t rely on another person to make you happy. A friend once told me, “A man is not a plan!” Funny, right? But how many of us hold out for a partner to be the knight in shining armor or a nurse with a purse? How to Thrive When Aging Alo
  • Forgiving myself is essential. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we all make mistakes. But if I spend too much time dwelling on the stupid things I’ve done, it takes my energy and lethargy settles in. So I forgive myself. The act itself turns life around and lets me head to where I want to be in the future.
  • Mistakes don’t make you or me right or wrong — they make us human. When disturbing thoughts of your mistakes disrupt your peace of mind, take a moment to relax and breathe. Allow the disturbance to move through and release once and for all.
  • Honoring my individuality and the traits that make me who I am is life-altering. Over the years, I’ve learned to accept faults, weaknesses and dysfunctions. By doing so, I’ve learned patience, trust and unconditional love. I don’t dwell on what’s wrong. In celebrating my differences, I choose to be around people who accept me for who I am.
    Are you ready to accept and celebrate you? Doing so will change your life. When an individual gives up criticism, a sense of compassion fills the gap. It’s remarkable.

 

Learning my lessons has me looking forward to the future. It’s my hope and wish that you find courage and resolve as you look to make being alone a blessing.

How to Thrive When Aging Alone

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Dealing with Loneliness
Aging

Dealing with Loneliness

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

Seniors face many challenges, they have financial constraints, difficulty finding work, have problems driving and getting around, deal with chronic illnesses, and if those weren’t enough, so many older adults suffer from loneliness. For the issue of being alone and lonely–do we have more control of feeling isolated than we want to admit? In the elder orphan Facebook group, I hear some members say they are very lonely — while others admit to being alone but rarely lonely. Dealing with Loneliness
Even for me, where I live (in a highrise surrounded by close neighbors,) I experience few residents who never make eye contact while others will stop in the hallways and strike up conversations. I wonder, in some cases, are we our worse enemies? Maybe, if we learn to make contact, talk with people even those we don’t know, would that help us feel more engaged and less lonely?
I posed the question to my Facebook group, and members responded with useful tips and suggestions:

  • “Yes, so true, but know if you make a sincere effort to connect with another, not everyone will respond. Don’t let that one experience stop you from ever trying again. We should all keep trying again and again. It’s kind of like looking for a job, eventually, you will get one if you want one bad enough.”
  • “I think if we become more engaged in groups or volunteering we would be less lonely.”
  • “Having a disability or chronic illness may limit participation. Cultural studies tell us we have multiple identities; one at work, at home, at a place of worship, in volunteer work, etc. Understand your identities – interests, talents, and values. Then pursue them and find compatible people there.”
  • “It has to do with the personality. My friend is amazing, she talks to everyone, everywhere. It never occurs to her that rejection is possible. And everyone responds to her. She was just camping at the North Rim, hanging out with 5 young men in the next tent. I am going to try to be more outgoing like her, but it’s easy!”

No, it isn’t easy to connect with total strangers. But it gets easier over time even if you’re an introvert. I was able to change my approach with people, even being when being shy. Here’s how I changed my introvert behavior to an inclusive approach:

  1. Made eye contact with every person that crossed my path
  2. Said hello to each one and smiled — if they didn’t respond, I was okay with it
  3. Asked many of them, “How’s the day going for you?”
  4. When shopping, make eye contact with clerks and thank them for the help and say, “I hope you have a good day.”

After a month of doing this, I’m amazed by how I felt. It was a fulfilling experience and I felt more engaged. Years later, today, I have conversations with strangers at the bus stop, waiting in the checkout lines — no matter where I go (most times) I don’t feel alone because I know, a conversation and connection is right there waiting to happen. Dealing with Loneliness
How to Thrive When Aging Alone

Dealing with Loneliness

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What are Guaranteed Issue Rights for Medigap
Aging

This Is Why Aging Alone Is Harder And How We Adapt

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

The lifestyle and concept of aging alone is not new, but in the U.S. more people experience aging at home without the support of family nearby (2010 Census.) In the rural area where I grew up, the older generations never worried about being left alone without help. Families saw to it that older members had a place to live, food on the table, received help with daily living, and a bed. Our elders shared in social activities and never felt left out. Even the local township and churches actively participated in caring for elders when they were alone. It gave us a sense of paying it forward or making a difference, not fulfilling an obligation. But in larger cities, there may have been an epidemic of loneliness and isolation, just not where I grew up. This Is Why Aging Alone Is Harder And How We Adapt

Family dynamics have shifted and altered over the last 50 years. More people have moved from their home towns to prepare for adulthood and headed off to college. That’s what happened in my family. However, when my parents needed me in their elder years, their offspring rallied to help. But not all families are capable or willing.
As for me, I wonder who will care for me later on? I’m in my mid-sixties and have no children or a spouse and since I want to surround myself with like-minded individuals, I started a Facebook group to help mitigate our loneliness, lack of support, and to share knowledge and insights on coping. And sometimes we celebrate the decades of shared memories. Over the past year, some members even meet locally.
Most members in the group accept that problems like loneliness, job dissatisfaction, social isolation, ability to make friends, finding worthwhile free time pursuits, dealing with dysfunctional families or physical limitations may apply just as much to a younger adult, a healthy child or teenager, and even a disabled Millennial, or the married couple next door, but generally speaking, older adults may have a harder time with isolation than the younger individuals, excluding people living with a disability.

The Difficult Aging Concerns and Issues

In our group, we discuss tough issues and many times share resources, words of encouragement, and tips that help us get by during difficult times. I believe if one has a family member nearby, it’s easier (but not less painful or worrisome) to face a challenge, an impending medical treatment, and even a hospital stay. However, having support and the love of another individual goes a long way to relieve anxiety.

Real aging alone worries — and support given

  • “Being in the hospital alone. I’ve gone to the ER due to serious breathing issues. Wrote an email to my only family, a brother 600 miles away of my wishes for my cats, my health directives, cremation and my estate.”
  • “I’ve had serious blood pressure issues recently and was hospitalized too. Hope you are better soon. Wish I was closer to help you out if needed.”
  • “Inspired by a (late) friend, I have made a will and I’m currently seeking some sort of pre-arranged cremation services and have contacted my sisters 3,000 miles away and made them aware of my wishes and cleared it with them. Now, since I am the only one left, I can get on living the remaining chapters.”
  • “I had serious back surgery recently and like you will be pretty much alone. To say that I’m terrified would be an understatement. I just know that I’ve done everything else for my back and this is the last step to see if I get any relief from pain which goes on 24/7. This will be a six-hour surgery so not a walk in the park. I certainly empathize with you and hope you will keep me in your thoughts on Thursday.”
  • “I need to coordinate the legal docs and appoint a guardian, maybe a lawyer, to work with the hospital and funeral director. At the end of the day, it may be a smarter more caring choice than distant family.”
  • “Two weeks ago I had surgery and heard the question we all dread..do you have someone to pick you up?”
  • “For the 1st time…I enlisted friends. It was empowering. But ..they won’t always be there.”
  • “This is where we experience the heart of our and sadness. It also brings up so many past hurts and regrets.”
  • “I have no one to manage my affairs when I die. I’m not worried about my fur baby…….there are at least four people who would take him in a heart beat. He’s such a love! But people don’t want to be involved with handling things when a person dies……….unless they are family and I have none.”

Hopes and wisdom shared

  • “We are not alone! Children are negligent and don’t show up—even adult children see sick parents once a year.”
  • “Husbands of chronically ill women can be negligent and nasty. Many of them have family dysfunction and estrangement.”
  • “As I’m writing this and seeing these oppressed and neglected married women with children..we might take a different approach and congratulate ourselves on being strong survivors of life.”
  • “I was in another country, and I developed a.sac of water around my heart. I didn’t die, but I’m still having a lot of trouble walk-ins, lifting, rolling over in bed, etc. It sucks to have no one to call on. I’m new to the area.”
  • “DRGs are the worse thing for single patients. Please make sure the Social Worker knows that you go home to no one and that you have no one to check up on you. Maybe they can transfer you to assisted living for a week or two.”
  • “Whatever you do, DO NOT LEAVE until 1) you have a diagnosis that makes sense to you, and 2) there is someone to come and get you, and see you safely home.”
  • “I’m thrilled by social experiments all over the world bringing students or teens together with the aging in win/win situations. As we face a changing reality don’t forget all of our positives and benefits. The retired have more free time and a lifetime of experience to share. Consider mentoring a young entrepreneur, teaching scouts how to cook, sew, crochet, train a dog. What did our grands teach us? Pass it on!”
Some individuals may read the article and say, “how depressing,” whereas a member of the group, me, would read and say, “how refreshing, people aging at home alone, have a platform to be heard and supported.” This Is Why Aging Alone Is Harder And How We Adapt
New Aging Dilemma: Living Alone At Home

This Is Why Aging Alone Is Harder And How We Adapt

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Aging

Biggest Senior Concerns

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

Health and financial security is a prime concern to seniors. In a survey sponsored by the National Council on Aging, found that financial security (71% of seniors) comes ahead of staying involved with family and friends (68%) but women are even more vulnerable than men to financial matters.

The study names other worrisome factors like health care and prescription drug costs. The other two are being a burden to family and losing independence.

Individuals who help a loved one will risk losing their financial security because they quit their job or work part-time to become a caregiver. They forfeit contributing to their retirement fund and saving accounts.

The Caregiving Dilemma

Family caregiving has always been the cornerstone of our healthcare system. But that segment dwindles.

In 2016, nearly 15 percent of women ages 40-44 hadn’t given birth and were childless, up from 10 percent in 1976, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. A 2013 report from AARP projects that by 2040, about 21 percent of the older, disabled population will be childless.

The number of childless older people in the UK expects to double by 2030, putting huge pressure on a health and social care system that is already struggling to support the vulnerable, warned Kirsty Woodard, founder of the Ageing Well Without Children.

Older adults strapped with money insecurity now take on another challenge, paying for personal care at home.

If you’re in this situation, have you thought about how you will find help and support in the years ahead? The members in my group talk about it a lot. But it’s not just the child free individuals who worry about it, so do women with children, because many live hundreds of miles apart or have estranged relationships.

It’s a huge issue that we must address. The last thing you want to face is a medical emergency or event without a plan.

In a study conducted in my Facebook group by an academic professor revealed other factors for individuals to think about:

  • To identify a caregiver who would help if you became ill or disabled
  • To find a trusted person to help you cope with life’s challenges like medical and financial decisions
  • To have access to someone in case there’s a crisis
  • To find people to socialize with you to avoid loneliness
  • To mitigate your chances of developing chronic conditions

When you make a plan to tackle these issues, then you’re less confused and uncertain about handling them in the coming years.

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Aging

Is it Possible to Prepare for the Future?

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

Most seniors have not saved enough money for retirement much less compiled a carefully thought out plan for the future. In total, more than 40% of households headed by people aged 55 through 70 lack sufficient resources to maintain a living standard in retirement, a Wall Street Journal analysis concluded. That is around 15 million American households.

According to an article in the Wall Street Journal, Americans aged 60 through 69 had about $2 trillion in debt in 2017, an 11% increase per capita from 2004, according to New York Federal Reserve data adjusted for inflation. They had $168 billion in outstanding car loans in 2017, 25% more per capita than in 2004. They had more than six times as much student-loan debt in 2017 than they did in 2004, Fed data show.

What woke me up to the threat of not planning ahead was family caregiving. I experienced first hand the effects of growing old watching my parents evolve in the latter stages. However, they had offspring to depend on.

After those years of looking out for them, I realized there will be no one for me who I can count on for help since I’m single and child free. That’s when I got on the stick and came up with a plan that set me on the right track: to become healthier, to move to a connected and walkable urban area, and to find nearby support and friendships.

Caring for a loved one is an awakening time for most family members. It’s when people understand the difficulties of growing older by seeing their parents or older relatives deal with heart problems while others confront dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. Observing decline is heart wrenching and especially difficult for the elder. Caregivers thought parents are invincible but soon find the contrary.

If you are in the early stages of preparation, consider:

  • Your home may be easy for you to navigate and comfortable for you now, but think about how that may change when you get older. A big house with lots of stairs to climb may present a serious challenge if you have a health or physical challenge.
  • Draw up legal documents: a will, a living will, a healthcare proxy and a power of attorney.
  • Find a trustworthy person or family you can depend on for support and care. Work out a payment strategy and put it in writing. Get legal advice before implementing a plan. An elder law attorney can steer you in the right direction. Perform a comprehensive due diligence on the strategy and the person(s) before signing anything.
  • Hire a chronic care advocate if you live with a prolonged medical condition, preferably an attorney specializing in elder law.
  • Eat fresh, healthy foods.
  • Keep your brain sharp by getting involved.
  • Volunteer and help those in need.

 

Start looking ahead and plan for the future. I’m making it easy for you with my new FREE webinar, The 3 Strategies of Future Planning. Here’s the link to sign up: https://www.carolmarak.com/email-capture

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Why Seniors Isolate
Aging

Why Seniors Isolate

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

There’s a growing concern that seniors in retirement are not actively involved and it puts them at risk for chronic conditions. Social isolation and loneliness among older adults are linked to depressive symptoms, poor cognitive functioning, disrupted sleep, lack of physical activity, and impaired mental health-all of which have implications for increased mortality.

Other risks include a weakened immune system, increased use of emergency services, early admittance to a nursing home, and frequent falls.

In 2018, an academic researcher asked 550 seniors in a Facebook group who frequently discuss feeling isolated, “What are your reasons for being socially inactive? Is it lack of transportation and budget? Is it because you don’t know about the local options and groups that can keep you connected? Or maybe it’s because it takes too much effort to build relationships? What do you fear most about being lonely and disconnected?” Here are a few stories she heard:

“I suspect I will feel more isolated after retirement. I live in a rural area, although there is a town 18 miles away and a city 25 miles away, so I can find activities in one place or the other. The complete lack of public transportation is a serious concern–if you can’t drive, you can’t go to the grocery store! I like living alone, with cats, but I also like doing things with friends. I do worry what would happen if I became physically disabled.”

“Most of my real friends moved closer to children and grandchildren. I have also moved several times. I have had health problems for over 20 years and one of those is chronic fatigue. It takes all my energy to keep up with the basics. Somewhere along the line I went from a gregarious extrovert to being lonely. Keeping the balls in the air is all I seem to do. Public transportation wouldn’t make much difference in my town. And budgets truly limit what entertainment, or help I can afford.”

“Putting energy into building yet another round of new relationships is becoming less attractive to me. Over the years and through multiple moves and career shifts, I have lost track of schoolmates, work buddies, former neighbors, and extended family. I have been able to reconnect with a few of them through Facebook, but they don’t live nearby.”

“Budget, transportation, and health are the main causes of my isolation. I had to give up driving because of severe glaucoma. Also, having a rare autoimmune disease makes me exhausted most of the time. Trips outside my apartment are to Dr’s appointments and grocery shopping. My only family is one son who lives in another city, and I rarely hear from him or his children.”

Do you isolate and are you lonely? What do you do about it when feeling disconnected? If you care to share your story, send me an email to Carol@Seniorcare.com.

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Aging

How Faith Communities Can Help Isolated Seniors

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

This past week, I spent time attending presentations and workshops at the 2019 Aging in America Conference that was held in New Orleans. I had the privilege speaking on behalf of the growing demographic, solo agers. Those of us who live alone with no nearby support.

The focus of the presentation was, Communion in Community, and more directed how faith organizations take on the needs of the isolated and lonely.

I met many impressive faith leaders who are forming fantastic programs that help the older adults who have minimal support from the community.

These fragile, and lonely folks want to stay at home as long as they can, however, that wish and dream puts their safety and independence at risk. So, churches, synagogues, and mosques take on the task. They stand up in the presence of the aged, and show deep respect for the elderly by designing volunteer programs that give beyond the expected.

For the local faith leaders, there are mounting concerns about the older folks living in rural areas and suburbia because many go without needed services. Identifying the needs will ultimately keep aging residents out of hospitals and nursing homes.

Besides, as one ages, driving becomes a substantial barrier to a having a higher standard of living. Although, younger seniors have no issues with getting where they need to be. It affects the seniors who are in the worst health; they indicate that they have problems getting to a pharmacy and grocery store.

Organizations like these, have been and will continue to address the concerns.

Hospitals and faith communities working together

The worlds of medicine and faith speak different languages, often have different goals, and struggle to find common ground. Yet, I’ve found interesting examples where, by working together, they can improve the well-being of seniors in their communities.

Volunteer Training: Mother Angeline Ministries of Care – teaches volunteers in Vermont, New Hampshire, Florida, and New York City how to make pastoral visits and provide spiritual comfort to the dying.

Baltimore, the Johns Hopkins Bayview Medical Center trains faith-community lay health educators to identify potential medical conditions, help organize public health programming, and direct fellow congregants to community and medical resources.

North Carolina, Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center, four other hospitals, and 230 churches – formed FaithHealthNC, which trains and coordinates volunteers who provide individual assistance to high-risk populations, including older adults.

NCBAM – North Carolina Baptist Aging Ministry help adults in their journey aging at home and in the community.

It my belief that faith communities benefit from such arrangements. We know that many churches and synagogues struggle to attract and maintain members. Less than one-third attend weekly services. Yet, 9 of 10 people believe that religious institutions bring people together and strengthen community bonds. And congregations with engaged members, have better chances to grow.

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