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Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents
Aging

Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents

by Kathy Macaraeg
written by Kathy Macaraeg

Ideally, you want to ask all of these questions at once so that if your parents don’t have any of the documents, you can set an appointment with a family lawyer to take care of everything at once.
Are There Areas in Your Life Where You Need Help?
You should ask your aging parent this question frequently. Circumstances change. While they may not need assistance with anything today, that could change quickly tomorrow. If you are at a loss for what types of questions to ask, here are some suggestions:

  • Are you having trouble safely getting around the house?
  • Have you fallen or lost your balance recently?
  • Are you eating well? Do you need help getting healthy food?
  • Are you still comfortable driving?
  • Do you need me to bring you anything?
  • Is everything working properly?

You would be surprised by how many of my clients quietly struggled with the above issues because they didn’t want to bother their children or alert their children to their inability to live independently. In addition to asking these questions, you should be checking for signs of their abilities. Some signs include:

  • Frequent falls or bruising
  • Weight loss or trouble sleeping
  • An empty refrigerator or pantry or no “fresh” foods
  • They are not grooming in the same way or as frequently
  • Their mail or paperwork is piling up
  • They are forgetting appointments or important dates
  • They keep phone calls or visits short (so that you don’t notice any issues)

Do You Have an Advanced Medical Directive?
An advanced medical directive is a legal document in which a person specifies what actions should be taken for their health if they are no longer able to make decision for themselves because of illness or incapacity.
If they do, discuss what is on their advanced medical directive so that if an issue suddenly arises, you won’t have to waste time hunting for the documentation. If they don’t set up an appointment with a family law practitioner.
Do You Have a Healthcare Proxy or Durable Power of Attorney?
A healthcare proxy is a document with which a patient appoints an agent to legally make healthcare decisions on behalf of the patient, when he or she is incapable of making and executing decisions stipulated in the proxy.
Does Your Doctor Have Signed Consent Forms For Who Can Speak to Him/Her?
If you or a sibling want the opportunity to speak to your parent’s medical provider outside of attending their appointment, you need to be sure their doctor has a signed consent for that enables you to do so. Medical offices may have their own forms or they may be less formal and just need your parent to call and clear you. Check with your parent and their medical provider.
Do You Have a Financial Power of Attorney?
A Financial Power of Attorney authorizes someone to act on your behalf in financial matters. This is a difficult topic to bring up as your aging parent may be concerned that he or she will lose control of their finances. You also need to be cautious about who is given this role as there is a risk that in the wrong hands, their money can be mismanaged or worse.
On the other hand, if your aging parent is struggling to stay on top of his or her bills or has reduced cognitive function that makes it impossible to make financial decisions, it is critical that someone steps in to help with finances. Of note, it is important that your aging parent make this decision while he or she has the cognitive ability to do so, which is why you want to have the discussion early.
At What Point Is Aging in Place No Longer Feasible for You?
Everyone wants to age in place. There are very few people who want to leave their family home to move into a communal living environment. Unfortunately, it isn’t possible for everyone to age in place.
Take the time to discuss with your aging parent at what point – if there is a point – they would consider assisted living. If they are completely against moving into assisted living, what are their preferences and is it in their financial control. Would your aging parent prefer moving in with family? Is that even an option? Would their preference be round-the-clock caregiving services?
There may become a point where it truly isn’t an option to age in place. They may not be ambulatory. They may be ill. They may need round the clock care which is out of the budget. If they do need to move into a facility, what type of environment is most preferable?
——
None of these conversations are pleasant, yet they are all important to ensuring your parent’s end of life care is what he or she would want. Jumping into caregiving as a result of illness or an injury is stressful.
If at all possible, you want to have caregiving discussions with your aging parents early and often. You never know when circumstances will change and you don’t want to have conflict with your aging parent over his or her care, or with a sibling or family member.
Lastly, use the resources of Senior.com. They specialize in helping people age in their home longer by providing fall prevention products like lift chairs, walkers or rollators, canes and Stander products.

Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents

Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents Topics to Discuss with Aging Parents

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How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care
Aging

How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care

by Richard Bitner
written by Richard Bitner

As our parents grow older, adult children play a bigger and bigger role in their care and well-being. That can mean playing a bigger role in their physical, mental, and emotional health. Unfortunately, this can be difficult if you are unable to speak with your parent’s physician. So, if you’re starting to play a bigger role in your parent’s elderly care, you will likely want to establish lines of communication between yourself and your parent’s physician. How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care
Talking with an elderly parent’s doctor can be a complicated legal and medical situation. But when you’ve taken the necessary steps, it makes elderly care much, much easier. Here are the steps you’ll need to take to establish those lines of communication, along with some tips for how to engage with your loved one’s physician. How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care

Obtaining Legal Authorization

Physicians are legally obliged to keep a person’s medical information private. While some physicians will share information with a patient’s verbal permission, many feel uncomfortable doing so without written authorization.
If your loved one wants to retain their own medical power of attorney, your loved one can create a document that gives his or her physician permission to share medical information with a specific person or persons. A copy of this document must be supplied to your loved one’s physician. If your loved one wishes to give you or another member of your family medical power of attorney, you will need to follow the proper legal procedure for doing so.
It is always a good idea to let other members of your family know when medical authorization is being granted to another person. This can help avoid confusion about who is handling your parent’s health, and can prevent arguments around important health care decisions.

What to Do on Doctor’s Visits

Taking a leadership role in your parent’s medical care is not a decision you should take lightly. Once you’ve made the decision, you will become an advocate for your parent’s health and well-being. That means attending doctor’s visits with your parent, acquiring all the information you can about your parent’s medical history and current condition, and asking questions on behalf of your parent to get them the care they deserve.
When your parent has a doctor’s appointment, join them and make sure you come prepared. If your loved one has specific medical concerns, take notes beforehand and prepare a list of questions you would like answered. You may wish to speak with other family members or your parent’s elderly care provider to see if they have noticed any changes in your loved one’s condition or behavior.
One of the best things that you can do is start a notebook to keep track of your parent’s medical information. A notebook is an excellent tool that can be used to record things you notice about your parent’s condition at home, write questions for your parent’s physician in advance, and record information given by your parent’s physician.

Common Questions for Your Parent’s Doctor

The best way to get the information you need from your parent’s doctor is to ask smart questions. While the questions you ask will depend on your loved one’s condition and diagnosis, here are a few common and basic questions that you should keep in mind when speaking to your loved one’s physician:

  • Can you explain the diagnosis in more detail?
  • Does my parent need to see another medical professional or specialist?
  • Will my parent need to change their routine?
  • Is my parent at further risk of injury or illness due to their condition?
  • How will this impact my parent’s elderly care program?
  • Are there any specific signs or symptoms we should look out for?
  • How often should medication be taken and in what dosage?
  • What should we do if my parent misses a dose or takes an extra dose on accident?
  • Are there any side effects we should expect from the medication(s)?
  • How soon should my parent have their next appointment?

Share Information with Family & Elderly Care Providers

If you have important information about your loved one’s health, you may want to consider sharing it with other family members and/or elderly care providers. Providing family and elderly care workers with this information can make it easier for them to look after your parent. However, it’s important that you check with your loved one first before sharing private information. There may be information that your loved one doesn’t want shared with family or their elderly care provider. Unless this could put them in danger, it is important to respect their wishes.
Find out about elderly care services in your area by contacting your local Visiting Angels. Get started by contacting your local Visiting Angels office.

How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care

How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care How to Talk to an Elderly Parent’s Doctor About Care

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What Aging Parents Want from their Kids
Aging

What Aging Parents Want from their Kids

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

What Aging Parents Want From Their Kids and How It Can Help Develop A Care Plan

It always hard when you have to take care of your parents. All those years of being raised and cared for by them make it difficult to reverse roles. But like it or not, it’s a part of life. What Aging Parents Want from their Kids
Fortunately, we’re here to help. We’ve put together a list of what aging parents want from their kids, and how it might help you to develop an effective simple care plan.

1. Be there to offer help when they need it, not all the time.

The challenge with parents as they get older is the conflicting feelings they have towards their kids.
On the one hand, they want their kids to leave them alone, to let them lead their lives as they see fit.
At the same time, older parents know that they can’t do everything themselves. Even if they could, it’s nice to have someone help you if they need to.
So, what does this mean for what aging parents want from their kids? It means that having a plan can reduce a lot of the pressure and stress. With a care plan, you know when your parents need your help, and your parents know when to expect it.

2. They don’t want to feel assessed.

It can be hard to understand your parents as they get older. However, one thing that is made clear again and again is that as people get older, they feel more and more frustration at feeling assessed.
Especially by their family!
For starters, it’s embarrassing. They don’t want you to have to do everything for them. Second, it makes them feel like they’re losing control. And as we all get older, we struggle more and more with the feeling of control.
Finally, no matter how old your parents get, they’re always going to be your parents. They’re never going to get used you assessing them, just like they did when they were raising you.

3. Want to know what aging parents want from their kids most? To be treated as your parents.

As simple as it might seem, it’s what they want most of all. It’s easy to forget that your parents are, well, still your parents. They’re always going to be your parents.
Before they started getting older, they had careers, passions, hobbies. They were experts in their field, had friends, and of course, raised you.
If you want a good relationship with your parents as they get older and require more care, this is the number one thing to remember – they weren’t always sick.
As much as you can, try and treat them like they were and (in some cases) not how they are.

Now that you know what aging parents want from their kids…

There are plenty of struggles to face as your parents get older, not the least of which is trying to understand what aging parents want from their kids.
Hopefully, we’ve helped you understand how best to help them, and how having a care plan might be the solution you’re looking for.
Have you got more questions about taking care of your folks? We’ve got answers. Get in touch now to explore your options. What Aging Parents Want from their Kids

What Aging Parents Want from their Kids

What Aging Parents Want from their Kids

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How is Sign Language Helping People with Dementia?
Healthy Living

6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia

by Silverado
written by Silverado

In spending time with loved ones with dementia, you may find yourself wanting to explore new ways to document or make the most of your time spent together. Cherishing special moments are essential to managing and balancing some of the inevitable disorientation your loved one may be living with. We encourage our friends, family, staff and residents at Silverado with these ways to make individual moments matter. 6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia

1. Have a lunch date

Sometimes the best way to spend time with our loved one is for a meal to catch up. Dinner plans may feel like an end-of-day routine obligation after a long day, and lunchtime usually guarantees good weather, and the rendezvous can be a midday pick-me-up. 6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia

2. Listen to music

Music is not only therapeutic but also takes us on an emotional journey. A song can bring back nostalgia, or start an impromptu dance party — both excellent ways to release inhibitions.

3. Start a memory jar

Simply start writing favorite memories or notes on special stationery and start collecting them in a special box or jar. It’s good practice to write a new one every day, and read an old memory every day, bringing you a new sense of appreciating fleeting moments and new ones. 6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia

4. Document using Instagram

With social media in most of our hands today, it’s only appropriate to create an online picture diary on Instagram. It’s the best way to share our greatest news, favorite #TBT’s or day-to-day activities with the online community of friends and family around the world. Use hashtag #SilveradoStory to share with our Silverado family.

5. Have a creative outlet

Creative self-expression such as painting or writing is beneficial for improving motor skills and cognitive thinking. They can also potentially turn into a new hobby or passion. Encourage your loved one to be involved with hands-on activities, like journaling to unleash an inner storyteller, or learning a new instrument to interact with other fellow beginners.

6. Send a postcard

Getting snail mail is a rare yet still treasured feeling. You can send postcards to loved ones, or even send postcards to yourselves from each city you visit for an instant scrapbook or memento from your trip.
6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia 6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia 6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia

6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia

6 Ways To Connect When Loved One has Dementia

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Organizing Care for an Aging Loved One
Caregiving

Putting Your Older Parent in a Home

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

The time has come. You made the decision to put your older parent in a nursing home or assisted living facility. You didn’t necessarily want to do it, but you know deep down inside it’s best. Why do you feel so guilty and sad about it, though? How to Deal with Putting Your Older Parent in a Home
The answer lies in how you’re dealing with the decision of putting your older parent in a home. Even though it may be the best decision for your mom or dad, it’s what you’re thinking and believing about yourself that matters. How to Deal with Putting Your Older Parent in a Home

Not Good Enough

Many people who decide to put their older parent in a home feel as though they are just not good enough to care for their mom or dad adequately. They usually don’t have the time or feel they don’t have the skills.
Just because you believe you aren’t good enough doesn’t mean that you’re not. Actually, you probably are giving your mom and dad just the right amount and quality of care needed. You may be too hard on yourself.

Lazy

You may feel as though you are lazy. While you want to care for your older parent, a part of you really doesn’t want the work that comes along with it.
There’s nothing wrong with this because it is a lot of work. Caregiving is demanding – phsysically, emotionally, and mentally.
You are NOT lazy just because you have decided you don’t want to devote all of your spare time to taking care of your parent. You are choosing to protect the relationship you have with your parent, by not ruining it with resentment when you feel as though you’ve had enough after a long day of caregiving.

Selfish

You may feel as though you are selfish. Taking care of your older parent may not fall into your schedule as nicely as you would like it to, so you feel guilty about not doing it. You don’t have to feel this way, and you are NOT selfish.
You are thinking of your older parent when you decide to put him or her in a home. You are trying to provide your mom or dad with a good place for them to live where they will have everything they need. If you were selfish, you would ONLY think of yourself, and wouldn’t care where they lived or how they cared for themselves.
Pat yourself on the back. You’re stepping up and caring for your older parents.

Beliefs

Some people have a belief they MUST care for their aging parents. They believe it makes them a bad person if they don’t do it. This is untrue.
You are not obligated to care for your parents. Sure, it’s a nice thing to do, but finding a safe, healthy home for your parent is also nice.
Not all beliefs people have are warranted. You made up that belief because you felt as though that’s what you should do – it’s not what you need to do. If you can remember that, a lot of the pressure you’re putting on yourself will be relieved.
Are you still feeling bad about putting your older parents in a home? I understand how hard it is for you. That’s why I work as a personal consultant. I help people just like you deal with situations such as this, so they feel better about themselves and their situation in life. Book a session with me now. We can tackle the feelings and thoughts you’re having, so you can feel good about yourself again.
How to Deal with Putting Your Older Parent in a Home How to Deal with Putting Your Older Parent in a Home How to Deal with Putting Your Older Parent in a Home How to Deal with Putting Your Older Parent in a Home

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Caregiving

Making The Most of Visits With Aging Parents

by Kathy Macaraeg
written by Kathy Macaraeg

Do These Simple Things to Ensure Your Aging Parents are Safe in their Home

Whether you visit your aging parents weekly or a few times a year, there are certain safety issues you should walk for during your visits. Many times, during visits with family, we spend the entire visit in their living room and don’t see some of the safety hazards in the rest of their home. Making The Most of Visits With Aging Parents
While your aging parent may seem safe in his or her home, their mobility or balance can change quickly. Staying on top of their home safety is critical to helping them age in place for as long as possible. Here are some ways to maximize your visits with you aging parents so that you get quality time but also stay on top of their ability to safely live independently. Making The Most of Visits With Aging Parents

Leave the House

This may sound like an odd suggestion, but I worked with many families who visited their aging parent regularly and had no idea that their parent had a hard time getting out of the house. Whether your aging parent has front steps that don’t have a railing or use a walker that can’t be maneuvered down the steps, there are many hazards that make it difficult for a person with mobility challenges to safely exit their home.
Even if your parent is homebound, being able to exit the home is critical to their safety. What if there is a fire? What if they forget about their limitation and try to go out for a walk or get the mail. Are they able to exit and enter the house from all exits? You never know what situation could arise, so plan ahead to keep your aging parent safe.
While you are checking their ability to safely enter and exit their home, you should also take the opportunity to evaluate your parent’s driving. Perhaps you ask them to drive you to the grocery store or bakery for a treat. Riding in the car with them will give you a better perspective of their driving ability.

Cook Together

You won’t just get to learn your mother’s special pasta sauce recipe, you’ll also be able to see if she is safely able to maneuver her kitchen. Does she have the heavy pots on a high shelf? Help her find a new, easier location to store them. Are the knobs on the stove difficult to turn on/off due to arthritis? Look into new knobs or a hack to help make it easier to use.
While you’re in the kitchen, check the refrigerator for old or expired food and the food supply, in general. Is the refrigerator bare? Why? Does your parent have a hard time getting out to shop or is he/she becoming forgetful about stocking necessities. I once worked with a woman who had dementia who bought soda every time we went to the store, but she never actually drank soda. She had six packs stacked in her pantry. Do you see any oddities that were never an issue before?
Do a little digging to find out why. It may be that your parent struggles with carrying groceries into the house, so isn’t able to buy much. You may want to consider setting up online grocery delivery, or at minimum, delivery of heavier pantry items.

Allow Them to Host You

Sometimes, when we see our parents looking more frail, our instinct is to jump in and do everything. It is a wonderful gesture, but the problem is, you can’t be sure of their capabilities if you don’t watch them operate independently in their own home. Let your parent set the table, turn off the stove, clear the table (with your help of course!).
Watch to see if they are struggling with any tasks. You may be able to come up with solutions together on how to simplify tasks or you may need to consider bringing help into their home.

Get One Step Ahead

While you’re there, look for safety risks or fall risks and work with your parent to address them. You can also take a look at the following household tasks that they may need help with:

  1. Are there any burned out light bulbs? Change them while you are visiting so that your parent won’t attempt to do it on his/her own.
  2. Is the season changing? If so, ask your parent if they have blankets or clothing that is stored up high that they may need help bringing down.
  3. Are tall bookshelves strapped to the wall? You may want to consider using earthquake furniture straps so that they are secure. If your parent trips and grabs a bookshelf to stop their fall, you want to be sure they are nicely secured to the wall and don’t come down on top of them.
  4. If they are reaching for books or items on high shelves, make sure they have a sturdy step ladder with a handrail – and that they actually use it!

What other things can you think of to make a pre-emptive “strike” to ensure your parent is making dangerous decisions?
Making The Most of Visits With Aging Parents Making The Most of Visits With Aging Parents Making The Most of Visits With Aging Parents

Making The Most of Visits With Aging Parents

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#AgingVoices building awareness on local senior issues
Aging

#AgingVoices Building Awareness on Local Senior Issues

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

Recently, I launched a campaign called #AgingVoices. It started from discussions in a Facebook group for folks who age at home alone with little support from family. I started the group a year ago thinking there’s got to be others in my predicament–over 55, without adult children and a spouse or partner. I hit a jackpot because people joined in droves. #AgingVoices building awareness on local senior issues
Every day a new set of concerns and worries become the hot topic/s for the group. And for solo agers, it’s comforting to know there are others like us. So, the group is a comfort for many. Some common worries are affordable housing, transportation, health care costs, work and isolation. Of course there are other worries that individuals share like, “I fear I’ll die alone and no one will notice.” That one is horrific but very real. #AgingVoices building awareness on local senior issues
Overall, we mostly worry about getting around, staying fit and healthy, and paying our bills.
That’s why I launched a campaign to fight for our aging concerns and needs, and I’m calling it #AgingVoices. The plan is to interview city and state officials and even business leaders asking for their ideas, thoughts and action plans for the “near term” on helping older residents live better. Here are the specific questions: #AgingVoices building awareness on local senior issues
Housing – What are city planners doing to increase easy to find housing for seniors and to make that HOUSING MORE AFFORDABLE?
Transportation – Seniors need to get around. What are they doing to address this?
Financial – What type of jobs does the area have for seniors, what new ideas/opportunities do older adults have to work?
Social/Activities – What social activities, organizations, etc. are available for seniors to help deal with isolation, become more involved and offer value to the community?
Healthcare – What health care assistance/accessibility plans making it easier for aging in place strategies?
However, if you stop to think about it, these are the same worries every American has no matter the age. It’s the reason so many came out and voted this year. They’re worried sick about keeping a job, paying bills, affording health care, staying healthy, etc. But for older adults, the worries hit home harder. But as the aging population doubles over the next decades, the problems will multiply.
I think we need to take a stand and let our voices be heard — especially about the worrisome issues we face because one day each one of us will be old and probably worried about finding a ride to the doctor’s office.
If you’re game, I’d like to hear from you. What does your #AgingVoices declare? What are the greatest concerns you face? Here’s mine: “I worry that I’ll get old and stuck having little support and access to social connections in the suburbs.” Yes, it’s called isolation and the biggest reason for depression and chronic illnesses.
If this is important to you, please follow #AgingVoices, @Seniorcarequest @Carebuzz, and like us on Facebook. Check out and subscribe to our YouTube channel — the place to watch interviews. Remember, it’s all about making America a better place to age for all, especially the older family members we love and cherish. #AgingVoices building awareness on local senior issues

#AgingVoices building awareness on local senior issues

#AgingVoices building awareness on local senior issues #AgingVoices building awareness on local senior issues #AgingVoices building awareness on local senior issues #AgingVoices building awareness on local senior issues #AgingVoices building awareness on local senior issues

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You Need a Caregiving Team for Everyone’s Well-being
Caregiving

You Need a Caregiving Team for Everyone’s Well-being

by Kathy Macaraeg
written by Kathy Macaraeg

Stepping in as a caregiver for a loved one is noble. It is selfless and kind and compassionate. Caregiving is also incredibly isolating. Caregivers get so stuck in the day-to-day care that they struggle to keep it all together and rarely have time to find support and reach out. You Need a Caregiving Team for Everyone’s Well-being
While it is difficult to figure out what caregiving support you need and reach out to family and friends for help, it is critical to your mental and physical health. Don’t try to carry the whole burden of caregiving yourself. You need to speak out and ask for help. Sometimes, people don’t know what help to offer, so they don’t jump in. If you are clear with your needs, it can be easier for others to help.
In order to build a support network, you will need to know what activities you can get help with and who can share the load. Make a list of the activities you do in a day and week and what can be done by someone other than yourself. It may feel like you are the only person who can provide care, but there are many things someone else can do that won’t alter your loved one’s care. You don’t need to be the one to grocery shop or drive them to the senior center. You Need a Caregiving Team for Everyone’s Well-being
Here are some areas where you can bring in support:

  • Look into adult day care centers, respite care centers and other community services that could give you a break from your caregiving duties. If these options are too expensive, you can consider a trade with a fellow caregiver or enlist a friend or family member.
  • Ask a friend or neighbor for help with shopping or running errands. Perhaps they can pick up items for you while they are on their own errands. If you don’t ask, they won’t know you need them.
  • Join a support group where you can discuss ideas and frustrations with other caregivers. You may meet someone to do care trades with, or just have the opportunity to speak with people who understand exactly what you are going through. If you can’t go in person, there are online support groups you can join.
  • Seek out community resources that might give you a break.
  • Have a back-up person and plan in the event that you are sick or away. Once you have a back-up person, take a little time for yourself to make sure your system works, and to get much-needed respite. Even if you just stay one night in a local hotel, it will do you a world of good.
  • Set up a transportation system. You don’t need to be your caree’s personal taxi service. There are a number of options from friends and family to community options and private services like Taxis, Uber, Lift and local services. Figure out the types of transportation your parent needs and who can provide rides. For example, many senior centers have a free shuttle for residents. There are also city transportation services for things like trips to the grocery store or bank. If you set up a network of options, you will take a huge load off your plate.
  • Are there younger family members who you can include in the caregiving role? They can help with laundry or entertaining their grandparent. I knew a family who had their high school age daughter stay with grandma during school breaks. They cooked together, did puzzles and enjoyed each other’s company. It was wonderful for both of them.

Get creative. Think of what gets done in the day and how you can delegate some of the tasks or find shortcuts.

You Need a Caregiving Team for Everyone’s Well-being

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Tips for those grieving and those who wish to help
Aging

When Incapacity Happens in Your Family

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

What does Dad want? Have you asked? How about Mom? Does anyone know what her wishes are? Has anyone asked her? And is anyone really listening to what they are saying? When Incapacity Happens in Your Family

Life can turn on a dime. Incapacity happens. Wouldn’t it be better to take some time now to get prepared? There is no time like the present to ask questions and get some answers. It’s never too late until it really is too late!
Engaging in conversations about what to do in the event of incapacity or death and formulating a plan ahead of any crisis situation is a winning combination. Talking about the “what if’s” now will help diffuse and negate the possibility of a terrible outcome during a difficult situation. When Incapacity Happens in Your Family
In case you have been busy enjoying the summer and not taken time to be up with the news, there’s a movement afoot. It will change the current absence of meaningful and necessary conversations. End-of-life conversations will soon become an integral part of exchanges between doctors, patients, caregivers and family members when it matters most. Why the changing tide? Medicare will reimburse physicians for their time spent having these important discussions with their patients and family members. One’s end-of-life wishes will soon become an integral part of the conversation when you visit your doctor for an annual check up or if you end up in a hospital in a crisis situation.
There will be no more excuses for ignoring the pleas from patients and families to be “heard” when end-of-life decisions are first and foremost on their minds. We’ve all heard stories about family conflicts and family tragedies – so isn’t it better to have these conversations well in advance of a crisis?
The ending of Bobby Kristina Brown’s life exemplifies a worse case scenario – the losing combination of a lack of prior conversations, the lack of any clear planning, the added complications of a blended family, and no person “in charge” of handling the life changing event.
Time is often of the essence. Asking Mom and Dad to communicate their wishes is a priceless gift to you. Telling them your wishes is your gift to them too! Bobby Kristina Brown’s situation reminds us that these kinds of events can and do happen at any age.
Think about it. Talk to your parents, your spouse, your physician, and your adult children and make some of these difficult decisions now. Knowing your loved ones wishes and expressing you own will help alleviate the fear and the chaos of “what to do” when incapacity or death happens.

When Incapacity Happens in Your Family

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