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Aging

End of Life Planning Part 2

by Kylie Johnson
written by Kylie Johnson

Planning a Memorial

As your loved ones age, it’s important to know how they want to be memorialized and buried.

While many people still prefer solemn, formal funerals or mourning ceremonies, others are beginning to lean more towards parties and celebrations of life.

Knowing the kind of memorialization that your loved one wants will take the decision making off your shoulders when the time comes to carry out their wishes. Detailing these wishes as part of a legal document will ensure that your loved one is honored and memorialized as they want.

If you’re concerned about the cost of funerals, create a funeral plan at a funeral home. You can work with the funeral home to prepay for all funeral costs, so your family is not burdened with the responsibility of figuring out how they’ll pay for your loved one’s funeral.

How to do it

Find your state on this list from the Funeral Consumers Alliance. Depending on your state’s law, you may be able to make a legally binding document guaranteeing that your loved one’s wishes are carried out. Some states grant the health care proxy (named in the advance health care directive) the power to make funeral decisions for the deceased.

Distributing wealth and assets

According to the AARP, 60 percent of U.S. adults don’t have a will. Without this proof of your loved one’s financial wishes, control of their assets goes to the state they live in, which will distribute it among their family per state law.

A last will and testament solidifies your loved one’s wishes for how their property and wealth gets distributed after their death. Not having a will to go by can leave family members feeling slighted and resentful at their share of the loved one’s assets.

If they want to donate to a cause, a business or a university, the will can accomplish that. A will may also state that the deceased wants to establish a charitable trust in their name, distributing out their money over time to certain individuals.

Getting your loved one’s financial affairs in order will decrease the stress that the family has to feel later.

How to do it

Talk to a lawyer about setting up your last will and testament. Come with ideas on:

  • Who your loved one’s executor will be
  • Who your loved one’s beneficiaries will be
  • What your loved one wants to leave to them
  • Guardians for their minor children if they have any
  • Two witnesses who will attest to watching your loved one sign the will
 

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Caregiving

Incapacity Happens

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

What does Dad want? Have you asked? How about Mom? Does anyone know what her wishes are? Has anyone asked her? And is anyone really listening to what they are saying? Incapacity Happens

Life can turn on a dime. Incapacity happens. Wouldn’t it be better to take some time now to get prepared? There is no time like the present to ask questions and get some answers. It’s never too late until it really is too late!

Engaging in conversations about what to do in the event of incapacity or death and formulating a plan ahead of any crisis situation is a winning combination. Talking about the “what if’s” now will help diffuse and negate the possibility of a terrible outcome during a difficult situation.

In case you have been busy and not taken time to be up with the news, there’s a movement afoot. It will change the current absence of meaningful and necessary conversations. End-of-life conversations will soon become an integral part of exchanges between doctors, patients, caregivers and family members when it matters most. Why the changing tide? Medicare will reimburse physicians for their time spent having these important discussions with their patients and family members. One’s end-of-life wishes will soon become an integral part of the conversation when you visit your doctor for an annual check-up or if you end up in a hospital in a crisis situation.

There will be no more excuses for ignoring the pleas from patients and families to be “heard” when end-of-life decisions are first and foremost on their minds. We’ve all heard stories about family conflicts and family tragedies – so isn’t it better to have these conversations well in advance of a crisis?

The ending of Bobby Kristina Brown’s life exemplifies a worst-case scenario – the losing combination of a lack of prior conversations, the lack of any clear planning, the added complications of a blended family, and no person “in charge” of handling the life-changing event.

Time is often of the essence. Asking Mom and Dad to communicate their wishes is a priceless gift to you. Telling them your wishes is your gift to them too! Bobby Kristina Brown’s situation reminds us that these kinds of events can and do happen at any age.

Think about it. Talk to your parents, your spouse, your physician, and your adult children and make some of these difficult decisions now. Knowing your loved ones wishes and expressing you own will help alleviate the fear and the chaos of “what to do” when incapacity or death happens.

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Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with Parents
Aging

Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with Parents

by Barbara Bates Sedoric
written by Barbara Bates Sedoric

Whether you plan ahead or you’re thrown into a situation due to a sudden health crisis, end-of-life conversations are never easy. Couple that with trying to initiate these conversations with your aging parents. End-of-Life talks can be excruciatingly delicate and sometimes difficult. One must simultaneously tread lightly, yet boldly. Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with Parents

Here are some basic guidelines to help prepare for these very important and personal discussions. Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with Parents

Start now Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with Parents

If you think it’s difficult to find the time today, it could be much harder. Imagine what it will be like trying to discuss end-of-life matters with your mom when she is gravely ill, incapacitated, or worse. Imagine what would happen if she were no longer here to have these conversations. In other words, don’t wait. Your parents are likely the healthiest they will be today.

Pick a comfortable spot, both mentally and physically

Do not bring your mother (or father) to the local Applebee’s to have this type of conversation. She does not want to discuss her personal matters while enjoying a meal in a restaurant. We suggest initiating this talk at your parents’ home, where they are most comfortable and it’s private.

Do your homework Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with Parents

Before initiating this meeting, prepare a list of questions to help your parent. We suggest referring to one of the many checklists in The LastingMatters Organizer. You may think of the basics (ie. whether they prefer a traditional graveyard burial or they wish to be cremated). However, you may be overlooking dozens of other considerations that you haven’t thought about.

Be straight and be clear

Ease into the conversations by first letting your parent(s) know that you honestly don’t want to broach end-of-life subjects. However, it is best for everyone involved to be prepared in advance for any kind of future life-changing event – incapacity, dementia or death. Remind them that a feeling of accomplishment comes from the knowledge that their affairs are in order. With their wishes articulated, affirm that their intentions will be honored. Help your parent(s) understand that these conversations are tough for all involved, but these conversations are also the right thing to do. Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with Parents

Give yourself, and your parents, a break

When discussing end-of-life matters with a loved one, often the biggest concern is how to make your parent(s) most comfortable in tackling these important decisions. This is not going to be a one time conversation and will take time for your parents to consider and organize their wishes. Take breaks from these discussions, but be sure to revisit topics. Continue to gather the information that will be needed, and wanted, when something happens. Easier said than done, right?

This is by no means an all-inclusive list, but it will help you ignite a conversation.

Initiating End-Of-Life Conversations with ParentsWhile you, and/or your parents, may have your own checklists, referring to The LastingMatters Organizer as a comprehensive tool and resource will make the task and the conversations easier.

If for any reason your parents choose not to engage in these conversations with you, you can simply ask them to quietly fill out the Organizer. The information they can provide you will be a gift to you in the future – when it matters most.

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