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How to Know When to Bring in a Paid Caregiver

by Kathy Macaraeg
written by Kathy Macaraeg

Not everyone will eventually need family or paid caregivers. Many people are independent and care for themselves all the way up to the end. Some people may just need a little bit of help from their loved ones to keep them independent while others need a lot of help and support as they age.

If you have an aging loved one who isn’t able to remain independent, it can be overwhelming and stressful, no matter how strong your relationship is. Once you add in the stress of managing your own life, particularly if you are still working or are also parenting children, being a family caregiver is not for the weak.

Of course, if you are fortunate enough to have siblings who you can share responsibilities with, or a strong caregiver network, you are already ahead of the game. You can also outsource some tasks like cleaning or even meal preparation. But sometimes, even with support and delegation, you may still need to hire a paid caregiver.

How do you know when it’s time to hire a paid caregiver?

Signs Your Aging Parent Needs a Caregiver

First and foremost, know that your parent needs a paid caregiver if providing care to your loved one is affecting your physical or emotional health. Don’t feel guilty about this. You can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself. Maybe you need a break a few hours a week or you need to take two weeks off. Find the right person and step away to take care of yourself. You’ll be a much better caregiver if you put your needs first.

Here are other signs it maybe be time for a paid caregiver:

  1. Physical Changes: If your aging parent has lost a considerable amount of weight or has taken a lot of falls, you may want to hire a paid caregiver to prepare meals and ensure your parent is safe at home.
  2. Decreased Mobility: If your aging parent has a difficult time moving around his/her home, you may want to hire a paid caregiver to ensure he can safely move through his home. Decreased mobility may mean that your parent can’t safely bathe on his/her own or prepare meals. A caregiver can help with those things, as well as help your parent improve mobility through an exercise or strength building routine established by a physical therapist.
  3. Decline in Hygiene or Grooming: If your normally well-groomed parent is suddenly slacking on hygiene or grooming, it may be because he/she is unable to bathe/handle grooming. A paid caregiver can come in to assist with these tasks.
  4. Dirty or Cluttered Home: If your aging parent normally kept a neat home, they may be struggling to keep up with normal household chores. Perhaps they aren’t able to push the vacuum or get too tired standing at the sink for a long period of time. A paid caregiver can come in for a few hours a week to help them keep up on these chores.
  5. Sick or Weak: If your parent is battling an illness or isn’t physically strong, you may want to hire a paid caregiver to take care of some of the standard home chores that they need help with, as well as provide help with standard activities of daily living (bathing, dressing, grooming).

 

While some of these tasks can be delegated or divided amongst family members, sometimes it is important to bring in the pros – particularly when they need assistance with activities of daily living. Your aging parent may be embarrassed to have their adult child bathe them or assist with toileting or dressing. Bringing in a paid caregiver can help them preserve their dignity.

Paying for a Paid Caregiver

If part of your hesitation in bringing on a paid caregiver is the cost, there may be resources available to your family. If you haven’t done so, check out my Resources page for links to government programs available to seniors and caregivers.

Your parent may qualify for in home caregiving. I had a client who was very low income who was able to have a caregiver in her home for 20 hours per week through a federal program. You should also check with caregiving agencies. Some of them lower the hourly rate based on the amount of time you need a caregiver. So, for example, the rate may be $37 per hour but if you book 4 hours it can drop to $28 per hour.

If you haven’t already done this, reach out to your local senior center and Administration on Aging office. They may know of programs in your parent’s town that provide caregiving support to people like your parent. And of course, if your parent is a veteran, reach out to your local Veteran Administration office to find out if they have programs that provide caregivers.

There are options, but you may have to do a little digging to find them. It is definitely worth it to do your research.

 

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Caregiving

How to find Caregiving Support for Low Income Loved Ones

by Kathy Macaraeg
written by Kathy Macaraeg

Caregiving isn’t just emotionally and physically demanding. It can get expensive. On average, caregivers spend between $5,000 and $20,000 per year on caregiving expenses.

Between co-pays for medication or medical appointments to caregiving support or devices and equipment, the expenses add up quickly. This isn’t even including general housing and nutritional needs.

If you are lucky, your parent planned ahead or was employed by a company that offered a pension. If not, where do you turn to get assistance with the overwhelming costs?

National Resources For Low Income Seniors

While it may take time to get set up in the federal systems, it is well worth your time to get your parents into the system for support. Caregiving is a marathon, not a race. Most caregivers are in their role for 5 years. Taking the time to apply for programs that provide financial assistance will help you in the long run.

National Council on Aging Benefits Check Up: Visit this site to find out what federal programs are available to your aging parents.

Medicare: Visit this site to find out insurance benefits and programs available to your aging parents.

Department of Health and Social Services: Your local branch will have information on local services available to your aging parents.

Administration on Aging: Your local branch can help you access services in your community.

Meals on Wheels of America: this organization will provide your parents with one meal per day. There is a fee associated with this service, however, they have options for low income seniors.

Local Resources for Low Income Seniors

Once you’ve figured out what federal options are available to you, it’s time to turn to your local community. Every community is different, so there may be more options in your community.

Chamber of Commerce or Senior Center: Reach out to these organizations in your city or county for a list of low cost or volunteer services in your community. For example, I knew of a senior center that did free grocery shopping for the elderly in their community. The client had to pay for the groceries, but not for the shopping fee. My local senior center has a program where volunteers call home-bound elderly people to check in on them. Every community is different. Find out what is available in your community. Just taking one or two items off your list will give you a few hours back every week.

Local Churches: If your parent, or you, are a member of a church, reach out to the spiritual leader with your needs. There may be a group or person within the church who can assist with some of the challenges of caregiving. Even getting help with meal delivery or transportation could impact your budget. That’s one less meal you are preparing or one less ride you are paying for or taking time off work to do.

Local Youth Programs: If there are local service-oriented youth programs in your community, reach out to find out if they provide senior services. Perhaps they can assist with yardwork or errands. You don’t know if you don’t ask.

Your Parent’s Doctor: Reach out to your parent’s doctor’s office if you are struggling with covering the co-pay or prescription costs. There may be ways they can assist. Some pharmaceutical companies offer patient assistance. Your parent may also be able to take a generic prescription to lower the cost.

As someone who lives with a chronic condition, I know how expensive it can be to deal with healthcare expenses. Finding financial relief is time-consuming and you will feel like you are banging your head against the wall when you repeat the same information to the 45th person, but the long-term cost savings will be worthwhile. Additionally, bringing in support for certain tasks can free up a few hours here and there in your own schedule, giving you the opportunity to practice self-care, or at least take better care of yourself.

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Why Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than Ever
Caregiving

Caring for Someone Who Doesn’t Want Help

by Kathy Macaraeg
written by Kathy Macaraeg

Admitting you need help is hard. Especially when you used to be the one people went to for help. Suddenly, people are telling you what you should do or what you can’t do. Most seniors, regardless of what the outside looks like, still feel like their old selves, so when their adult children start treating them like a frail person who needs assistance, they can resist. Caring for Someone Who Doesn’t Want Help

So how can you respectfully help your independent mother or father accept help, whether from you or a hired caregiver, so that they can continue their independent lifestyle while remaining safe?

Transportation

If your elderly parent is no longer safe on the road, you’ll need to address transportation before it is addressed for you. Has your parent already had a few fender benders? That could be a sign that they may need to cut back on driving. If you are considering taking away the keys, you never want to go into this discussion empty handed.

Providing solutions for transportation so that a senior can see clearly that while they may no longer be driving, they can still enjoy all of their activities is critical in making the transition easier. Make sure you cover everything from trips to the grocery store to the hairdresser and lunch with friends. You don’t need to use one service to cover all of their needs. I find that the most successful seniors have a network of services they used so that they were never left stranded.

If cost is a concern for your senior parent, figure out the cost of operating their vehicle. It is probably very close to what they will pay for services and they will be much safer. The cost of a car accident is far higher than what they will spend on transportation. I had a client who sold her car and kept the cash from the sale to use for transportation so that she wasn’t dipping into her other funds for transportation. I’m not totally on board with keeping a big sum of cash at home, but it was an interesting way of managing her transportation costs.

Get Help at Home

It is extremely difficult to convince someone to allow a stranger into their home to perform tasks that they still want to do. My suggestion is to start slow and small. Perhaps your parent doesn’t need a daily caregiver, or actual caregiving tasks performed.

Sit down together and think about the types of things that would be nice to get help with. Is vacuuming challenging? Perhaps cleaning the toilets or shower and tub are becoming more difficult or dangerous. Working with your parent will help them feel like you’re not making decisions for them.
Does your parent need help with cleaning and food prep? Maybe just bring in a caregiver 2-3 times a week for a few hours to do housekeeping and help your parent prep food so that they can cook it when they are ready. I’ve even know families who hired a caregiver to do light cleaning and go for a walk with their parent so that they can get exercise outdoors safely.

If you start slowly and involve your parent, they will get used to having a bit of help around the house and the more help they need, the more willing they will be to accept it. Now, of course, this doesn’t work for everyone. I knew a woman who was so sweet to me and my drivers and it was shocking to see her interaction with her caregivers. She really hated having someone in her space, but sadly, she needed it. The best thing you can do in this situation is try to find the best fit for them. Maybe the first or second caregiver won’t be the right person for them, but the third might be just what they needed.

Outside Activities

Quite frankly, so long as your parent is physically and emotionally able to get out and be social, you should encourage it. I have noticed that my senior friends who had activities to look forward to were in much better emotional and physical health than those who only went out for medical visits. Social activity combats loneliness, which has been linked to mental and health problems.

Even if they have physical or cognitive limitations, finding ways to maintain their social activities is important to their overall well-being. You may need to enlist a companion or caregiver to participate in an activity with them, but whenever possible, they should stay active. I had a client with dementia who went to the gym multiple times per week because he truly enjoyed it. I also knew of a woman with dementia who played mah jong with a group of friends every week, with the help of her caregiver. We even took a woman in a wheelchair to the beach a few times a week to ride along the bike path. Find ways to make participation enjoyable, even if it isn’t the same as it was in the past.

Accepting a change in lifestyle is hard for anyone. Work together with your parents to find the best fit for them and show them that their opinions and decisions are valuable.Caring for Someone Who Doesn’t Want Help

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Caregiving

Handling the Emotional Side of Caregiving

by Kathy Macaraeg
written by Kathy Macaraeg

Most caregivers step up to the plate because they love their caree. Sometimes, the process of becoming a caregiver is slow as a parent begins the aging process and other times it happens quickly due to a fall or illness. One thing that many caregivers don’t anticipate is the many emotions they will experience as a caregiver.

While love enables us to do many hard things, sometimes, love isn’t enough – particularly if you are a caregiver for an extended period. While you love your caree, being a caregiver takes a lot out of you and putting your needs on the backburner for a long time doesn’t come without consequence.

It is important to acknowledge and accept that some of the feelings that come with caregiving can be negative. Many caregivers are embarrassed to express feelings of anger or frustration so they pretend they don’t exist or become angry with themselves for having those feelings.

Feelings of anger, sadness or frustration are just as acceptable as feelings of love and happiness. And while those feelings are common and nothing to be embarrassed about, it is important to find support and explore ways to work through those feelings. The longer you stew on your feelings, the worse they can become.

Handling Challenging Caregiver Emotions

If you are struggling with the emotional side of caregiving, there are things you can do for yourself to work through your emotions.

Free and Low Time Investment for Caregiver Emotional Support

If you are just starting out on your caregiving journey or are at the early stages of caregiver stress, investing a little bit of time in your emotional well-being now can save you from stress or depression later. Here are a few things you can do to support your emotional health.

  • Carve out time for yourself to practice self-care. Take time to care for your needs to reduce frustration and stress. Some self-care tactics you may want to consider include taking time for fitnessor maintaining a healthy diet.
  • Spend time with friends or loved ones other than your caree. If you’ve been so busy that you haven’t had time to see your friends, schedule some time with your friends or other family members. Make plans for a breakfast, lunch or dinner where you can spend some time replenishing your soul.
  • Focus on gratitude. Sometimes, when we’re going through a tough time, we forget to focus on the positives in our life. Start a gratitude journal to remind yourself of the things you have to be thankful for. Even on your worst day, you can be grateful that everyone woke up alive and has a roof over their head.
  • Join a support group. Being surrounded by others in the same boat can help you feel less isolated. It is also helpful to know that your feelings are common and nothing to be ashamed of. If you don’t have time to go to actual meetings (or you can’t find meetings near you), consider reaching out through social media. There are caregiver groups on Facebook and you can participate in Tweet chats with caregivers.
  • Learn a new skill, explore a new hobby or find something that brings you joy. Taking a little time to focus on something just for you can help make you feel like life is more “normal” again. It also helps you prepare for life after caregiving.

Serious Support for Caregiver Emotional Challenge

If you are experiencing significant emotional challenges, you may need to make a bigger time or financial investment. While you may feel that you don’t have time or money to “waste” on your emotional well-being, your emotional health is important. You should treat your emotional health as you treat your (or your caree’s) physical health. If you don’t address it now, you could be looking at more serious emotional challenges that can result in physical illness as well.

Long-term stress and depression can impact your physical health so they are not to be ignored. Sometimes, we need a bit more than a small pick me up to re-set our emotional well-being. If you’re in that boat, here are some things you can do to re-set.

  • Speak with your physician. If you are struggling with depression or anxiety resulting from caregiving, speak with your physician about your situation. He or she may suggest medication, talk therapy or a change to your diet or exercise routine.
  • Speak with therapist. Many times, the hardest part about getting help is admitting you need help, closely followed by actually starting the process. There is no shame in seeing a therapist to discuss your caregiving challenges. A therapist can help you find healthy coping methods so that you are better prepared for the challenges of your role. If you are a caregiver for a difficult person, it is even more important to seek help to adapt to your situation.
  • Hire help. Even if you have a tight budget, it may be necessary to your emotional well-being to outsource tasks or caregiving. Freeing up time can help you incorporate self-care into your routine, which can improve your overall well-being. You can also bring in a paid caregiver to assist with personal care or some activities of daily living that you don’t enjoy or your parent prefer you don’t perform. If you are on a limited budget, there may be resources available to your family.
  • Find a support group. I know I offer this as a solution above, but this is even more important if you are truly struggling. If you don’t know where to look for a support group, ask your loved one’s doctor, check your local hospital or medical center or do a Google search. If your loved one has a particular illness, reach out to their local association’s organization (think American Cancer Association, Diabetes Association, etc.) to find a local group.

 

Investing time in your emotional health is as important as investing in your (or your loved one’s) physical health. On average, caregivers spend between 5 – 10 years in their role. That’s a long time to put off caring for your needs.

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Caregiving

The Care Needs of Older Adults

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

The older segment living without the support of grown children, a spouse or partner continues to rise. Having few to depend on, other than a handful of friends, in many cases, the population has little to no personal support if and when illness strikes.

Local medical and healthcare organizations are more aware of the segment’s needs and address the older adult’s functional declines to better facilitate maintenance of the aging process. And we need more ways to assess the patient’s lifestyle.

For instance, the medical paperwork asks for marital status, age, illnesses, diseases, and symptoms. What it does not ask, “what is the living arrangement, emotional and financial support system, and if the patient has legal documents in order?”

If they did, I believe more individuals would plan before an emergency. Other insights to capture from older patients:

  • Who would you call if an emergency or crisis would occur?
  • Have you fallen in the past six months?
  • Do you have 3 or more chronic illnesses?
  • Do you take 5 or more medications?
  • Have you been hospitalized in the past three months?
  • Identify Cognitive and Functional Abilities
  • Do you need help with bathing, dressing, shopping, and paying bills?
  • Do you feel sad?
  • Are you lonely?
  • Do you drive?
  • Have you had a car accident in the last year?

 

Post hospital care is another problem. In a Facebook group for those aging alone, many members deal with surgeries and planning for post acute care. It’s a surprise to see the intelligent conversations around such difficult issues. You’d think we were patient advocates, not the actual patients!

Too often this segment goes unnoticed especially by providers and live silently in danger of a medical crisis. I hope to build more awareness for the group who is in need of protection, security, connection and support.

And even if you do have loved ones, who’s to say that they’ll be around when if you need them? Our society has changed so much. Today, family members move around the country taking new jobs or even new lives and experiences abroad, leaving an older parent to fend for herself. The U.S. Census (2010) estimates 27 percent of people 65 and over live alone /directory/#key-senior-statistics. Today, that number reaches closer to 30 percent.

Another significant risk is isolation. If a person lives in the suburbs, they have a higher danger and exposed to risks like poor health, restricted mobility, admission to institutional care, low morale, inadequate rehabilitation, and mental illness.

Moving forward, organizations form like the Transition Network and many more who focus on the dire needs of the aging and alone market.

Are you on Facebook? Like my Page @Carebuzz and join the conversation every Tuesday at 3:00 PM CST.

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Caregiving

Super Quick Self-Care for Caregivers

by Kathy Macaraeg
written by Kathy Macaraeg

If you only have a few minutes to practice self-care, these are my favorite activities to squeeze into my day.

Morning or Evening Stretches: If you are pressed for time in the morning, get ready for bed just a few minutes earlier and do a few simple stretches before you get into bed. Pick a few body parts that are tight and try to loosen them. If you don’t know what stretches to do, do a quick Google search for stretches and the part of the body you want to work. You’ll find pictures or videos that will walk you through the stretches.

Practice Gratitude: We all forget how fortunate we are when we’re focused on our day-to-day struggles. I find I’m less stressed when I actually think about the good in my life. Focusing on the good helps you prioritize your stressors. As I always say, even on the worst days, I can be thankful that I woke up in the morning, there was food to eat and there is a roof over my head.

Meditate: If you haven’t given meditation or mindfulness a try, you really should consider it. It’s free and fast. I have been thinking about meditation off and on for years but it wasn’t until I read Russell Simmons’ book “Success Through Stillness” that I really tried harder to implement mindfulness and meditation into my life. While I don’t practice the way Simmons suggests, I have started making mindfulness a part of my self-care routine. I use the free app Calm and do a guided meditation for just a few minutes but I feel like it really makes a difference. I also purchased “A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook,” which came with a free CD that has several guided meditations for varying lengths of time.

Elevate Regular Experiences: If you are in a truly busy season and really have almost no time for self-care, try making everyday activities a bit more luxurious. For example, use really nice smelling products in the shower and spend an extra minute or two taking it in. You can also splurge on a really nice hand cream or moisturizer and take a few extra seconds massaging it in to your hands or face. I splurge on a really nice hand cream that I only use before bed. Since I only use it at night, it lasts forever, so it really isn’t much of a splurge after all.

Do Something You Enjoy: When we are extremely busy, we tend to stop having fun. We’re either “doing the work” or too exhausted for fun. The problem is, life gets really boring and sad when we are all work, no play. Even if you don’t have a lot of free time, try to squeeze in a little fun. I love reading and try to squeeze reading in instead of watching TV. What do you love? Can you find a way to squeeze it in?

Slow Down: I have started getting up an extra twenty minutes early so that I can fit in morning stretches and drink my coffee slowly while I work on my to do list. I used to gulp my coffee down while I was flying around getting everyone ready to start our day. I was exhausted by 9 a.m. Now that I get up early, everyone is less stressed out and I feel so much more in control of my day because I have slowed the pace of my morning.

Self-care is hugely important, especially if you are a busy person. While I’ve known this for a long time, I really never found a way to make it work for me until I started making it part of my daily routine. I essentially schedule certain self-care activities into my day.

Activities like my stretches, my morning coffee and elevating my regular routine are non-negotiables now. If I get those done, I’m good. On really great days, I add in a few other self-care activities like taking a walk or doing something I enjoy. How do you fit self-care into your life?

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