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How Aging with Friends Fills the Void of Being Alone
Aging

How Aging with Friends Fills the Void of Being Alone

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

The concept of growing older without household support can be a shocking wake up call. That’s what happened to me after providing home care help for my older parents. The needs they had were extremely challenging for my sister and I, and when they died, it forced me to question, who will do all that for me? You see, I’m single, and have no children. How Aging with Friends Fills the Void of Being Alone
The care I provided for mom and dad included daily living tasks like house cleaning, cooking, shopping, transportation to medical appointments and treatments, and even managing their medications. And when they passed, I had lots of time to reflect on the caregiving years and realized how difficult elder care can be. It takes a village to meet the needs an older person. How Aging with Friends Fills the Void of Being Alone
According to the U.S. Census, the number of people over 65, living alone, will expand due to high divorce rates and child-free marriages of baby boomers. It’s why I’ve created a plan of action and will continue to tweak it as my needs change. How Aging with Friends Fills the Void of Being Alone

To create support for myself, I launched the Elder Orphan Facebook group, and since many of us form close ties, offer suggestions for transportation, solve serious issues, and even celebrate one another’s birthdays, we feel less alone and isolated. The online Facebook group has helped several members cope with difficult situations, even cancer, and strokes. We give one another peace of mind and place to go for friendship and connection.

Since it’s a global group, several members have started local groups for social interactions. But for me, I realize there’s so much more we can do together. We are strong, capable, and savvy. Our next steps go beyond making connections but also to form a social and support network that handles the types of tasks that normally family members deliver, such as:

Rides
Meals
Personal care
Cleaning
Shopping
At the local level. How Aging with Friends Fills the Void of Being Alone

A challenge? Yes. But as I say, we’re smart and resourceful.

This past week, groups from California to Florida met to discuss possibilities. We’re going beyond social needs and creating solutions for the following:

Discounts from local businesses
Housing options
Transportation options
Food delivery
Companionship resources
Volunteering

To name a few.
The members in my group in Dallas divvied up the tasks —

How to prepare for a surgery
Create a list of members and our contact information
Where to go for employment support and to find a job
Find housing options
Research needed local services
Locate free places to meet and plan

We’re just getting started on our “aging with friends” plan and we’re new at this but overall, the local meetings have turned out better than we planned. Each one of us walked away feeling lighter, more comfortable and hopeful that our aging alone journey will be void of being alone without support.
If you live in Dallas, join us. If you don’t, I invite you to the main Facebook group — and encourage you to start your local community. Don’t worry if you don’t know how, in a few months, the Dallas group intends to have a roadmap and a plan in place for others to mirror. How Aging with Friends Fills the

If you’re open to new adventures and want to learn new strategies for finding part-time work, how to develop new skills, find online games, and discover technology that helps you age in place, I invite you to opt-in to my upcoming Newsletter called Age with Purpose. It will roll out in a few weeks, and arrive via email every week. No doubt you’ll enjoy and look forward to its arrival. Just fill out the linked form and you’ll be on the list to receive the Age with Purpose Newsletter.

How Aging with Friends Fills the Void of Being Alone

How Aging with Friends Fills the Void of Being Alone How Aging with Friends Fills the Void of Being Alone How Aging with Friends Fills the Void of Being Alone How Aging with Friends Fills the Void of Being Alone How Aging with Friends Fills the Void of Being Alone

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How to Thrive When Aging Alone
Aging

How to Thrive When Aging Alone

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

Have you heard of the term Elder Orphan? It’s a new way of framing categorizing who are aging alone. I began to think about aging alone after caring for my parents. My mother struggled with heart problems, while my father lived with Alzheimer’s disease. Watching their decline was heartbreaking. It was close to one year after dad’s passing when the question hit me: “Who will care for me?”

That was 10 years ago. Today, I’m 65.

The U.S. Census Bureau tells us more than 27 percent of people age 65 and over live alone. One reason is because baby boomers have the highest divorce rate and lowest number of children, and as they turn 65, the numbers of those living alone escalate. How to Thrive When Aging Alone

There are thousands of us on our own, and we are in good company. In my “elder orphan” Facebook group, we have over 4,000 members. We face similar challenges, like finding help after surgery or if we’re sick, affordable housing, public transportation, social engagement, isolation, and choosing a health care proxy.

The most affordable living arrangements place us in the suburbs, far from convenient shopping and accessible public transit. It can be stressful, but being fearful exacerbates the problems and leaves us disempowered.

I try to maintain a positive view of being alone. If I feel lonely, I call someone or visit a sibling or friend, have lunch or dinner out, visit the library or attend a class, or join a Meetup group. Other things that help mitigate the fear of being alone:

  • Being clear about how I want to live, and what compromises I’m open to, outlines the aging alone strategy. Other things that affect my well-being are having personal space and loving what I do for a living. Otherwise, it would be meaningless. How to Thrive When Aging Alone
  • Think about the times you weren’t thriving. What was missing? And what did you do to cope? For me, back in 2008, I wanted to write about family caregiving and older adult issues, and to be recognized as an advocate in the area of aging. It took years of blogging, writing web copy and building my personal brand. Now, nine years later, I’m closer to my dreams.
  • Understanding my needs allows me to live genuinely in a life that’s mine — and it gives me confidence, strength and resilience. It took years to appreciate my accomplishments and to trust myself. It was easier to be a people pleaser and be indirect about things I wanted; often, I felt I did not deserve my dreams. Caring about what happens in the future is what carried me through the hard times and struggles.
  • Push for what is important to you. Be patient and don’t make demands. Ask for what you want but give to yourself first; don’t rely on another person to make you happy. A friend once told me, “A man is not a plan!” Funny, right? But how many of us hold out for a partner to be the knight in shining armor or a nurse with a purse? How to Thrive When Aging Alo
  • Forgiving myself is essential. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we all make mistakes. But if I spend too much time dwelling on the stupid things I’ve done, it takes my energy and lethargy settles in. So I forgive myself. The act itself turns life around and lets me head to where I want to be in the future.
  • Mistakes don’t make you or me right or wrong — they make us human. When disturbing thoughts of your mistakes disrupt your peace of mind, take a moment to relax and breathe. Allow the disturbance to move through and release once and for all.
  • Honoring my individuality and the traits that make me who I am is life-altering. Over the years, I’ve learned to accept faults, weaknesses and dysfunctions. By doing so, I’ve learned patience, trust and unconditional love. I don’t dwell on what’s wrong. In celebrating my differences, I choose to be around people who accept me for who I am.
    Are you ready to accept and celebrate you? Doing so will change your life. When an individual gives up criticism, a sense of compassion fills the gap. It’s remarkable.

 

Learning my lessons has me looking forward to the future. It’s my hope and wish that you find courage and resolve as you look to make being alone a blessing.

How to Thrive When Aging Alone

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Aging

How to Cope with Empty Nest Syndrome

by Guest Blogger
written by Guest Blogger

Well, here you are: The last kiddo has left home and you’re feeling pretty blue. Maybe you’re worrying all the time. You’re probably a little lonesome (or a lot). You may feel like it, but you are not alone.

The Empty Nest Is Actually Full—of Emotions

According to GoodTherapy.org, empty nesters may experience insomnia, anxiety and/or panic—as well as feelings of extreme grief, isolation/loneliness, guilt and purposelessness. They may even lose interest in activities they once enjoyed. Psychology Today notes that “…parents often struggle with a profound sense of loss, not just because they miss their child, but because their very identities have been significantly impacted.” In other words, if your parenting role has changed so dramatically, who are you?

In two-parent families, empty nest syndrome is at least a team experience—one partner can offer support and empathy when the other is struggling. For divorced, widowed or single parents, however, there may unfortunately be an even greater sense of isolation and loneliness.

If you are struggling with empty nest syndrome, the good news is you are not alone. Most parents experience at least some of these feelings in varying degrees. Here are five suggestions for coping with empty nest syndrome and finding your groove again.

Five Ways to Cope with Empty Nest Syndrome

1. Participate in Activities That Include Others.

Whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, we all need friends. If you’re already involved in a community group, don’t stop now! If you’ve been too busy, go ahead and sign up for those art classes, start a band, look into university extension programs, or join a new class at the gym. The excitement and energy of taking up a new hobby or learning something new is a real balm for feelings of loss, and being around other people can help stave off social isolation.

2. Find New Ways to Feel Valued and Needed.

One of the rewards of parenting is the feeling of being important to another person. While nothing will ever replace the love between a parent and child, you can find some fulfillment in helping others. Look for a volunteer organization that aligns with your values and sign up! Offer to read books at a nearby school, or hold babies in the NICU at your local hospital. Sign up to work at a local food bank or community garden. Or use your skills to help others—knit blankets for hospital patients, teach home repair skills… the possibilities are as endless as your imagination.

3. Embrace a New Adventure.

If your time and budget allow it, why not enjoy all that traveling you put off during the busy parenting years? Some empty nesters even decide to sell their homes and travel full-time! While that might not be the right choice for you, having a trip to plan and look forward to (and then enjoy) can be very therapeutic.

4. Embark On an Encore Career.

If you’ve reached retirement age, becoming an empty nester might inspire you to re-enter the working world. Encore careers can take on many forms — a coaching or consultative role in your former industry, professionalizing one of your skills (such as giving art lessons), or even joining the staff at a nonprofit. These “second-act” jobs can be a great way to recharge your spirits, stay engaged and extend your retirement income.

5. Discover the Benefits of Homesharing.

Sometimes an empty nest means you’ve got unused space in your home. Homesharing offers a wonderful way to put that space to work and have some company around the house. In homesharing, your renter (or “housemate” pays rent or does household chores (or a combination of the two) in exchange for living space.

Some homeowners find housemates by asking around among friends and neighbors, or by advertising in the community, online or on social media. Silvernest uses unique roommate-matching technology and other tools to make homesharing simple and worry-free. We’ve helped build happy homesharing agreements between people of similar ages or across generations.

There’s Hope Ahead.

Those “empty nest” feelings are normal and natural. While you’ll always miss having your kids around, the most intense emotions usually ease with time. However, if you find yourself too depressed or anxious to fully participate in your life as you once did, please seek out professional support. A trained therapist or, if need be, psychiatrist can help you work your way through this transition to a brighter future.

Posted by Silvernest Team

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