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Why Long Distance Care Matters Now More Than Ever
Caregiving

Caring for Someone Who Doesn’t Want Help

by Kathy Macaraeg
written by Kathy Macaraeg

Admitting you need help is hard. Especially when you used to be the one people went to for help. Suddenly, people are telling you what you should do or what you can’t do. Most seniors, regardless of what the outside looks like, still feel like their old selves, so when their adult children start treating them like a frail person who needs assistance, they can resist. Caring for Someone Who Doesn’t Want Help

So how can you respectfully help your independent mother or father accept help, whether from you or a hired caregiver, so that they can continue their independent lifestyle while remaining safe?

Transportation

If your elderly parent is no longer safe on the road, you’ll need to address transportation before it is addressed for you. Has your parent already had a few fender benders? That could be a sign that they may need to cut back on driving. If you are considering taking away the keys, you never want to go into this discussion empty handed.

Providing solutions for transportation so that a senior can see clearly that while they may no longer be driving, they can still enjoy all of their activities is critical in making the transition easier. Make sure you cover everything from trips to the grocery store to the hairdresser and lunch with friends. You don’t need to use one service to cover all of their needs. I find that the most successful seniors have a network of services they used so that they were never left stranded.

If cost is a concern for your senior parent, figure out the cost of operating their vehicle. It is probably very close to what they will pay for services and they will be much safer. The cost of a car accident is far higher than what they will spend on transportation. I had a client who sold her car and kept the cash from the sale to use for transportation so that she wasn’t dipping into her other funds for transportation. I’m not totally on board with keeping a big sum of cash at home, but it was an interesting way of managing her transportation costs.

Get Help at Home

It is extremely difficult to convince someone to allow a stranger into their home to perform tasks that they still want to do. My suggestion is to start slow and small. Perhaps your parent doesn’t need a daily caregiver, or actual caregiving tasks performed.

Sit down together and think about the types of things that would be nice to get help with. Is vacuuming challenging? Perhaps cleaning the toilets or shower and tub are becoming more difficult or dangerous. Working with your parent will help them feel like you’re not making decisions for them.
Does your parent need help with cleaning and food prep? Maybe just bring in a caregiver 2-3 times a week for a few hours to do housekeeping and help your parent prep food so that they can cook it when they are ready. I’ve even know families who hired a caregiver to do light cleaning and go for a walk with their parent so that they can get exercise outdoors safely.

If you start slowly and involve your parent, they will get used to having a bit of help around the house and the more help they need, the more willing they will be to accept it. Now, of course, this doesn’t work for everyone. I knew a woman who was so sweet to me and my drivers and it was shocking to see her interaction with her caregivers. She really hated having someone in her space, but sadly, she needed it. The best thing you can do in this situation is try to find the best fit for them. Maybe the first or second caregiver won’t be the right person for them, but the third might be just what they needed.

Outside Activities

Quite frankly, so long as your parent is physically and emotionally able to get out and be social, you should encourage it. I have noticed that my senior friends who had activities to look forward to were in much better emotional and physical health than those who only went out for medical visits. Social activity combats loneliness, which has been linked to mental and health problems.

Even if they have physical or cognitive limitations, finding ways to maintain their social activities is important to their overall well-being. You may need to enlist a companion or caregiver to participate in an activity with them, but whenever possible, they should stay active. I had a client with dementia who went to the gym multiple times per week because he truly enjoyed it. I also knew of a woman with dementia who played mah jong with a group of friends every week, with the help of her caregiver. We even took a woman in a wheelchair to the beach a few times a week to ride along the bike path. Find ways to make participation enjoyable, even if it isn’t the same as it was in the past.

Accepting a change in lifestyle is hard for anyone. Work together with your parents to find the best fit for them and show them that their opinions and decisions are valuable.Caring for Someone Who Doesn’t Want Help

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Ask an Expert: 5 Tactics for Dementia Caregiving
Caregiving

Ask an Expert: 5 Tactics for Dementia Caregiving

by Silverado
written by Silverado

Caring for a loved one living with Alzheimer’s or dementia can be an incredibly tiresome job. From the long hours to psychological exhaustion, to the physically demanding environment, there are very few ways to actively prepare for and predict the responsibilities that caregiving entails. Silverado’s Director of Clinical Education Sue Kruse shares key tactics for managing the day-to-day challenges of dementia caregivers. Ask an Expert: 5 Tactics for Dementia Caregiving

1. Communication Through Understanding

According to Kruse, one of the most frustrating problem areas for individuals with dementia and their caregivers is communication. Many times, the person living with dementia may be unable to express their needs, leading them to become increasingly frustrated. Ask an Expert: 5 Tactics for Dementia Caregiving
Kruse says that it can be easier to identify the need by attempting to understand what the person with dementia is trying to express. For example, if an individual protests taking a shower, Kruse suggests thinking of alternative ways of presenting a solution. Ask an Expert: 5 Tactics for Dementia Caregiving
“Postpone the shower until later in the day, or give the person a reason to take the shower, ‘Your son Bob is coming for lunch today, so we need to take a shower.’” Kruse says.

2. Acknowledgment is Key

Typically, when a person with dementia says something that may not be true, it’s best not to rationalize and correct their thoughts. “If the person says they need to go to school today, make a simple statement such as, ‘Today is Saturday, isn’t it wonderful that we have no school today?’” Kruse says. Because dementia patients can have a false sense of reality, trying to explain something may confuse or frustrate them even more.

3. Know your Own Limits

With the physical and psychological demands that come with dementia caregiving, studies show that caregivers are at risk for increased health problems, such as chronic fatigue, loss of appetite or even depression. “Caring for someone with dementia is a 24 hour a day job and is overwhelming for anyone.” says Kruse. Therefore, knowing your limits and practicing self-care is critical in order to fully be present and care for your loved one. Kruse advises to take help offered by friends, family, or day care programs.

4. Minimize Disrupted Sleep

Kruse explains that as dementia progresses, sleep disturbances can often occur for both the person with dementia and their caregiver. “The person with dementia can be up during the night attempting to leave the house or rummaging throughout the home, causing the caregiver to be sleep deprived,” Kruse says as an example. Though uninterrupted sleep throughout the night may not always be easy to achieve, taking a few extra steps can minimize distractions so both parties can have restful nights. For example, you can switch off care during graveyard or night shifts. You can also make the sleeping environment extra comfortable by playing restful music.

5. Never Take Rejection or Frustration Personally

It’s important to remember that changes in mood and personality are caused by chemical changes in the brain, not by daily tasks. “Realize that the person living with dementia is often afraid and confused and this is a defense mechanism,” says Kruse. Learn to compartmentalize their behaviors with performance as a caregiver.

Ask an Expert: 5 Tactics for Dementia Caregiving

Ask an Expert: 5 Tactics for Dementia Caregiving Ask an Expert: 5 Tactics for Dementia Caregiving Ask an Expert: 5 Tactics for Dementia Caregiving Ask an Expert: 5 Tactics for Dementia Caregiving Ask an Expert: 5 Tactics for Dementia Caregiving Ask an Expert: 5 Tactics for Dementia Caregiving Ask an Expert: 5 Tactics for Dementia Caregiving

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20 Dementia-Related Words You Should Know
Conditions & TreatmentsHealth

20 Dementia-Related Words You Should Know

by Silverado
written by Silverado

When accompanying a loved one on the journey of dementia, new and unfamiliar words are encountered almost daily. Understanding these words and phrases is essential to navigating the road ahead and ensuring that the best care possible is provided. 20 Dementia-Related Words You Should Know
The following list of 20 common dementia-related terms that caregivers and loved ones may find useful.

  1. Activities of daily living (often called ADLs):Personal care activities necessary for everyday living, such as eating, bathing, grooming, dressing and using the toilet.
  2. Alleles:One of the different forms of a gene that can exist at a single locus (spot on a chromosome) or site.
  3. Amyloid:A waxy translucent substance consisting of protein in combination with polysaccharides that is deposited in some animal organs and tissues under abnormal conditions (such as Alzheimer’s disease).
  4. Amyloid plaque:Buildup of amyloid protein and a primary hallmark of Alzheimer’s disease.
  5. Aphasia:An acquired inability to use certain aspects of language. It can be either an expressive or a receptive language disorder. “Aphasia” is a very broad term that is made more useful by descriptive qualifiers indicating the type of language impairment involved.
  6. Ataxia:Loss or failure of muscular coordination. Movement, especially gait, is clumsy and appears to be uncertain. Ataxic patients often sway while walking. Ataxia usually results from an inaccurate sense of position in the lower limbs. Difficulty with gait increases greatly when the patient is asked to walk with eyes closed.
  7. Autonomic nervous system:The part of the nervous system concerned with visceral and involuntary functions.
  8. Beta amyloid:An amyloid derived from a larger precursor protein; it is a component of the senile or neuritic plaques characteristic of Alzheimer’s disease.
  9. Bradykinesia:A motor disorder, frequently seen in Parkinson’s disease, which results from rigidity of muscles and which is manifested by slow finger movements and loss offine motor skills such as writing.
  10. Dopamine:A neurotransmitter that is important in reward-motivated behavior. It is the neurotransmitter deficient in those with Parkinson’s disease.
  11. Dysphagia:Difficulty in swallowing.
  12. Gamma secretase: An enzyme partly responsible for plaque buildup in the brain characteristic of Alzheimer’s.
  13. Hippocampus:An area buried deep in the forebrain that helps regulate emotion and memory.
  14. Mild cognitive impairment (MCI): A syndrome of memory impairment that does not significantly affect daily activities and is not accompanied by declines in overall cognitive function.
  15. Neuropsychiatrist:A specialist in the medicine concerned with both neurology and psychiatry.
  16. Neuropsychologist:A psychologist who has completed special training in the neurobiological causes of brain disorders, and who specializes in diagnosing and treating these illnesses using a predominantly medical (as opposed to psychoanalytical) approach.
  17. Positron Emission Tomography (PET):A highly specialized imaging technique using short-lived radioactive substances. This technique produces three-dimensional colored images.
  18. Synapse:The space between the terminal end of an axon and another cell body. Neurotransmitters are released in the synapse and carry signals from one nerve cell to another.
  19. Transient ischemic attacks (TIAs):Brief episodes of insufficient blood supply to selected portions of the brain.
  20. Ventricles:The spaces within the brain through which cerebrospinal fluid circulates.

For a comprehensive dementia care glossary, please visit Silverado.

20 Dementia-Related Words You Should Know

20 Dementia-Related Words You Should Know 20 Dementia-Related Words You Should Know 20 Dementia-Related Words You Should Know 20 Dementia-Related Words You Should Know 20 Dementia-Related Words You Should Know 20 Dementia-Related Words You Should Know 20 Dementia-Related Words You Should Know

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